On Not Feeling Like Yourself and Letting Go of Who You Used to Be

 Hello My Beautiful Queen, 

A huge theme in my life at the moment is energetic boundaries and manipulation. As a young child living at home, I truly believed that I was just too sensitive. Surely the anxiety and depression I felt was a product of myself and my own inability to handle life. Now as an adult living at home, I understand that some of this truly was my environment. 

Now this blog post isn't about blame. I'm not here to blame anyone, but I am here to process what is on my mind. I spoke with my coach recently about the pressure to present myself as perfect. Not in a way where I would ever lie or manipulate my story to make it "better or more successful" but in a way that there is a pressure to always have the lesson and the takeaway. 

For me, it is more important to share my raw moments with you. To let it be okay that sometimes life is hard, and sometimes we don't know what to do, and we don't show up as our best selves and we don't always see the lesson.

If we're going to be super raw right now, for a lot of this year, I felt either like shit or just disconnected from myself. Which doesn't mean that there weren't good moments, or times when I felt confident and fantastic. Just that there were also challenges. Most of the time, I just didn't feel like myself. And reflecting on the end of the year, I have realized that a lot of this was coming from having expectations for who I was. But the thing is, we are human. And so we evolve. You are never the same exact version of yourself, and just as comparing yourself to others can be unhealthy, comparing yourself to previous versions of you, is also unhealthy. A lesson I am carrying forward with me is that when it comes to your own evolution, it doesn't matter who you were before because that person does not exist anymore. What matters is who you are now and how you choose to treat yourself in this moment. 

I often tell my clients that no amount of inner work will ever make it so you never experience darkness in your life. The darkness is part of your expansion. But you can learn to witness yourself and learn what it means to support yourself through the darkness. You can learn that being in the dark doesn't make you the dark.