The How and Why of Moving Back into Action

Hello Queens!

I am so close to returning back to alignment, and in the spirit of doing so (and a break for all of the heaviness of previous posts), I want to bring you a life changing lesson that kicked my ass into action mode. I'm all about listening to your body and spirit. I don't believe in the hustle and grind. I believe in you living your life in a way that makes you happy. I am for you defining what that means to you. Yet, I am an overachiever, and I am happy with that identity. Part of my sense of fulfillment comes from knowing that I am accomplishing important tasks (note that I decide what is important). So (as you already know), when I was feeling uninspired and could not take action that felt meaningful to me, I spiraled.

I tried to lovingly accept this phase, but after a month, I found that I could no longer stand being so unproductive. So, in the kindest way possible, I kicked my own ass into gear. If you want to know the exact details of this process, then I suggest you listen to episode 65 of the Manifestation Babe podcast . If you just want the quick breakdown that worked for me. Girl, I had to associate a massive amount of pain to inaction. I already had a clear vision of what I wanted my future to look like. My why was a little shaky, but I feel like I intuitively know why I continue to work on Quarter-Life Queen. What I needed was leverage on myself. It just so happened that forcing myself to confront the reality of what it means to continue to do nothing. So, allow me to paint a picture for you.

Continuing on the path that I was on, meant giving up on my ideal future. It meant settling for good enough. It meant settling for happy enough. My dreams of the nice house, the beautiful vacations for me and my family, my gorgeous office and amazing team, having the flexibility to set my own schedule, traveling wherever I wanted etc.. all of the literally shattered and fluttered away when I allowed myself to trace the path I was currently on. I started this whole thing because I was determined to live by my own standards. I was tired of other people telling me what life is and what it could be. I was tired of dismissing my dreams as unrealistic. But most importantly, I wanted to help all of you live according to your own standards too!

Forcing myself to confront the pain of what giving up means, pushed me back into action. Almost a year ago, I wrote a post about our callings. I wrote that we are called to do the things that other people need the most. It was painful for me to think that I was about to silence my own voice and message, not only because that meant shattering my dreams, but because that meant that I would never reach the person that needed to hear my message the most. 

So, I want to remind you that your calling has a purpose and a meaning. You have undoubtedly encountered a person, a book, a song, a podcast, a blog that changed the game for you. Don't underestimate the fact that you are that person for someone else. Even if you don't even know it yet. 

Hello, Insta plug. If you're not already following the quarter life queens instagram, you should! There I post small bursts of inspiring messages multiple times a week. And look the link is right here

The Link Between Bad Habits and A Sense of Fulfillment

Hello Queen!

Today, I want to get real vulnerable and deep with you. I am feeling kind of unfulfilled. I've been saying  for the past few weeks that I just feel a bit off and last night, I was finally able to realize why. And I only realized this because I was struggling to kick a really bad habit. I never understood how much I used food as a pathway to happiness until I began to take away the option of doing so. I have already mentioned that I have kicked the desire to binge eat junk food. But I realized that kicking the junk food habit didn't repair my relationship with food (I promise this has a point. Stay with me here). Seriously, I'm overeating chicken, fish, smoothies and rice cakes.

Anyway, the point is that in my struggle to develop new, healthier eating habits, I learned that I use food for instant gratification. I wanted to break that habit, but in order for it to be sustainable for me, I also need to replace it with something that brings me as much joy. This is because I have learned to associate food (any kind of food) with happiness, satisfaction and connection. But, I was drawing a complete blank on what else gave me that same sense of pleasure, and all I could come up with was going to the gym.

But, the thing is that I can't workout every time I feel like overeating. I would be in the gym ALL DAY! All of this forced me to confront the fact that I am feeling kind of empty (see? full circle). I don't have a source of happiness other than food and the gym. Then that led me to feeling like I don't actually have a life. Like my ass needs a hobby.

It's no wonder that I have felt so uninspired. There's this massive void in my life and I don't know what to fill it with because I don't know where it even came from. If you stayed with me for this long, then you have a real progression of how I was able to get to the root of my problem and just how non linear the path was. While I don't feel one hundred percent myself, I am so much happier knowing that I have identified the root of the issue and can actually make impactful change. I hope you enjoyed, loves!

Until next time.

Reassurance for the Burnt Out Queen

Hi,

Okay, I have done much soul searching and discovered that yes, I am in fact burnt out. I don't even know how that happened since I took such care to mindfully work, but it did. The road to entrepreneurship is not easy, and I want to be vulnerable with you and say that I am fucking tired. I just am. I don't feel inspired and just want to lay in bed because I have exhausted my reserves. Your girl just needs a vacation where she can just lay on the beach and stare at the sky.

It has gotten to the point where even just reading has become a chore. If I could do absolutely nothing, that would be great. But today, I want to show you how I re framed my lack of desire to take action in a way that was more beneficial. IE how I stopped wanting to kick my own behind for not feeling motivated. The great thing is, that there is only 1 tip! Ready?

Acknowledge all that you have done! That's it. We do so much in our day to day lives, but I think we don't acknowledge those things (or at least I don't). I definitely don't praise all of the small things I do everyday that allow me to be a functional human being because I focus so much on the big things that need my attention. Of course, I am still me, so I also ask myself are the big things that I am focusing actually the tasks that need my attention or am I caught in the thick of thin things? But I digress, because that is an entirely different post.

So, here are the small things I accomplish everyday that I have decided to praise myself for doing. I encourage any of my other queens who are feeling the burnout to do the same. It is safe to say that these are pretty mundane things, but worth celebrating (especially when you are feeling down)

1. Do the laundry and clean the house
2. Workout
3. Drink the recommended amount of water for the day
4. Actually give a fuck about hygiene (wash my hair, nails, eyebrows etc!)
5. Commit to my personal development (read personal development books, understand myself better, listen to podcasts, develop new skills, change my beliefs)
6. Gather the will to get out of bed and do my job well
7. Continue to plan out my week: Side story about this is that I tried the model from 7 habits of highly effective people where you identify your roles, your tasks and which quadrants they fall in. Girl, that shit took me almost 3 hours and I had such a headache at the end. I am much more effective now, but I learned that I do NOT like to be that planned out. So, cheers to me for learning more about myself and how I work best. 

I may already have a post like this, but this time around, you can see how I tackle these feelings as I grow and become a better version of me. As always, I hope you enjoyed!

Until next time!

The Burn Out Frustration

Hello Queens!

It is finally Friday, and I am so glad that it's the weekend.

Before we get started, I wanted to ask if you have signed up for the Epiphany email list? I have to say that I have been leaning more towards shorter posts and the place that I do that is Epiphany. So, if you want weekly doses of quick inspiration, I would highly suggest that you sign up. The link is in the menu bar above. Now, let me take a moment to be vulnerable with you.

I have been feeling completely uninspired when it comes to writing. I find that I don't have much to say, but strongly crave writing. There is clearly something that I want to say, but for the life of me, I can't figure it out. It's like this constant push and pull; a desire for creativity, but a lack of it. This is incredibly frustrating because I love this blog and I hate that putting out content is not as easy as it once was. Am I just burnt out? I genuinely have no idea.

I tell you this because I know that there are other people who want to move forward and are struggling. I speak a lot about not forcing things, but I will be open and say that I am finding it difficult to enjoy the silence. This is because the quiet is rubbing against my inner control freak. I find it completely unacceptable that I have been feeling uninspired for almost a month. In my mind, that is completely unacceptable because there is rest and there is inactivity. I'm still trying to learn where that line is and how to bring myself back to action in a way that does not feel forced. I'm still learning to embrace myself in all seasons including in the season of rest.

I just don't know that looks like. So, there's no call to action or message in today's post. It's just me being real and honest with you. It's just me letting you know that sometimes you burn out and relaxing is not always easy despite your best intentions.

Until next time! 

Why We Do Things that Don't Serve Us

Hello Queen!

Okay, I have to say that I have been consistently going to the gym for the past three weeks and I feel fucking amazing! Truly, I am so proud of this accomplishment and my ability to create habits that best serve me. However, I am finding myself struggling with one aspect of this journey: food. I've already talked about this several times before, so I will just sum it up as I still on the occasion eating way more than I should be.

The question this leads me to is why is it that we continue to do things that don't serve us. Like why did I go grocery shopping and eat out for lunch almost everyday knowing that I had a bill to pay? The easy answer would be irresponsibility, but that's so filled with judgement and doesn't actually get to the root of the problem. And we're all about digging deep to make massive change on here.

Okay, so in addition to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, I am also reading Awakening the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. The chapters I read so far are all about creating long lasting change. And I want to bring something I have been thinking about to you.

Do we continue to do things that are not in our best interest just because we are getting some kind of false benefit from it? Like, I know overeating will lead to poor health and me feeling like shit about myself, but damn that entire box of Digornio pizza and dozen Oreos tasted good. Yet, I know that it only tastes good; it doesn't feel good. Or are there more layers to bad habits than just false benefits clouding our judgement?

Truthfully some things are also habits. We do it because we are used to doing it and reap some kind of pleasure from continuing to do it. To paraphrase the aforementioned book, our brains know that the bad habit will lead to pleasure, so we keep doing it. But, apparently there is also another layer and that is that we're on the fence about making change. We haven't made the elimination of the bad habit a must. We just leave it as a should or a to do later. Like I want to stop overeating, but I haven't had a painful enough experience in previous years to convince me that I should stop doing so now. I want to stop overspending. I have had more than enough negative experiences to teach me the value of saving and paying my bills on time, but that is in contrast to the limiting belief that money has to be spent or it will be taken away (I'm still working on eliminating this belief).

I'm working on changing these habits. But my brain is so good at tricking me (thankfully I have learned how to see through the bullshit). Like I decided that I wouldn't overeat and then I got so dizzy and nauseous for like 10 minutes. I felt like I would pass out, so I ate something to raise my blood sugar. Once I find out how I learned to call myself out on my own shit, I will let you know how I did it. I just wanted to share this tidbit of experience and knowledge with you.

Changing Your Core Values and Beliefs

Hello Queen,

So, I am laying in bed watching Modern Family and just thinking about my life. I dedicated this Sunday to personal development and have given a lot of thought to where I am now. I can say that I am so much happier and freer than I have felt in perhaps my entire life. As difficult as this year was at times, I am grateful for the role it played in my development, growth and strength.

I have made massive changes in how I think, feel and behave. I have learned to look for the good in everything and remind myself that regardless of what is going on, my life is blessed. I have manifested things I only used to dream about, including a gorgeous apartment, money from unexpected sources and healthy habits that I enjoy.

Yet, I come to what feels like a cross roads in my life. Undoubtably, the work that I have done in my life has made me a better person. There have been massive changes that get me closer and closer to my best self everyday. But, I have finally hit the part of my development that is my core identity. Up till this point, I have felt that I have been chipping away at things that no longer serve me. I understand-- at least partially-- what my core values and drivers are and it is time for me to decide whether I want to change them.

This is absolutely terrifying to me because it requires me to be honest about whether or not this core has been working in my favor. Essentially, I am asking myself if I want to make large scale change to my very identity. And I'm not just talking about parts of my identity, I'm talking about its very essence. The part of my identity that feels like my spirit. Which begets the question: can one actually change their spirit or can they only reveal it? Am I afraid to make change because I don't want to alter my soul, or has my soul been buried in so many layers of socialization that making these changes will only free it?

Can you tell that I am feeling very philosophical?

Anyway, this could easily turn into a 20 page post. Personal development isn't always easy. Sometimes you encounter parts of yourself that make you question if you ever really fully knew yourself. For example, I am currently reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, and as I do with personal development, deeply analyzing the parts that resonate with me.

One such part being locating your center. From what I understand, your center are the core beliefs, values and drivers from which you act. There are several and you can have multiple centers for different aspects of your life. But for me, I came to the realization that I am very self-centered. Of course, I found this triggering because being selfish is against my core beliefs. But, I also came to realization that being self-centered doesn't necessarily mean being selfish. Yes, when it comes down to making decisions and living, I will do what I feel is in my best interest. I will decide what makes me happy and I will act from that. But sometimes the thing that makes me happy is seeing someone else be happy. So, it's not really that aspect of centeredness that makes me feel iffy.

It is the part where I am easily influenced. By this point, you already know that I am an empath and I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of myself. But I also believe that we have the power to ultimately be who we want to be (hence that feeling of being at a crossroads). I can change my center to something a bit more beneficial, but I worry that this would come at the sacrifice of being able to easily choose happiness. Of course, this makes no sense, but feelings often don't.

Well, that concludes this ramble. There is no satisfying conclusion; no empowering message tied neatly in a bow. It's just me feeling a bit lost and confused. Nonetheless, I hope that you found this post helpful, or at the very least, that it gave you insight into how I work through personal development and what I mean when I say that it's not always easy.

Until next time!

"Spend My Days Locked in a Haze"

Hello Queen!

Points to anyone who recognized the Tove Lo song lyric! I remember when I first started working, I was like: "who actually works the entire day straight? I mean, there must be slow periods in the day when there's not much to do." Girl, I was wrong! There are days so busy here at work that I just crash. Like it feels like I jump from place to place to meeting to meeting. I'm just like damn, can a girl get a break? If you can't tell already, today's post is Shar's selfish time. I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment even though so many amazing things are happening.

I am so busy that my head is just spinning. Work is amazing, and I actually feel like a boss. I adore my apartment, and my finances feel almost back in order. Plus I manifested almost an additional 500 dollars in cash, and thousands in experiences (including a grant). It sounds like I'm bragging, but I really just need a moment to celebrate myself and all that I have managed to get done in the past few weeks. In an earlier post, I encouraged you to list all of the ways that you are wonderful and awesome. I still encourage you to do this, as it is so easy to drown yourself in what you have to get done. Chances are that you've actually gotten a lot done, and are not acknowledging it.

As wonderful as things are, I'm also dealing with some shitty plumbing issues. I don't feel perfectly aligned and I find myself refusing to do things that I know that I should (wash the dishes, do the laundry, budget, go grocery shopping, wash my hair, take me time, listen to podcasts, meditate etc...).

I am this seal. This post probably doesn't even make any sense, but I just want you to know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. You don't have to have it all together.

The Link Between Transitions and Your Emotional State

Hello Queens,

It is a crazy week here on the east coast, but I am in such a good mood today. I followed my morning ritual and took a rest day. It's also pay day, so that probably has something to do with it. For whatever reason, I am feeling aligned in this moment, but that was not the case last night. To put it simply, I was in my feelings, and as you already know, I find this most annoying when I can't figure out why. Or more accurately, when I feel that there isn't a good enough reason to feel upset.

I think that we are own worse critics. When you think about, we know ourselves well enough to hit where it really hurts and I often wonder at what point in time did we learn to hate ourselves (or at least to hate part of ourselves). But that's not the point. I was upset and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball, stare at the ceiling and possibly cry. But I was too busy obsessing about whether or not I was allowed to be upset with an apparent cause, that I couldn't cry.

Why couldn't I just accept the fact that I was upset? I give myself permission to be fully human on a daily basis. I don't believe in the selective numbing of emotions, because it's just not possible. But, regardless of how many times I said that I had permission to be upset, I didn't believe myself. Queen, as I mentioned in my most recent post, sometimes things just come back around. Sometimes you have to keep giving yourself permission and keep letting go in order to move forward.

But, as I actually thought about what was going in my life, I realized that I actually did have reasons to be upset. I had just moved, the plumbing was a wreck, I didn't have any water in my kitchen, my debt was through the fucking roof, there was a lot happening at work etc... I'm just in this transition right now and while I am moving to a better part of my life, transition often come with emotional upheaval as you shed what no longer works for you. My emotional responses were completely normal, but I was so busy getting lost in my feelings and judging myself for having them, that I couldn't see what was right in front of my face. So, if you're feeling down and don't know why, I highly encourage you to do look at your life and realize that having painful emotions doesn't say anything about you or your strength.

I hope you enjoyed!

Until next time.

Healing is A Journey Not A Destination

Hello Queens,

Today I want to talk to you about something that happened last night. So, I have been dealing with some insane water issues for the past nearly week and a half. It's also the beginning of the semester and things are busy here at work. For whatever reason, that led me to be overwhelmed when I got home yesterday. I definitely have used food as a crutch.

Like, I used to weigh over 200 pounds and eating my feelings is something that I am very used to. It has been a very long time since I have binged because I try to be very conscious about what I am eating. I have tried to find other outlets for when I am upset and realize that binge eating is just a Band-Aid. But, for whatever reason, I found myself doing that last night. I just kept eating fries and chicken and granola bars and whatever else I could get my hands on.

But here’s what made last night different. I gave myself permission to overeat. Notice that I did not say binge, because in my mind binge is associated with this out of control feeling. I have binged before (like gained fifty pounds in a month kind of binge) and that is entirely mindless and a very out of body experience. Last night, I just said: “you know what? I know this is unhealthy, but I really just need to eat whatever I want right now and that’s okay for today.” I knew that I would just go back to my regular healthy habits and it was okay for me to do this for now.

Here’s why I am telling you this. Sometimes we revert to behaviors that we thought we had overcome. Old thought patterns resurface, bad habits come back. Maybe you lose your temper or you aren’t as productive as you normally are. Maybe a belief that you thought you were over just suddenly appears again. It’s so easy to feel like a failure when that happens. Frustration is a natural reaction when you thought you had grown past something only to later realize that you still have some work to do. But the silver lining here, Queen is that each time these negative behaviors or thoughts or beliefs or patterns come back, you will be stronger. You will know exactly how to get to the root of the problem and will be able to move past it so much faster. Plus it is a wonderful opportunity to come to understand yourself deeper. You can better understand why these things keep popping up and each time get closer and closer to eradicating them.

Remember that you are a human. Things aren’t always as simple as one and done and it’s okay for you need to come back to something again and again. Everything always happens for you!

Until next time!

How to Peacefully Do Nothing

Hello Queen,

It is currently pouring rain where I am and it has been for days. I fucking love it! Bring me the fall weather because I am ready to finally feel like I'm not melting. In other news, allow me the second to be publicly proud of myself. I have been waking up before 7 am for a week now and have been hitting the gym first thing in the morning. I overall feel amazing and am like: "damn sis, it only took you 6 years to get on this schedule and enjoy it."

I finally feel inspired again, and I want to emphasize that I did not push myself to feel this way. I didn't do anything differently and I allowed myself to just feel uninspired. I recognized that it was okay for me to feel low or just not that into it. I tell you this because I feel like in our current society (and especially in the online space) that there is this pressure to constantly be hustling. To always be putting out content, but today I just want you to find peace in the pause. Just enjoy the break for as long as you feel comfortable doing this. It wasn't easy for me to be comfortable with not taking action (Exhibit A).

Trust me, I've been the type who felt like I couldn't allow myself to rest because things would slip. Or I couldn't take a break because I didn't trust myself to pick the task back up. Thankfully I have broken though all of that bullshit. I now trust myself and the universe enough to know that taking a break cannot undo all of the work that I have done. Finding patience in the slower parts of my life only makes me a better person and gets me one step closer to relinquishing control.

Of course, I'm going to tell you what helped me get to this place in my life where I don't panic if I don't feel inspired. There are just three things.

1. Recognizing that my spirit always knows what is right. If I was meant to be working on a project or writing a post then I would feel the inspiration to do it. Of course, there are times where you must move forward anyway, but I make it my mission to only take inspired action when I can.  That's what feels best to me and my best work comes from. I love knowing that what I put out under the Quarter-Life Queen empire only comes from a high vibe place. One of good intention. Now this is going to be very woo, but I feel like the moments where I am struck by inspiration is when I am most connected to the universe. I trust that what I put out in inspiration is what I am meant to put out. So, if you don't feel inspired or you feel like things are slow right now, trust that the timing is always right. Your spirit knows when it is time to take action and when it is time to rest. 
2. I learned some universal laws. Specifically the Law of Rythm and the Law of Gender. The former can be summarized as everything has cycles. If you are in a cycle of rest, then rest. If you are in a cycle of high energy, then take action. The latter can be summarized as everything must be balanced. You can't be in action all the time. You must balance action with rest. If you're interested in learning more about Laws of the Universe, then I highly recommend you check out episode 33 of the Manifestation Babe Podcast
3. Finally, I listened to episode 58 of the Manifestation Babe Podcast where Kathrin reminded me why it was so important to be patient. Like anything, I applied what resonated with me to my own life. I encourage all of you queens to do the same with anything (including this blog). If it resonates with you, apply. If it doesn't, don't apply it!

Honestly me peacefully doing nothing cause I know that my inspiration will return when it is time to take action. 

Until next time, Queens! 

PS don't forget to sign up for the Epiphany Newsletter for access to weekly positive motivation backed by concrete examples. Plus, get access to exclusive content. First email goes out this Monday, loves! Hope to see you there. 

How Acting As If Makes the Accomplishment that Much Sweeter

Hello Queens,

Fabulous news! I am finally wired for wifi. That means we will be back on schedule. Today I am going to do something a bit different. I normally have at least a topic in mind that I would like, but today I don't. I'm just going to write stream of consciousness style and see what I end up talking about. That will be a fun game for both of us.

Ya'll already know that I had a rough year or so with finances and other stress. It's strange though because this is also the year that I have made the most progress to all of my goals, understanding myself, working towards my future and overall just stepping into my power. I have had many blogs before, but this one (and the Quarter-Life Queen empire in general) is the one I have stuck with the longest. It has the most traction and attention and was the easiest to expand. So while it felt like a lot of things were going to shit, there were also a lot of really amazing things happening.

I am so glad to say that I am finally at a place where I am living very comfortably. I don't have to worry about my next meal, not being able to pay bills, not being able to get to work or go to the doctor. I can hang out with my friends and afford to treat myself. I can donate to the organizations that I care about and do things just for fun. Life overall is really amazing and I am so blessed and thankful to say that. I feel like I am the best version of myself nearly everyday and don't have to ask what would my best self do because I am already doing it. Like girl, I'm doing boujee shit like going to Yoga and signing up for SoulCycle. I might even go to the Farmer's Market (you can read this post about why I find that so exciting here)

I'm sorry I had to

But queen, it is so important to note that I didn't wait until I could do all these amazing things to feel amazing. I didn't say I'll be happy and confident when I can pay all of my bills or when I can afford groceries. I didn't limit myself to only being thankful when times are good. I think it was the fact that I set myself up in an abundance and gratitude mindset beforehand that makes these wonderful experiences that much sweeter. I think I feel that much happier and more confident because I programmed myself to feel this way regardless of what was happening around me. I decided that happiness was a decision and not a consequence of circumstance.

So while the year was difficult in some ways, it has also propelled me forward. I have gained clarity and what does and does not work for me and how blessed my life is regardless of what may be happening around me. Of course, some part of me is scared of ever going back there. I worry that I will slip into old habits, but I am also confident in knowing that I have all of the tools and resources I need to bounce back. I hope you enjoyed!

Until next time! PS can you tell how obsessed I am with Dua Lipa right now?!

You Don't Have to Be Famous to Be Successful

Hello Queens,

I'm sorry that it's been a minute since I have posted. I am still dealing with the no wifi struggle (thankfully not for much longer) and work has been absolutely insane. To be honest, I have been feeling a bit uninspired lately, but today I want to talk to you about what I have been thinking about recently. 

There has been a lot of drama in the worlds that I follow and they are hitting close to home because one of my biggest concerns is being unjustly hated. I want to live my best life and fulfill my purpose here on earth, but I am petrified of being famous. Why? Because famous people are always under judgement and scrutiny. Someone, somewhere always has an opinion about them. People are eager to drag and shame famous people. I honestly question how I would start to feel about myself if I knew while there were people who loved me, there were also people actively trying to take me down.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have up leveled my life and that feels absolutely amazing. I'm finally aligned with my highest self. I walk around everyday feeling like the best version of myself. That's a place that took me over 7 years to get to. I am proud of myself for accomplishing this, but there is also a layer of worry. I want to be successful. I want to be able to support people and causes I care about. I want to make a difference in the world and help people feel aligned with the best version of themselves. I don't want to be famous. I have no interest in being in the public eye.

But it feels like that is the cost of living your dream life. Is there a way to be successful and wealthy without being in the public eye? Absolutely. You don't have to be famous to be successful. It's okay to want to live the life of your dreams, but not in the spotlight. I don't know why I struggled with the concept that wealth and fame don't have to be connected, but I did. So, it is my sincere hope that you get some kind of comfort out of knowing that wealth, success and fame isn't one or the other. You can have it all, Queen. Don't let anyone (including yourself) tell you differently.

You get your dream life, and you get your dream life, and you get your dream life. 

Until next time, Queen