Mental Illness and Entrepreneurship

Hello My Queen,

I hope you are having warm and enjoyable holiday season.

So, today I want to talk to you about something really deep and personal that I have been struggling with. But to help you better understand the story, I want to give you some context.

When I was 16 years old, I was officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder(although I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks way before the official diagnosis). At the same time, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

So, while I knew I had anxiety, I was too depressed to really give a shit (full honesty here). What did I care that I had anxiety (even though it sucked), when I was too busy trying to find the will to live? But, after a 9-10 year battle with depression and anxiety, I was able to beat it and come out on the other side (therapy, medication and getting away from situations that stressed me out as well as going away to college really helped).

I haven't been depressed in over 6 years. Like any other human, I have had periods of sadness and sometimes even long stretches of sadness, but I have never returned to that place. Depression was a dark hole in my life, and I am so thankful to be on the other side. I was proud of myself for all the work that I put in to overcome this in my life (I am only speaking to my experience, no one else's).

However, I have had many, many encounters with anxiety. In my junior year of college, my anxiety got so bad that I would have fainting spells, nose bleeds and panic attacks. I had to go back to see a therapist, get accommodations for all of my classes, and even developed obsessive compulsive tendencies and had a couple of brief dissociative episodes. That year, I truly felt like anxiety would fucking kill me. BUT, that was also the year that I began my serious journey in personal development (and here we are almost five years later).

With the support of my therapist, personal development books, and mindset work, I was able to have panic attacks much less frequently and even got down to rarely. I learned to manage my OCD tendencies (to the point where they became almost nonexistent), and learned to be more mindful in my day to day life.

Because I never had depression again, I thought I would never have anxiety at that level again. I learned to believe in the power of my mindset, my coping mechanisms, my support systems and my ability to remain balanced.

However, I have found that anxiety has reared its ugly head in my life more times than I can count. Again and again, I find my heart racing with panic. I can feel panic attacks coming on, freak the fuck out, and just in general feel a nervous energy thrumming through my body.

The shit thing about generalized anxiety (for me) is that it comes on without warning. I can be fine one minute and an absolute panicky mess the next with no noticeable change in my thought patterns, actions or environment. Exactly like it sounds, the anxiety is just general. This is especially frustrating because I am happy. I'm excited about my life. I love my job; I'm learning more about myself; my friends are wonderful; I look forward to the new chapter in my life and overall am just so grateful to be here. I am literally in on one of the best places I have been in my entire life (and I feel that way). Yet, I am often finding myself anxious.

So, where does entrepreneurship come into this? It's not a secret that I have big plans for Quarter-Life queen (and I want you to be a part of it). But sometimes it's really fucking hard to work on projects, or marketing, or tracking or anything when it feels like my heart is about to jump out of my throat. It's not difficult for me to feel the passion behind what I am doing, but it can be really difficult to enjoy the passion when it is competing with the anxious energy. I have tried many ways to move through this, but it just won't go away. This is incredibly frustrating for me, because I believe in the power of mindset, but I haven't been able to shift out of anxiety through mindset work alone (especially because I can't pinpoint a reason why I feel anxious in the first place!).

This leaves me wondering if I am going to be dealing with anxiety for the rest of my fucking life. And that's when I realized that anxiety is a natural emotion. While not everyone has an anxiety disorder, everyone has felt anxiety at some point or another. I am still learning that anxiety is a difficult emotion to feel, but it is okay to feel it. I just hope to one day reach the point where it is no longer at the level of a disorder. And I truly believe that this is possible for me.

I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this vulnerable post, Queen. And please remember, I am only speaking to my experience and nothing in here is meant to generalize what anxiety and depression looks like in others, nor how it can be treated in others.

Until next time, loves.

Small Ways to Reprogram Your Internal Beliefs

Good Morning, Queen,

And a Merry almost Christmas to all who celebrate. If not, happy end of the year. Today, I want to bring you some of the most helpful actions I have taken in my life that has been the biggest factor in my mindset (and subsequently life) shift.

I've already told you all of the podcasts, YouTubers, and balance rituals that I feel make a huge difference in how I am feeling. But, today, let me tell you some of the things that I surround myself with that makes the BIGGEST shift in my mindset. Because you know what, Queen? You don't always feel like committing to your growth and taking massive action to create in your life. Sometimes you are just sad, or just need space to process, or really just need time to socialize with friends. And ultimately, I have found that some of the biggest subconscious changes come from what you expose yourself to on a daily basis. So, without further ado, let me tell you the TWO things I did to make change.

1. A list of how the best version of me lives her life and shows up. Call them affirmations, commandments, rules or whatever. For me, they are just reminders to keep my eye on what I really want and make sure to stay aligned. And of course, I believe in examples, so here is what I look at multiple times a day (I created them by looking at the area of my life that I wanted to improve as well as the limit beliefs I wanted to release)

1. Feel the fear and do it anyway
2. There is always a bright side. Choose happiness
3. Friends and family are important. Give them the time and love they deserve 
4. The world is a beautiful place. Take the time to see it
5. Know thyself. Know that you don't have to be an expert in everything
6. Your body is your host. Treat it well
7. You are a cosmic being having a human experience. Don't be afraid to dream big. 
8. Never apologize for being yourself. You were made exactly as you were meant to be
9. Life is playful experience of exploration. Don' take things so seriously. 

This is only half of my list, but I hope it gives you an idea. Tip: place this within your line of sight as even if you don't consciously look at it, you can begin to subconsciously accept it. 

     2. Set reminders on your phone. Now I don't mean this as time management. I mean like things you want to remember about who you are, what you want to believe and what you are overcoming. And because I find this kind of difficult to explain, I want to give you some examples of the reminders I have on my phone. Note that the last two are affirmations from Kathrin Zenkina's Unleash your inner money babe book (available on Amazon). 

• Be who you are and say what you feel: Be you always 
• Dedicated, happy, kind: How you show up in the world
• I am open and ready to receive all the wealth life offers me
• My actions create constant prosperity 

So you can see these are combinations of identity shifts that I have been making as well as affirmations to shift my limiting beliefs. I like that these come up at certain times everyday because they remind me of who the best version of me is and what it is that I am working towards. 

I hope that you find these tips helpful! If anything, I hope it also shows that mindset change can be a combination of big actions but also small things that don't require your full attention. BONUS! Setting your desktop wallpaper with an affirmation or vision board is also a really great way to reprogram your subconscious mind and stay hella inspired. AND you can access some really high vibe ones for free right on the QLQ freebie page. 

I hope this helps you end 2018 and enter 2019, aligned AF. What little things do you do to feel aligned? I would love to hear more in the comments below. 

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10 Life Lessons from Postgraduate Life

Hello Queen,

I have been feeling some tension within myself lately and I think that is because I have been reflecting on 2018 in preparation for 2019, but refusing to touch the really painful parts of my life after I graduated. For all of my recently graduated or about to graduate queens, I want to have a very vulnerable expression with you about all of the lessons I have learned in life. I think the saying goes experience is the best teacher, but sometimes experience is harsh. So, without further ado, allow me to openly share with you some of the worst experiences that I have had, what they have taught me and how I have grown from it.

1. What you think about yourself makes a huge difference. I spent so much of my life unknowingly (and knowingly) seeking the approval of others. I sought out validation because I subconsciously believed that I needed to prove something. This spanned from getting a bachelor's degree, to getting a master's degree, to traveling the world, to always having a job. I didn't know that I was looking to prove that I was a worthwhile person until I stopped feeling like one. It was when I was looking for my first full-time position that I realized I didn't see myself as a very qualified person (even though I was). So, while I tried to fake confidence, I learned that other people are very intuitive and know when you don't believe in yourself or your abilities. And that was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn while unemployed. 
2. Living as the best version of yourself doesn't mean living outside of your means. You already know that I believe in manifestation. In undergrad, I just always seemed to get what I want without trying very hard. Good grades, the internships, the funds to study abroad twice. Getting to backpack across Europe when I didn't have any money. You get the point. I just trusted that what I was meant to have, I would have. I trusted that the Universe would have my back no matter what I did. If I wanted something or to level up, I just had to act as if. So, when I started buying things and experiences I really wasn't aligned with, I just trusted that the Universe would take care of it. This included a very luxury apartment when I didn't even have job yet. I just trusted that I would find a job that would pay me well enough to continue to live there (because I had a masters degree). If you have been reading this blog for a long time, you will already know how this worked out for me (not well). Let me be clear that I don't think the Universe was punishing me. Instead, I think this was the only way I was willing to listen to the fact that acting as if doesn't mean going into debt or spending all of your money. It means embodying the best version of yourself through your behaviors and beliefs. Not through the things that you have. And trust me queen, when you can't afford rent, you'll really stop caring about those luxury features. 
3. Shoulds are an illusion: I wasn't surprised when anxiety flared up with a vengeance last year. I was struggling to pay my bills and had so much outstanding debt, it wasn't anywhere near funny and many times lead me to stress about accounts going into collections. So, it made sense that I was anxious and stressed out; I was struggling financially. But, once I got my finances together, I found that while I was less stressed, I was still anxious. And well, what self-development taught me was that a lot of the times, the anxiety was being caused by an incongruence between where I wanted my life to be and where it was. It was also caused by measuring my life and path against the life path I felt like I should be on, and comparing where other people were to where I was. What I learned from this is that there is no such thing as a should. We are all on our unique paths and timeline. Timing is everything and things will unfold as and when they are meant to.  
4. Following the "right path" does not guarantee security: I wrote an entire blog post about this, my queen. You can read my whole perspective on this valuable lesson right here. 
5. You are in control of how you react: No matter how much shit was going on in my life, I had to learn not to give my power away. Having a shitty day (or year) did not give me the right to treat other people badly. Beyond that, I also learned that I had the power to decided how I would react to anything. I could choose to be positive and grateful for the blessings I did have instead of focusing on the anxiety and depression over my then current circumstances. This made all of the difference for me and my year. 
6. Stress does shit for you: This one is simple. Often it's the worrying about the situation that is worse than the actual situation. Being stressed out about it won't make you a better thinker, provide better solutions or make the issue go away. Instead, I learned that a better approach was to accept the situation for what it was, embrace the emotions that came with the situation and then trust that it would resolve because I am always on the right path. I learned to find the lesson in everything and trust that it was all for my growth. Once I mastered that, I could sit in the silence and find solutions that would work better, or I was able to accept that there wasn't really a lot I could do. 
7. You are more supported than you think you are: Even in my darkest time, I was able to reach out to people to help me out. I can be very stubborn and prideful and as such, I tended to view asking for help as a weakness. However, what my first year and half of life after college taught me was to humble myself and show compassion to others. Asking for help does not make you weak, and I had such a strong support system that was available to me once I asked for it. 
8. Never take away your own power. My biggest fear was hitting the bottom and wanting to commit suicide. Many people talk about the worst outcome being death, but for me, the worst outcome is wanting to die. For anyone who has ever been suicidal, you will know what a dark and painful place that it is. I was severely depressed for a decade of my life and I can only say that level of pain was so much worse for me than the fear of death. But what the painful end of 2017 and rockiness of 2018 taught me was that I am so much stronger and powerful than I think I am. I can choose not to be the victim of my circumstances and taking my own power away only meant closing myself off to seeing the opportunities and blessings that exist in abundance in my life. 
9. Manage your finances well. This one actually still really hurts. As much as I don't like the idea of planning for emergencies (I think it's negative), the truth is that sometimes shit just happens and it will hurt so much more when you are not prepared. As such, I have taken this year to work on my money mindset and find a better balance between future financial freedom, current fun and paying down debt. 
10. Needing help or not knowing it all doesn't make you a less worthy person cause only you can decide your worth

While there are many more lessons that I have learned, these are the biggest ones. I hope that at the very least this post provides a bit more insight into my year.

Also, I have to tell you that I am releasing a limited edition FREE QLQ magazine exclusively to my Epiphany queens. There is some really great content and articles in that, so if you want access to that magazine, I would highly recommend that you sign up for Epiphany here:) TODAY is the last day to sign up for access to this magazine, as it will be getting sent out tonight. Hope to see you there, Queen!

Until next time.

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End of Year Reflections and 2018 Resolutions

Hello Queen!

It is almost the New Year, so you know what that means? PARTY! While yes, it is time to celebrate, it's also time for me to reflect.

So, while we approach the end of the year, I wanted to reflect on 2018. I started this by looking at the post that I made at the beginning of this year listing out my new years resolutions. I checked in with myself to see how much progress I made. Imagine my disappointment when I realized I didn't accomplish a lot of them. But then, I re framed because I was able to see why.

1. The goals I set were the ones I thought I need to be happy or successful
2. They were way too specific and in general just not things I cared about that much. 

For example, major things on my list were to establish a more peaceful morning routine and a relaxation routine. I wanted this because I was constantly reading how life changing these things can be and how all successful people have this down. I want to be successful, so I set about trying to establish one that worked for me. Here's the obvious thing, Queen. What worked for one person will not always work for another.

What I didn't take into account while working on this was that I actually struggle with obsessive compulsive behavior. While a routine may sound relaxing and structured to some, I found that it only triggered my OCD. A routine became nothing but a to do list and I HAD to cross every single thing off that list (the obsession) or like the world would end, or I would die, or my family would die (the compulsion). Instead of being relaxed, a morning routine or relaxation routine only made me horrifically anxious and on edge. So, I dropped that ish.

That still left me with a list of resolutions that I didn't accomplish, or only half accomplished. And that's when it hit me. Just because I didn't get to "finish" my resolutions, doesn't mean that I didn't accomplish a lot of really amazing shit. So, let me tell you just some of the things I accomplished. Not to brag, but to give you a better example of how we have always accomplished something (even if it wasn't what we set out to accomplish).

1. Launched the Epiphany Email list
2. Got way better at designing marketing materials 
3. Got my debt under control and my accounts back in good standing
4. Paid off my rent for the really expensive apartment that I couldn't afford both debt free and not evicted.
5. Found a new dream apartment even when I was really scared that I couldn't
6. Got a full-time job, a promotion and a raise 
7. My health is the best it has ever been in my entire life (even though I GAINED weight, not lost like I set out to do)

While challenging in some ways, I am proud of all that I accomplished in 2018. I encourage you to create a list of all that you have accomplished in 2018 and not focus so much on the resolutions you made and whether or not you stuck with them. So, what's one thing you accomplished that you are so proud of in 2018? I would love to hear and celebrate you in the comments (or via the Quarter-Life Queen email).

Until next time!

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Who Am I Now?

Hello my Queen,

A happy mid December to you all. I have spent the last week or so working through my journal and trying to understand what is still in my way in 2018. By this I mean, I have been trying to move through the last of my limiting beliefs and rewire my mind. I feel that 2019 will be a year of great success and I want to make sure that I am doing all I can to prepare. I'm also working on some sneaky side projects that I am so excited to share with you all, but they are huge! So, I want to prepare.

Speaking of my queens, could you please take a moment to answer this for me? I have a lot of project ideas in mind, but I want to make sure that I am releasing things that you are interested in and would find most helpful.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GXV9NS3

In the spirit of reflection and open honesty, I want to tell you a little bit more about me. About this time last year, I did a post telling you 10 random facts about myself. Now, I want to dive a little bit deeper and tell you about me.

1. I have a bachelor's degree in Writing and Counseling and a Master's in Education (not saying that to brag, just want to show a little about of the background in why I do what I do). I couldn't have predicted that this would all come together in a personal development/self-improvement blog, but I am so happy that it did because I adore QLQ and my QLQ community. 
2. From the ages of 10-18 I had Depression and Generalized Anxiety. Through a lot of work, therapy and space I was able to overcome these things and I am so happy to say that I have been in a better head space mentally for over half a decade. 
3. My dream is to travel the world whenever I want. I have been to 14 different countries and actually work in international education. I look forward to the day when I can just stay in a country for however long I want and leave to anywhere whenever I feel like that (yes, I know the privilege in that statement)
4. I am an ambivert, so I tend to swing either from being very outgoing and sociable or needing a lot of time to myself. 
5. Okay, I now this is weird, but I believe in the supernatural. I grew up in a superstitious hispanic family and I just believe in magic, ghosts, residual energy, witches etc... I also like to believe that mythical beings exist and that we all have the power to create our own kind of magic. For me, that manifests through mindset. 

And that's it! Of course, there is a lot more to me than that, but this is what came to me today. As always, I look forward to seeing you next time. 

And please do just take a minute to take my survey. I'm buzzing with creative energy, but your input is so important to me. Thank you in advance, Queen!

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Finding the Silver Lining

Hello my Queens.

A happy week to you all. So, I just want to tell you something that I learned today. You ever just have one of those days that freaking test you? You know what I mean. It seems like there's just shit on top of shit on top of shit to take care of. That is what today felt like. Let me warn you that there is quite a bit of whine before we get to the lesson that I learned, because I like to tell you the things that happened as they played out in my life.

So, I got caught up in a story last night and fell asleep way past my bedtime (I'm taking about 1 am), but of course, I only did this after taking a sleeping pill, so once I was asleep I was knocked the f out and getting up was a bitch. And so starts our day.

1. I get to the train station with only five minutes to spare only to find that the line to purchase a train ticket is longer than it has ever been. I wait but when it's announced that my train is leaving, I have to run for it, only to be harassed by the ticketing person about them PREFERRING that I don't buy a ticket on the train and being told that I should have woken up earlier. To which my only thought was bitch, don't fucking test me right now (yes, not even I am zen all of the time)
2. Then I get to work only to find that there is an issue with one of my students that needs my attention and a lot of effort from me. 
3. Finally, I find that there is a deep issue with my mac and because it is more than three years old, it is considered obsolete and Apple will not look at it. 

At which point my blood was just fucking boiling. I was lost in my feelings and could definitely feel myself fall into victim mode. It didn't help that I was working on a major mindset shift and was feeling exceptionally vulnerable. But then I remembered that no day is black and white. And that is the lesson that I want to bring you all today. Even in really shit days, the day is not entirely shit. There are moments that sparked a bit of happiness. So, let me tell you the silver linings I found in this day that my mind was convinced sucked. 

1. I was able to catch my train right on time. Not only did I catch it, but I got on and the conductor informed me that my ticket was still valid for the hour. So, that meant that I essentially got to ride for free, and that was lit. 
2. While I was upset about my computer, I realized that I had it for a lot longer than I thought I did, which brought me happiness. My computer and I had a good seven years together and it got me through a lot. In that shift, I was able to remember that I work on a college campus and am able to borrow a really nice mac for however long I need. Plus, I always have access to my work laptop. So while I am sad over the end of my computers life, there are still things to be happy about. 
3. I just looked really fucking cute. I was wearing a new dress and my hair was actually styled. I just felt adorable. 
4. It was a sunny and mild day. This meant that I got to go on a walk on my lunch break and enjoy the fresh air. 

So, while this blog post was the epitome of Shar's selfish time, I hope it helped you see how I am able to see the silver lining even when I am having a bad day. Remember, how your day went is all about perspective and what you choose to focus on. 

Until next time. 

Can you be confident and insecure?

Hello my queen,

A beautiful Friday to you all (although I can’t claim that I know for sure that it’s a Friday when you are reading this). I am overall in a really great mood and continue to feel so blessed and aligned with the best version of myself. I encourage you all to celebrate yourself. In general, as women, I feel like we are taught to berate ourselves and strive to be better but not really celebrate ourselves. Perhaps this is influenced by some kind of misguided perception that to celebrate oneself is to be self-indulgent.

But fuck that shit, girl. We are all damn fucking awesome and I want to celebrate (yes, I am drinking coffee while I write this). I do believe in giving real examples, so I hope you will allow me to take this moment to publicly celebrate myself. And if that is not your thing, I lovingly ask you to skip to the next paragraph. So, I have been feeling incredible. I have finally come to a place where I recognize how completely blessed my life is in so many realms. I am filled with immense gratitude for my health, my apartment, my job, health insurance, money, the country I live in, easy access to clean water, a loving family, an amazing team, my degrees and my beautiful friends. I have also come to a place where I am working on solidifying my relationships with people in my life. In addition, I have come to love my body for all that it is (almost). In general, I feel confident, grateful and like it is completely okay to be myself at all times. As cheesy as it is, I’m just happy to be alive and to live so well.

But of course, I’m also confused. Spoiler alert for all of my young queens out there, I feel like your twenties are filled with a lot of damn confusion. Can you be confident and insecure at the exact same time?! Let me tell you what prompted this.

So, in addition to solidifying my connection to the people that are already important to me, I also want to put myself out there and create connections with others as well. The crazy thing is that I have done some kind of switch recently. I’ve always been kind of intimidated to talk to men, and always willing to pursue female friendships (bear in mind that I was also a lot more guarded than I am now). But in March or so of this year, I finally said fuck it and decided to pursue dating.

Several months and dates later, I am a lot more comfortable talking to men and kind of see it as no big deal. BUT I have also found that I’ve become hella intimidated by women. Intimidated is the wrong word. I guess I’ve become shyer around women I don’t know.

So, I asked myself “what even is shyness in my own life and when does it manifest?” The answer was that shyness is the feeling of wanting to hide away or not make connection. And it manifests when I feel concerned that I won’t fit in, or that I won’t be able to make a connection with this person, or that others will think that I am strange. And well, queen, that’s just flat out insecurity.

Can you be confident and insecure at the same time? Yes, because there are many realms in which you must exist and you don’t have to feel comfortable in every single space. And a reminder that none of us are powerless when it comes to this. The way that I will get through this is by taking my power back. Insecurity like any other emotion is trying to tell me something with its presence. I think the saying is what you are afraid others will think about you is really what you think of yourself. And girl, that’s mindset work which you always have control over.

So off I go to work on this and become more aligned with my best self in the realm of new female friendships. As always, I hoped you enjoyed and if you did, could you please share this with other queens? Thank you, loves!

Until next time!

5 Podcasts That Will Make You Feel Like A Badass

Hello Queen!

Welcome back, loves. I am currently getting over a cold and I don't know if it's all the tea and cough drops, but I feel hype AF. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was torn between two worlds. One where I just write about my life as it is and another where I focus on just providing you with high value content that has a concise message. I finally accepted that it does not have to be one or the other, but today I am bringing you with some high value content. 

So, let's get real. We are all human and we go through seasons. Some days we are out and about ready to kick ass; boss mode fully engaged and all that. While at other times, we are just bleh. No one talk to me, I am now one with my blanket, and I am never getting up. These "seasons" are completely natural and there is no shame in indulging in what you are feeling. I believe that our bodies and spirits intuitively know when it is time to work and when it is time to rest. As such, I try to completely trust what I am feeling and just flow with it. Note that I said try as exhibits A and B will show that I am not always successful. 

However, this blog is all about honesty and I have to tell you that I sometimes swing too far into the relaxed mode. Like girl, if you let me I would never get back up. I enjoy being lazy (although I do not consider myself a lazy person) and honestly, who doesn't? Our bodies are designed to fucking rest and waste as little energy as possible. But, what do you do when lazy girl mode is completely engaged and you ain't got time to be lazy? How do you stay motivated when you are still blearily wiping your eyes from your relaxed season? 

Well Queen, first I have to tell you that we are all different and respond to things differently. What works for me, may not work for you. I could go on and on about some different strategies, but today, I just want to focus on what is most effective for me. PODCASTS! Because I am now old AF and podcasts are my fucking jam. So, allow me to shut the hell up and get to the point. Here are the five podcasts that kick my ass into high gear:

1. Manifestation Babe: This is perfect for tapping into your power. If you need a reminder that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and want to know how to manifest the life of your dreams, this is the fucking podcast for you. Kathrin is honestly such a Babe and has gotten me through so much shit. This is the podcast for when you need to tap back into your inner strength. 
2. Unf*ck Your Brain: This a relatively new love for me, but it deserves the podcast for you. This is the podcast to listen to you when you need to boss up. Kara constantly delivers empowering messages with great advice about how to take ownership of your life and podcast. Everything from managing toxic relationships, to asking for more, to boundaries, to insecurity and everything in between. Described as a feminist podcast, this show is all about girl power and handling shit like a boss. If you're ready to uplevel and stop taking shit (from yourself and others), then listen to this. 
3. Style Your Mind: Cara is one of my OG loves. This podcast is the epitome of glamour and confidence. One, I just love the sound of Cara's voice (soothing AF), but two is that Cara is not one of those really hype bosses. Style your mind for me is all about developing self-absurdness and taking action that feels right to you. If the pressure of getting something done is stopping you from taking action, listen to Style Your Mind. 
4. How I Built This: Warning, these podcast episodes are hella long. But trust me Queen, they are worth it. I would say this is more entrepreneurial focused. I listen to this when I feel like I'm an imposter and am questioning why I even do this. If ever you need a reminder that no successful knew what the fuck they were doing, listen to this. For me, every single listen is a time to not only get some really helpful tips for business, but also a reminder that I'm just as qualified as anyone else to pursue my dreams and that it is possible. 
5. Optimal Living Daily: This podcast is a bit different, as it essentially boils down to blog posts and chapters being narrated. One, I like this because I don't usually make time to read in the morning, and two because it's so quick. Nothing on this podcast is ground breaking, but it is just a good way to start your morning and get a quick boost of inspiration or motivation. 
6. BONUS: Millennial Money: My Queen, I must be honest and say that I do not listen to this often. The only reason being that I am still working on my money mindset and the idea of actually addressing my money issues makes me cringe, so I tend to avoid this. BUT, the few episodes that I have listened to this have been very ground breaking. If you need a push to start handling your money well, or to make changes to your money mindset, please give this a listen. 

Well, that's all Queen! If you give any of these podcasts a listen, could you let me know in the comment section below? I would love to hear your thoughts. 

Until next time.

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Share your thoughts on what QLQ should bring out in 2019

Mindfulness and The Passage of Time

Hello Queen,

Can you believe that we are almost at December?! Honestly, my mind is blown is that the year is almost over. I feel like I spent a lot of my time just completely out of it.

Like do you have times when you feel like you're disconnected from reality? For me, I find that I reach the end of my day and have no idea what the hell I did that day. Or even I will be doing something in that moment and feel detached. It's like my brain said goodnight and my body is on autopilot.

My brain checking out from reality

When I was younger, I enjoyed the passing of time because I feel like I was so eager to reach a reality where I could do whatever I wanted. Now that I have gotten there and hit my mid twenties, I just find the passing of time really stressful.

It's like all of a sudden there is this pressure on me to figure everything out. Get a husband, climb the work ladder, launch the business, save for the house, get your finances together, focus on your health, don't neglect your friends, don't neglect your family etc... So many expectations that I both place on myself and that are placed on me. All of this adds up to make time just fucking fly and let me be honest here, queen. That shit is fucking scary.

So, I want to talk to you about mindfulness. More specifically the things that work for me and what I have found frustrating/challenging.

1. Take a few minutes a day to have a cup of tea or coffee or water. I recommend tea or coffee because then you can get lost in the process of making it and there are more sensations to focus on. Focus on the feeling of things you are touching, the taste of what you're drinking. The warmth or coolness of the drink. 
2. Second is for those days when you are hella busy at work. You can focus on the sensation of your fingers typing on the keyboard. The pressure you are applying, the feelings on your wrist and forearm. Even the curves and lines of the letters on the keyboard. This is a great way to distract yourself from your work while also doing your work. 
3. Number three is about listening when spending time with friends or family. Try to understand what they are really telling you. Place yourself in their shoes and see if you get the emotions they are conveying. At the same time, focus on the feelings you are experiencing. Are you happy, content, anxious, sad etc.. I find that creating these dimensional memories almost stops time in a way and allows me to be more fully present in the moment. 

Now let's talk about barriers. One being memory. There is only so much space in the mind and I find that I am constantly tossing what I don't use. I like to keep my mind relatively blank and uncluttered so I try not to consciously think of things that have already passed (partially fueled by my terrible fear of triggering anxiety). However, this also means that I am constantly in the moment and that makes time go so much quicker. 

Second is the mind. Girl, it's no secret that your brain is constantly trying to automate everything. Obviously, the more things you can automate, the less you have to think and the more your brain can focus on things likes surviving. However, this makes mindfulness difficult which for me contributes the feeling on being out of touch with reality. 

If anyone out there has anymore mindfulness tips, please send them my way queen. Cause this time shit just became one hell of trip. 

Until next time!

It is What It Is: When to Stop Questioning and Enjoy the Now

Hello Queen,

Today, I want to be real with you. I have been feeling super hype lately. I just turned 24 and I think this is one of the few birthdays that I actually feel my age. By this I mean that I feel like I have come into myself. This past year has challenged me to not only learn more about myself in a variety of contexts, but also to be comfortable with who I am at all times. More specifically, I see a lot of opportunities in my life and I am pursuing ventures and activities that at one point scared the shit out of me.

The jarring thing is that it feels like this came on quite suddenly. Obviously, I have been getting more comfortable with myself (and therefore more confident) gradually as I've put in the time to change my mindset. While I have noticed these small changes in myself and have been really happy when I realized that I was feeling so much better, this sudden change to absolute confidence (in most cases) has felt rather abrupt.

It's just like there was this switch. One minute I was striving to be my best self  and the next I was her. I mentioned in my most recent blog post that I think it's a bit fucked up that I am so suspicious of this confidence, but assured you that it was okay to celebrate this.

However, I want to take you one step deeper. Given my history, I wondered if I was channeling someone else. I questioned if I was being Sharlene or if I was being the Sharlene I thought I should be (as opposed to the one I want to be). I wondered if I was riding some kind of bizarre high or if I was subconsciously overcompensating for some feelings of vulnerability that I was refusing to acknowledge.

So, while I celebrated and gave thanks for this amazing mood, I also made sure to frequently check in with myself to make sure I wasn't trying to bury some shit under layers of positive confidence (experience has taught me that what you push down comes back up in some fucking ugly ways). But, I want to note that I did not obsess over this. I just let the curiosity sit in myself and noticed whatever came up.

I came to the conclusion that the confidence I was feeling was genuine, and while I was feeling vulnerable in some arenas of my life, I was not trying to bury it behind confidence. I was not pretending to be anyone, I just stepped into the best version of me. I leveled up.

But I want to tell you what I realized and why I was questioning myself so hard (in hopes that it may help any of you who are struggling with an up level). I have spent the past year working on my mindset. I put everything into my development and to developing habits that would best help me become the best version of me. I spent the past year fucking questioning myself (with fantastic results)! I redefined my life, myself and my beliefs by questioning where I was at, where I wanted to go, what was holding me back, what I wanted to change, what I wanted to keep, why I was feeling ac certain way, if it was true etc... So no freaking duh that when I encountered what I thought was a sudden change, I questioned myself.

Instead of seeing this for the positive change that it was, I regarded it with questioning and suspicion. And that brings me to what I want to end this blog post with. My queen, I am all for self-exploration, but sometimes it's time to stop questioning yourself. Yes, grow and approach life with curiosity, but you don't need to be suspicious of every change that comes your way. I firmly believe that things come to you as you are meant to have them, so enjoy them! Trust me babe, you have fucking earned it.

Until next time!

The Confidence that Comes With Mindset Work

Hello Queen,

I have been doing some serious thought work. I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I feel very comfortable with what I am doing and how my career is going. I'm happy with all of the ways I am pushing myself to explore the things that I am uncomfortable with and grow as a person as a result. But of course, healing is a journey, so I found myself half asleep last night and wondering if I was feeling anxious because I was not being true to myself.

To provide some context, I've been feeling pretty confident and truly handling things like a boss. Sometimes I even found myself if I was feeling too confident because I've also expressed by opinions exactly as they are and stopped giving a shit what anyone thought. I felt like a giant and like with any extreme, I asked myself where that was coming from. For me, it's so important to ask that because I know that I inflate my ego and confidence levels when I am feeling the most insecure.

To be clear, I love being confident and don't believe there's anything wrong with it, but I do think (for me anyway) that being fake confident only prevents you from doing the inner work to get to true confidence. Fake it till you make it only works for so long. You can't fake it for the rest of your life because the point is that you want to FEEL this way, not pretend that you do.

But when I asked myself what I was feeling insecure about, I found that it was very little and the same things I am usually insecure about (weight, imposter syndrome, reaching my full potential etc...). So, the inflated sense of confidence was coming from somewhere else.

And that's when it hit me. Why am I so suspicious of confidence? Why do I find it so hard to believe that I just genuinely feel confident in myself? I had to be honest with myself and say that I had spent so long faking confidence (or even bordering on arrogance) that the thought of me being truly self-assured was shocking. Here's what I want to tell you.

I have spent the last several years (and more intensely this past year) working on better understanding myself and how I operate. I put in the work to change my mindset and love myself as I am. I put in the effort to become the creator of my reality my getting clear on what I wanted, getting out of my own way and fucking trusting that things would always work out in my best interest.

2018 was the year that I truly understood that we are all spiritual beings having human experiences so why the heck am I wasting time stressing over things that are absolute specks of dust in the universe? The point for me is to have fun and go after the things I want with curiosity. So, when I aligned with the best version of myself (who is confident and self-assured), I really questioned if I was being myself or if I was channeling someone else.

To wrap up this episode of Shar's selfish time, I want you to know that the moment you realize you are the best version of you, celebrate it, even when it feels jarring. Because girl, you DID THAT!

Until next time, Queen!

Honesty Hour: What's it Like to Run a Personal Development Blog?

Hello my queens!

I have to tell you something that I have been thinking about quite a lot these last few days. It's not a secret that I have been thinking of ways to expand Quarter-Life Queen and bring value to you all in different ways. I have been taking my interest in being a business woman more seriously, defining what running a business means to me and working on my business mindset. With that came thoughts about how to expand the QLQ queendom.

Maybe I've just been reading too many self-help/business books (definitely), but I have been struggling with the idea of adding value. I so deeply believe that there is value in sharing your story as it is. I believe there is value in being vulnerable and inviting others to connect with you on those experiences. But, I spend so much time in the personal development world (of course, QLQ is a personal development blog), that I wonder if I should be adding value in different ways--particularly when it comes to my writing.

Which brings us to the point of this post. One of the biggest struggles of running a personal development blog is putting out "high-value" content. I feel the external (and arguably perhaps non-existent) pressure to produce content with specific, concise advice for dealing with every situation in life. The idea behind personal development is that I give you some tools and resources to continue to develop.

However, this has also been conflicting with my desire to just share my life with you as it is. I don't want to preach to you, nor do I want to give you advice on subject areas which I have only begun to scratch the surface on. If I want to be real honest with you, I would also want you to know that part of this internal conflict comes from both comparing my blog with other blogs and with the fear that I am not doing enough.

The very first day I started this blog, I vowed to be honest. I was frustrated by the circumstances in my life and what I felt was a glossing over what it actually takes to get to success. I wanted to share my journey with you as it plays out. I guess for me, that's going to have to mean silencing the advice of other people on what my blog should be, or what my posts should like (notice I did not say ignore). And although there is anxiety that the gray area in which quarter-life queen exists will leave me stagnant, I must bravely move forward anyway. And to every other queen out there dealing with the fear that the content they put out is not high value enough, I encourage you to keep it moving as you see fit. Trust that what you feel called to do and how you feel called to do it is enough.

Until next time!

What if I don't want to be a full-time entrepreneur?

Hello Queens!

Let me start this post off with a story time. So, I went to a work conference last week. I learned my lesson from my first conference and removed the pressure for me to attend everything. Instead, I went to the things that I wanted to go to and took me time whenever I got overwhelmed. This made the conference extremely enjoyable and allowed me to authentically connect with those in the same field.

Upon my return to home, I was doing a reiki healing session. I invited any unspoken thoughts or unexpressed feelings to present themselves. I did this while I was half asleep because I find that this is a time when my mind is not blocked by my consciousness. By which I mean, I am more easily able to access my subconscious beliefs. So, here's what came up. On one path, I could see my business and I could see all that it could be. I felt light and happy even when I acknowledged what I was afraid (who am I to attempt to start a business in the work of mindset). On the other path, I saw myself as a director and I could see how easy it would be to climb the ladder and become an authority in the field. I saw all that I could be in this field of work and I saw the steps I had to take to get there. Then, the panic set in, because which fucking path do I choose? If I am happy in both realities, which reality do I go with.

Very quickly I realized that I was yet again making the world black and white. This time, it was enforced by the false dichotomy of employee or entrepreneur. Conventional wisdom says that you should be striving to make your side hustle a full-time business. If you're serious about your business you would do it full time and all that. Well, I have to call bullshit at least for me. I love QLQ and all that it stands for. I am so passionate about what I do for QLQ and about what I do at work.

Ultimately, I never intended to work full-time in business. I do it for the love of doing it, plus the best version of me only works 4-5 hours a day MAX in her business. That being said, I have decided that I am allowed to both love my job and love my business. I am allowed to want to do both and doing both says absolutely nothing about how committed I am to either.

So, for my mulit-passionate queen, I wish to assure you that you can fucking have it all. Don't feel pressured to pick one or the other unless you want to! As always, I hope you enjoyed this post. Now go on with your best self.

Until next time.

Setting Professional Boundaries

Hello Queen!

It is a gorgeous brisk day here in Pennsylvania. There is a threat of snow and I am high-key hoping that the office will be closed tomorrow because your girl needs a fucking break. Which brings me to the point of this blog post. Work place stress and overwhelm.

I feel this is a double edged sword because on one hand the additional work indicates that people trust you to do the job well and really helps you with the resume. In a lot of ways, the additional work is helpful in positioning for success. But then there's the part of you that is human and can't fucking do it all. For me, it's hard to say no because I love what I do so much, because I see the work is needed and because I see how this additional work will help me get far in my career.

Me contemplating life and adulthood on my commute 

At the same time, I have to learn how to respect myself and my boundaries in the work place. My ability to do my job well is extremely limited if I constantly feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack. If I'm twitching every time I think about any task, then there is clearly a problem. So, I did what I always do, and that is research. I asked people in the field how they deal with workplace stress; I read articles and blog posts; I reached out to professional associations and listened to podcasts. Most importantly, I looked at all of this in the context of my workplace and my workplace culture. I want to give you a summary of what resonated most with me.

1. A boundary is not about changing another person's behavior. It's about understanding yourself and what you will not accept. It's about creating space for you to live and work comfortably. 
2. You have to know when it is time for you to set a boundary. Here are the three emotions that let you know it's time to set a boundary. Anxiety, resentment, sadness or guilt. If you feel any of these things then it's time for you to analyze what is causing the feeling and what you are willing to do about it. 
3. Boundaries don't work unless you are willing to enforce them. Again, you are not trying to change another persons behavior. You are just making it clear what you will and will not accept for your own sanity. For me, this is especially hard because how do you respectfully and maturely enforce a boundary in the workplace? This can be made especially harder if you are new in the field and don't want to jeopardize your chance for growth or create unneeded tension in the workplace. 
4. Boundaries are about respect for yourself. There is no shame in setting a workplace boundary and it is completely necessary. Trust me, setting the boundary is a lot more comfortable than having a mental break down in front of all your coworkers. 
5. You don't have to set all of your boundaries at once--especially if this is a new and uncomfortable experience for you--set the boundary around the issue that is bothering you the most and then work your way from there. 

Well that's all queen. A bit of a break from the entrepreneurial and mindset work, because I am coming to realize that it is okay to love your job and your business. 

Until next time!

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3 Tips for Managing Anxiety and Catastrophizing

Hello Queen!

I have always vowed to be open and honest with you all on here. I never wanted to project the image that my life was perfect. For me, that also means telling you where I am struggling. This past few days I have been struggling with my mental health.

Like, I was just walking to the train station on my way to work and I started crying (actually tears, looking like a mess crying) because I remember a music video where they killed this girls dog. Then I remembered that a little kid hurt his little chin. Then I felt guilty because I had to go back home for work and I just wanted to be around my friends and family. I just started to feel overwhelmed and like I was missing the most important parts of life. I was an emotional wreck which wasn't helped by the fact that I was dealing with work stress.

I can't remember if I ever said this, but I struggled with an anxiety disorder for a huge chunk of my life. Thankfully, I have mostly overcome this and it had been two years since I had a big panic attack and I suddenly found myself panicking.

While this post is about being real with you and saying sometimes life is hard even when it feels like everything is going right, it's also about telling you what I wish I would accept.

I don't need to tell you when you are in the space where everything feels like it's happening at one time and you can't get your mind to shut up, that it's hard to keep perspective.

1. Just because you are anxious now does not mean that anxiety has to be a key part of your identity or that you will ALWAYS feel anxious. Anxiety is not your emotional home, so just allow yourself to move through it. 
2. Anxiety is a natural response to stress. Don't judge yourself for being human and having a human response. You being angry or stressed about your stress won't make you less anxious. Yes, I know that sometimes you can't help it, especially when you are in the thick of it, but I encourage you to just allow yourself to sit with your emotion without judging them or trying to fix them. 
3. It's never that serious. What feels like will probably kill you now, won't. Keep perspective and realize as difficult as this state is, it is also temporary. A really helpful tip that I learned from the unfuck your brain podcast is to play your worst case scenarios all the way out. I know that when I get anxiety my brain obsesses over the worst part. It's like shit hits the fan, the world ends and you die. For most of us and most situations, death is not the outcome. If you're panicking or feeling overwhelmed about a situation take your mind to the very end. You lose your job, you don't get the raise, you have to manage everything by yourself and then what? I find that this tip is also really helpful for keeping perspective.  

So, while I know this logistically the anxiety that I am having is temporary, when you are in it it's hard to keep that perspective. I personally become very focused on me and even tasks that I know will help me become impossible to focus on. So, I tell you these things both as a reminder to myself and to you that you will and can get through it.

Until next time!

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Connect with your fellow queens in the EXCLUSIVE QLQ community

Share your thoughts on what QLQ should bring out in 2019

On the Importance of Energetic Boundaries

Hello Queens!

Can you believe that it is November already?! It's hard for me to conceptualize that 2018 is already almost over, but then I remember that time is an illusion. So, in preparation for the end of the year, I have been getting clear on how I want to end the year, what I am still working on, what I don't want to bring with me in 2019 and what I do want for 2019. While that sounds like a lot, it does just boil down to this: I want to make sure that I am aligned with my best self. That means identifying any limiting beliefs that I have and doing my best to rewrite them, and thinking deeply about any fears that I have and turning those fears into strengths. It also means being honest with myself about where in my life I tend to quit. It also means getting super clear on what I want my future to look like and who future me really is.

How I'm trying to enter 2019 with less sass and all the glam

The reason that I say it's so simple is that what that all boils down to is I want to work on my mindset and strengthen my spirituality. That's it. So, why am I telling you this? Because while I work on all of this, my life doesn't stop. I still get to go to work in the morning, I'm still working on a million different projects and making time for the people that I care about in my life. At times it can be really difficult to make time for the activities and exercises I know I need to do to accomplish the last of my 2018 goals and go into 2019 like a boss. I have to make space for these things and when you feel overwhelmed or deprived it's hard to do so.

But, here's the thing. I so believe that you can't give from an empty cup. I don't believe in sacrificing your sanity and your growth for the sake of others. And here's why. The world needs you to be the best version of yourself. I find that when I give my energy and there is nothing left to give that I end up giving with resentment. The energy and time and love that I give are not as powerful as they could be because I am not giving myself the time to recuperate.

I am learning that everything is energy, so I do make an effort to ensure that the energy I put out is a positive and cleansing one, and not drops of whatever is left from me overextending myself. You know, I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post was. I think I just need to share this with you. As always, thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that you enjoyed.

Until next time, Loves!

Identity, Internal Beliefs and Making Change

Good Morning, My Loves!

As you may know, I’ve been working on my sense of worth. Last year and parts of this year were extremely challenging in terms of finances. I am so happy to say that I am all caught up with everything and no longer struggle to pay any of my bills. However, imagine my horror when the feelings of anxiety only lessened but didn’t go away. All this time I thought I was stressed because I was struggling to pay my bills. I am infinitely grateful that I am out of that part of my life now and am grateful for what it taught me about myself and my mind set. Out of that dark place came Quarter life Queen, so I can’t be too mad.

So, last night was the full moon (although sad face I couldn’t see it). And with the realization that while I return to happiness and peace every day, I also return to anxiety, fear and anger. With that in mind, I set my intention to get to the root of this. I’ve touched on limiting beliefs before, but this was different because I was getting to my subconscious identity. What’s the saying? You’re not the belief, you are the believer of the beliefs.

I asked the universe to show me my identity and it came through. And I’m telling you, it was a breakthrough like nothing else. There were lots of things that were part of my subconscious identity that I was just like wow, I can’t believe this became part of me, but I want to talk to you about the big one. Ready?

My identity said you are a person who must overcome adversity and problems because it makes you a stronger and more worthwhile person. The more you overcome, the better you understand yourself and the stronger your spirit gets.

My connection with the universe immediately said and this is why you feel anxious and afraid. Your subconscious identity keeps looking for a problem to overcome because you believe it contributes to your worth. Let this go.

I was like damn, girl. But it made a lot of sense because much to my anger and stress, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just feel safe. Well, now I know.

I wrote a post earlier about when I first found out that shifting my thoughts and beliefs alone wouldn’t make the kind of massive changes I was looking for. While I’ve been very successful in changing many aspects of my identity and live a better life for it, this is the part of my identity that I struggled the most with because it was in conflict with what I consciously thought and believed.

Well, that is all, Queen, I just wanted to give you some insight into something I am dealing with and how I got to the root of it. I hope you enjoyed this post and that you found it helpful.

Until next time!

Why Happiness Is My Default

Hello Queen!

You may be reading this to yourself and going, huh? I mean, this blog is all about balance and mindset and allowing yourself to be a person. Yet, here I am telling you that happiness is default (which worked beautifully as an affirmation for me). Give me a second to explain.

Our culture in general promotes happiness and positivity. For obvious reasons, as those are pleasant feelings to feel and really do change the way you view your life and your life circumstances. I do believe in the power of positive thinking and mindset. But, I don't believe in choosing happiness at the expense of numbing all of your other emotions, or worse at the expense of beating yourself up when you feel any emotion that's not traditionally positive.

So, why am I sitting here telling you that happiness is my default? Well, because I definitely have periods of time when I am funk (sometimes for weeks at a time). During those periods it can be all too easy to unintentionally start believing that I am sadness, or that I am anger, or that I am anxiety. When you are lost in those dark times when it feels like you're just drowning and trying to make it to the next day, it is hard to remember a time when you felt happiness (heavy, I know).

Honestly, Chandelier is such a beautiful, sad song. I am also completely fine, loves! I actually am in a beautiful place.

But, an amazing hack that I found was to make one of my core beliefs that happiness is my default. Because if happiness is my default, then it means that all of the other emotions that are filling me with doubt and heaviness are temporary (as are all emotions). If happiness is my default, then it means that I will eventually return to happiness. 'm not telling you to force happiness (again, I encourage you to allow yourself to be a person with the full spectrum of emotions)! This tip and mindset has worked so incredibly well for me, so I had to tell you this! It's quite simple,but I do hope that it helps you if you feel like happiness is just a distant memory (I really hope that's not the case).

Let me also just take this second to tell you something exciting! I am working on a massive project that I believe with every fiber of my being will help you step into your power. But, I'm giving first access to my Epiphany community. So, if you're not on the list, I would like to welcome you to join now. Hope to see you there, babe!

Until next time

6 Limiting Beliefs Around Owning and Running A Business: Expanding the QLQ team

Hello Queen,

I have to tell you that right now I am just about on the verge of a panic attack. Why? Because I finally decided to step into the role of an entrepreneur and am taking the steps that 7 figure me would take. IE spending money in my business. I have to tell you that the game becomes so much scarier when you invest money in your business. Why? Because I have skin in the game. I am still working on rewiring my stories around limiting business and what it means to own a business. The scary thing is that I didn't even consciously know that I had these beliefs, but it explains why I have been so reluctant to call myself a businesswoman (even as I claimed the desire to own an empire). I also believe in letting you see me as I am, so allow me to tell you some of the stories around business that were wreaking silent havoc in my head. Let me know if any of these sound familiar to you.

1. Business is hard
2. 95 percent of business fail and ruin the lives of their founders with countless debt
3. Selling is dishonest and inauthentic
4. Business requires sacrifice of most of the things that make life worth living
5. Business is a popularity contest
6. The way to avoid real disaster in your business is to not put any money into because the chances of getting it back are nearly impossible. 

Girl, let me tell you that it's the last one that is really trying to kick my ass right now. I am by no means rich at all, but I refuse to operate my business from my current circumstances because my current circumstance are not where I want my business to be. It's a big time for Quarter-Life Queen not only because it is our one year anniversary soon, but because I am expanding and looking for more ways to connect with you queens on a different level. 

I just hired someone to create a Quarter-Life Queen logo and while not expensive, the idea that I just hired someone is fucking scary. Scarcity mindset me is like what are you doing?? It's playing doomsday music and scenarios insisting that I had the skills to do this on my own. It's fucking terrifying because I've also just come out of being flat ass broke and the conservative fearful part of me wants to retreat into her shell and hide (never mind the fact that the voice does not speak up when I am spending money on clothes, shoes, food or experiences. It's just the fact that it is a business investment that makes it so scary). You can read more about expecting to fail here :). 

But here's the thing that I've realized. I can't do it all alone and I wouldn't want to. Sure, I could create my own logo, but that would require hours of learning graphic design that I just don't want to spend time on (not my zone of genius). Plus, what successful business has the owner and CEO doing everything? I just want to be able to build this as feels good to me. I want to focus on connection with you all and not all of the back end stuff that I really don't know much about. Remember my entrepreneurial queen, you did not start a business so you could spend your entire life in it. You are not an employee. 

But, I digress. Home girl is like AHH!! 

My ego having a panic attack as I start to take my goals seriously. 

It's fucking terrifying to spend money on a logo. I can't imagine how scary it's going to be to hire an assistant (again, stemming from my fear of actually starting a business). And you know what? It's okay to be scared. Fear is a natural response. The important part is that I am still taking action. So, I will treat myself with kindness as I learn how to shift my beliefs around business, what it means to be a business and how to invest in my business. 

Until next time!

Is there such thing as too much self-help?

Hello Queens,

To be honest with you, I am writing this post ahead of time because I am currently feeling so inspired. So, lol I don’t even know what week it is when you are reading this. Is it Halloween yet? If so, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! As the year comes to a close I find myself feeling both proud of how far I have come and confused as to where the heck the year went. I accomplished a lot of what I set out to accomplish, but I also feel like there is so much more to do and I am putting a lot of pressure on myself (I am working on alleviating this by giving myself permission to lower the expectations for myself. I really don’t need to do it all).

I am determined to enter 2019 as the absolute best version of myself and I am doing that by reading as many personal development books as I can and applying what I learn immediately in my life. In part, because I hope this will be the change that I am looking for and in fear that not applying what resonated with me just means that I wasted my time. But, here’s the thing that I’ve only just recently come to ask myself.

Do I really understand what I am applying? Have I given myself the time to truly understand what I have learned and how it applies to me before I clumsily implement it in my life and eagerly move on to the next book/lesson?

Sadly, the answer was that I was just jumping from one thing to the next. I applied things to my life only to realize later that I didn’t fully understand that lesson or action in the first place. And that just means that I probably caused myself more harm in my misguided attempt to be a better me (because some part of me believes that I am not enough as I am).

So, while there are so many amazing books that are coming out that I want to read (not only for myself but for a sneaky project I am working on for all of you), I don’t need to read them all right now. I have come to understand that it is better for me to understand what I have learned and then apply it. I don’t always need to apply what I have learned immediately. I don’t always need to take action right away. Sometimes it’s better to let things absorb. I also had to confront the fact that somewhere along the way, I became a self-help junkie. I don’t know how to stop because I love personal development (hello, QLQ is a personal development blog), lol but I will tell you how this new plan of mine works out. For now, I silence my inner book worm who is desperate to read it all and I embrace the curiosity within myself. It’s time to do some more work about why I feel the need to constantly be better than who I was yesterday.

Until next time!

Social Media, Comparisonitis and Feelings of Failure

Hello Queens,

Ugh, I can’t even tell you how nice it is to be back in the normal rhythm of things and just talk to you all about what’s going in life. As cheesy as it is, I have to say that I value this connection that we all have (the connection of shared understanding of experience). But enough of the mush, today I want to get real with you. I want to tell you why I have really taken a step back from Quarter-Life Queen (more of the backend of operations and not so much this blog).

The first week of November will mark the one year anniversary of QLQ. I am so infinitely proud and happy that I have not only passionately stuck with this for the year, but that I have expanded it in so many ways. Quarter-Life Queen has not only allowed me to connect with you all on a deeper level, it has allowed me to transform my life, redefine my dreams, identify my purpose and go after my ideal life with all of my heart. Through Quarter-Life Queen (and all of you) I am the best version of myself that I have ever been and I have become so confident in a multitude of ways.

But, I’m a person. I am a millennial woman in the digital age where I am constantly surrounded by the highlight reels of everyones lives. I got caught in the numbers and in other people’s success. I got distracted by number of followers, brand deals, number of engagement, sales, product design, profit margins etc.. I got down in the dumps because I focused on everyone else’s accomplishments. Instead of acknowledging how far Quarter-Life Queen has come, I focused on how far everyone else has gone.

Because of that, all I could think was why isn’t this bigger? What am I doing wrong? Should I be selling? How did these people get so many followers? Why do I care about the numbers? Round and round my head went. The more I thought about other people’s success, the more I felt like my own accomplishments were absolutely meaningless in comparison (hey, I said full honesty here).

In the words of Cara Alwill Leyba, I took my eyes off my own paper. I tied my worth to the popularity of QLQ and blinded myself to the fact that I don’t do this for the number or the money. I do this because I believe in the value of open expression of story. I do this for all of you who need to hear an honest exploration of life as a confused post-grad who is determined to live her best life. I do this because I want all of you to live of your own design, not the life that you were told you should want.

Comparison is a natural instinct. We all want to fit in. We all want to belong because not belonging would have probably meant death for our ancestors. That being said, it has never been easier to compare your own life to the projection that people put out there. I’m not claiming that anyone is being dishonest (and I would never as judgment is against one of my core values—again, i’m not perfect). But I had to learn the hard way that I don’t know people’s hardships. I also had to acknowledge that the comparisonitis that was making me feel so terrible about myself was stemming from a scarcity mindset.

Someone else’s success, must mean my failure because there is only so much success to go around. My queen, this is completely false. There is more than enough for everyone to be successful. And only you can define what success means to you.

So, please celebrate yourself and always remember all of your accomplishments mean something because of the way they make you feel. Don’t be afraid to celebrate yourself and what you have done.

Until next time my loves

Why Am I Afraid of Success?

Hello Queens,

I hope you’re all having a fabulous day. Today, I want to give you insight to a belief that is taking me so long to overcome (seriously, it’s been almost a year). So, you may have read the title and said to yourself, "who’s afraid of success?" or you might have said: "yes! Someone who understands". Either way, I want to tell you why I find success so scary.

Okay, so when I started Quarter-Life Queen, I was broke, unemployed and in a mass amount of debt. I felt like shit and overall really just wanted to curl up into a ball. But, I did the exact opposite of what my feelings were telling me to do. I followed my intuition and started this blog. I put myself in the spotlight and let the world see me as I am (even the most vulnerable parts of myself).

However, as I did this I also had to confront the fear that shouted the loudest. I was convinced that being successful was not something that I wanted. In my mind success meant countless hours of work, immense stress and perhaps an early death by heart attack. Immense success meant the return of my anxiety and perhaps addiction as I leaned on drugs, alcohol and sex to numb the stress of running a must-billion dollar empire. Where did I learn this? From media of course! How many TV shows and movies depict the successful business tycoon whose life is a giant fucking mess? How many celebrities end up in rehab? How much research is there on kids from rich families who end up heavily involved in cocaine and the drug word? In my mind success meant having a lot of money but ultimately leading a meaningless life that I need to escape from at risk of my own health and well being.

But then there was the other perceived component of success that I was afraid of. Success also meant social isolation. It meant the spotlight, which meant more haters and people just saying absolutely nasty things about me. It meant a life of constant judgement, constantly needing to prove that I was a good person and that I was worthy of the success that I had. How many immensely wealthy and successful people do media and society absolutely tear apart? The focus is more often on the ways that they are human and fuck up, than on all of the good they do in their everyday lives. Worse yet, an action of good that is done is seen as a publicity stunt rather than the person using their status and wealth to advocate for an issue that they care deeply about. It was clear to me that to be successful was also to be more hated than loved.

But, I’m not done. Because I am also a woman. And the successful women that are portrayed in media are portrayed as cold hearted bitches married to their job and without a fuck given to any other aspect of their lives. They are flat, one dimensional beings with an almost robotic dedication to their jobs. Work/life balance for a successful woman? Friends and family? Nah sis, doesn’t exist for the successful woman.

So, is it any wonder that myself and so many other women find successful so utterly terrifying? Run the business of my dream and still live a happy and fulfilled life full of love and connection? No, that’s not possible so I may as well give up on my dreams, became a global wall flower and stay nice and hidden where it’s safe.

But here’s the thing, I choose to take action in spite of my fear. I trust that I will remain the same good person that I am because that is who I have always been. I trust that I would stay so dedicated to my growth because I always have. The friends and family that I have and stay committed to won’t go away. Success doesn’t have to mean changing who I am. It doesn’t have to mean giving up on meaningful connection with others and it doesn’t mean living for my job.

One, only I can define what success means to me. Two, I go after my dreams and my business because I believe that there is someone, somewhere who needs to hear the message that I put out. I believe in my purpose. As I said at the beginning of this post, I am still working on this belief. There are still projects that I back away from because I know it will be immensely successful and that’s still scary! But at least now, I know the root of the fear and I can work to change those roots to create a new empowering belief.

I hope you enjoyed this honest exploration loves!

Until next time.

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