Managing hella fucking stress

Hello My Queen,

First and foremost, your girl is hella fucking stressed and desperately trying to release this worry. You already know that one of my favorite quotes is "Worrying is praying for stuff you don't want," by Jen Sincero (or at least now you know). But, I have a policy of honesty on here because that's who I am. I want us to have a real connection and for anyone reading this to know that the road to success isn't always rainbows and sunshine. This week has been filled with so many blessings, but also a lot of anxiety.

Now, I'm all about gratitude and can fully acknowledge that there is so much good in my life. The very minimal problem in my life does not by any means overpower all of my blessings, including the blessing of being alive and having access to opportunity. I tell myself this everyday, I affirm that greatness is coming, I remind myself that I can overcome anything, I do gratitude practices and still I find this worry sneaking into my nightmares, making my heart race and feeling like I'm about to fucking fall off a cliff.

And that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. I strongly believe in manifestation, law of attraction and all of that jazz. I do, which is what makes it so hard to embrace this struggle because I'm afraid that by allowing this anxious feeling to exist, I will somehow push away all of the other blessings in my life. Again, this comes from my deep seated fear of divine punishment.

In the middle of my nightmares, in the morning, on the way to work, every second, I ask for the patience and strength to embrace the painful emotion of fear. I ask for reassurance that all will be alright. I ask for wisdom to see whatever lesson I am meant to see from this. My mission for the next two weeks is to live by my own motto. It is what it is and to release all worry. I am trusting that everything will workout. I am treating myself with kindness and being gentle with myself as I go through this huge and terrifying transition.

To the queen who is going through something, know that this is temporary, know the universe is kind, treat yourself with kindness and trust that all will workout. Also, please don't hesitate to ask for help in any way that you can.

So if you feel that you are on the edge of a cliff about to fall to your death, the good news is that you know how to fly.

All my love,

Shar

Dear Creative Entrepreneur: Replenishing your Creative Reserves

Hello My Queens,

I hope that you are all well. Surprisingly, recently, I have not been thinking. Today, I want to talk to you about projects or tasks that are energetically demanding.

I write this blog, have a YouTube channel and work on my social media growth. In addition, I work on a few other projects, work on developing the skills to become the boss I know I will be, and go to my 9-5 job. If you are a long-time reader of Quarter-Life Queens then you know this. But if not, well now you do. Something I have been thinking about is how demanding these projects are, not just in terms of time (I have a whole post about side-hustle time management), but in terms of literal creative energy.

I love my creative energy, and it makes me so happy to see other people express their creative energy, but since part of your empire is your personal brand. I definitely feel this pressure to produce engaging contact, and it was only when I started challenging myself that I realized there is a limit to how often I can tap into my creative reserves.

Photo by Hipster Mum on Unsplash

You can love any one of these tasks with all of your heart, but there is a limit to how creative you can be in a single day, week or even month. For instance, I find that I have the most creative ideas when it comes to coming up with general topics for these blogs as well as filming videos. But, when it comes to executing, I struggle with finding the words or editing videos in new and creative ways.

If you are also a multi-passionate queen, then you understand this struggle and that trying to force your energy into one area is draining. We are all about balance here on Quarter-Life Queens--duh, your home girl is a Libra-- so I want to remind you that taking a break is necessary. Not just for your own health but for the health of your business. If you are greedily tapping into your creativity without replenishing then you will find that the burn out is hella real.

My one tip for refreshing your creative reserves is to honor where you are. Don't try to force anything; make progress where you canand trust that what is meant for you is still meant for you.

I hope that you enjoyed this post and remember that as queens, we strive for progress not perfection. So preserve some of that energy for yourself or some of your other projects (that is a sneaky hint of what is to come).

Cordially Yours,

Shar

Defeating Desire Shame: Embracing what you REALLY want

Hello My Queens,

Today I want to talk to you about shame.

I am now an adult and therefore have suddenly developed a passion for pinterest. My pinterest homepage consists of affirmations reminding me how amazing I am, and that I am capable of anything. But, I found myself creating secret boards and naming them things like my deepest wishes, or life goals. My affirmation, style and inspirational quotes I keep public. So, I had to question why it was that I was keeping these boards private.

I realized that my secrecy was two-fold: I was scared that making it public would invite other's negative energy into my life, AND I was scared that people would think I was shallow or superficial for wanting the things that I want. And that brings us to the point of this post.

My queen, is there something that you really want, but won't admit because you've been told that it's somehow wrong to want that? Like, I'll be honest here. I really want a Yacht, and to have millions of fans (I almost changed that to touch millions of lives because that sounded "better"), and be interviewed on TV. I want to be able to buy whatever I want and live in a mansion. But, I rarely admit this because I worry that people will call me superficial, materialistic, vain. Don't get me wrong, I want other things that people would say are good like stability, adopting, helping others, donating to charity, empowering people, but I want to talk about the dreams that we are taught to be ashamed of.

We're not about shaming ourselves or others on here, so I want to give you some of my strategies as I work to overcome this fear of judgement.

1. Fear does not like to be named, so write down why you're afraid of being labeled with these things and work through some of that by asking yourself questions. For example, I'm scared that others think I'm superficial. Why? Because I don't want to be seen as one-sided and I don't want it to overshadow the other parts of me. I also have an innate fear of being publicly shamed. Where does this fear come from? What would you do if this fear was realized? What would you say if someone else was expressing this fear to you? And so on. 
2. Write down all of the ways that the things that you want can do good for you, your life, your family, your friends, the world. Like a mansion would enable me to house my entire family, send my nieces and nephew to the best schools and throw amazing parties that will help take other people's minds off of any shit they may be dealing with. Plus it will help me feel like I'm always on vacation. 
3. Give yourself time to dismantle these limiting beliefs and be gentle with yourself as you silence the voices that have been ingrained within you. Remember, if it wasn't something you could have, you wouldn't want it. 

I hope that this little ramble helped you a bit! As always, thank you for reading, and I will see you in my next post!

Honesty: Alignment for Self Improvement

Hello Loves,

So, I was walking back to work from lunch reading some article about facing your fears when it hit me. I have been feeling so in line with my best self, my goals and the universe that I failed to realize that I was completely neglecting one area of growth.

The mind is a powerful thing, so I am positive that it was no accident that I overlooked the one area of growth that I am most uncomfortable with. In my mind I am an extrovert. In this current reality, I consider myself an ambivert. My highest self makes new friends with ease, doesn't doubt her abilities, and is fully confident in herself. Yet, I wasn't taking any steps to become more extroverted.

I've mentioned this an a previous blog post, but one of the most incredible parts of being alive and a human is that you decide who you are and you can change that whenever. So, when I realized that I wasn't making an effort to get to know new people and expand my friend circle, I took immediate action.

I stepped into vulnerability and acknowledged that when it come to in-person connections, I was feeling lonely. Then I asked to be guided to the right people and put myself out there. As a side note, my fellow queen, making friends as an adult is not the easiest thing. I used Bumble BFF and Hey Vina to make some new girl friends.

Anyway, the point is not that I am making new friends. The point is that I am moving towards progress and change. There is no shame in wanting to better yourself and grow. I ask myself quite often if I am showing up as my best self would. While the answer isn't always yes, I am always working towards alignment with my best self. Even if that means acknowledging embarrassing/awkward/painful things.

Until next time my queens!

Blind Faith: Having Unbreakable Confidence in the Face of Uncertainty

Hi Darlings,

I feel crazy, and I understand that this word has a lot of negative connotations and association with misrepresented mental illness, but I don't know how else to describe it. That's why I am writing this post. I feel so aligned with my goals, my highest self and my future life that I feel like I'm tripping. I really believe that I will own a real estate empire, have my own clothing store, own a private island and chill on a yacht with my BFF's. I don't just believe it, I know it.

Now, let me tell you a bit about my current life, I can't even afford health insurance. Any bill that's not rent, food, electric or transportation takes a back seat, and I am temporarily employed. And you know what? My life is great. I have air, a beautiful home, amazing bosses, the ability to eat whatever I want, access to a gym, friends, a computer, the internet, I can walk, I have all of my senses, I'm highly educated, I know how to drive, I have supportive family, I get to sleep in a comfortable bed etc... You can see that I have a lot to be grateful for, and I always am. Yesterday, I said genuine thanks because I could afford a bag of hot Cheetos and a cocktail. Talk about a major mindset shift from where I started.

Which does not bring me to my point, so I will get to it. It's okay if you feel a little crazy. I mean, in my head I run one of the most successful real estate empires in the world and chill on a yacht, so it makes sense to wonder if I am losing it. I visualize my life and get so freaking happy that I get a little scared (remember, full honesty here).

My queen, congratulate yourself if you can see your future so clearly that start to feel like you are losing it. You are not delusional and hopefully, not on drugs. You just know what you want and know that it is going to happen. On the path to your empire, you are going to wonder if you've lost the plot, especially as you allow yourself to dream bigger and begin to see amazing things fall into place.

For my queen who isn't there yet, continue to follow your passion and intuition. Your path is your own and you will get to where you are meant to be. For now, play pretend and imagine what your life could be like if anything was possible (this was how I started).

As always, I hope that you found this helpful. Until next time my loves!

Developing Intrinsic Motivation: Podcasts to Listen to and Books to Read

Hello Loves,

I am back (although I never left). So, I was reflecting back on all of the dreams I have had in my life. What did I imagine my career would be when I was little? I went from fashion designer, owning a mall, owning a chain of youth centers, or being an interior designer. What I noticed is that I never dreamed of working for someone else; I have always imagined being an entrepreneur.

Of course, as time went on, I got a "reality check" or so I thought. I started to aspire towards more "realistic" jobs and goals because I bought into everyone else's view of reality. Until I would read or listen to something inspiring, be pumped to move towards my goals for a few months and then go back to my "realistic goals." Sound familiar?

If you too have gone trough cycles where you ride the self-help high for a short while before returning to the mundane, then read on. I am so proud to say that this May marks 7 months since I began my journey and I am no less inspired and motivated.

Allow me to begin with my mindset shift. One major block that I didn't realize I had in all of my other attempts was pride. I thought that if I read something once, I should be able to implement it and get results. I saw having to continue to inspire myself as a sign of weakness. None of that was present this time. I humbled myself and acknowledged that if I stopped going to the gym, I would gain weight and the same is true if I stopped hitting the spiritual gym (I can't remember who said this). So, first and foremost, there is no shame in having to continue to work on yourself and your motivation.

Next let me give you a list of all of the materials I have been taking in to stay motivated. The top portion of the list will be books I have read in 2018 that I found helpful and the bottom portion will be podcasts.

1. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. This book is about Shonda's year of experimenting with pushing herself outside of her comfort zone, but it is also about so much more than that. If you want to learn more about the power of letting go and trusting that amazing things will happen, then read this. 
2. If You Have to Cry, Go Outside by Kelly Cutrone and Meredith Bryan. I wouldn't categorize this book as self-help, although there was a lot of useful information in it. Ultimately, this book is an autobiography, and a pretty funny one at that. What I learned from this is that the path to success isn't straight and you're going to have to overcome some shit to get there. I also learned that your intuition is Queen, so you should listen to that.
3. You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. Yes, I did read this last year. And you know what? I am reading it again this year. It has been a while since I read it, and this is one of the books that changed the game for me. There is no shame in re-reading the book and gaining a new perspective. I'm only half way through, but what I have learned thus far is that you will feel the most blocked before a breakthrough. So, if you're feeling more frustrated or uninspired than you have been in months, you are approaching the end of the tunnel. 
4. Your Soul is a River by Nikkita Gill. This book is a book of poetry. I read it because I felt like I was feeding my mind and ambition with all of the personal development books, but I was feeling blocked in my heart. I read this book, so I could feed my soul. Plus, it offers some beautiful reminders about the divine connection between you and the universe. Now, onward to the podcasts. 
5. Manifestation Babe: This is a really great podcast if you are feeling stuck, uninspired and unconnected to your power. Some of the topics covered include the ways you are self-sabotaging, feeling uncertain or doubtful, and how to connect with the Universe. Discovering this podcast was definitely a game changer. 
6. Optimal Living Daily: This podcast consists of fun, quick articles about all of the ways you can boost your performance, your motivation, your happiness etc...
7. How I Built This: This is the podcast to listen to if you need concrete steps or more people that you are inspired by. You can hear directly from the founders and CEO's of major companies like Ben and Jerry, Starbucks, Lara bars, Clif bars, Wayfair, Panera Bread, Warby Parker etc. What I've learned so far? Nobody knew what the fuck they were doing, and that is incredibly reassuring. 

I've also found pinterest to be incredibly helpful when I need an inspirational quote or affirmation. In addition, following people I admire on social media also keeps me going because it reminds me what I'm working towards. And that wraps up this blog post my queens! As always, I hope that you enjoyed this post and I will see you in my next one. And since I always insert an inspirational quote, I will insert one of my favorite affirmations instead. 

Affirmation from: Vibrant Yogini

1 Tip to Master Your Mind

Hello My Loves,

One of the most powerful, eye-opening things that I ever read was that you can reap false benefits from staying in victim mode. For example, my false benefits were

1. Not having to try very hard
2. Getting lots of attention and sympathy
3. People taking care of me
4. Feeling sorry for myself so that I wouldn't have to do anything. 

Once I realized that these things weren't real benefits and what I was working towards was so much sweeter, I snapped out of victim mode. Of course, we are people and there are bad days. There are days when everything just seems to suck and all you want to do is cry. There are days when everything seems to be going wrong and you're about to check yourself into the hospital because you are sure you are going to have a heart attack. 

Photo by Brad Halcrow on Unsplash

A major part of success is mastering your mindset. So, my one tip for you is whenever something terrible is happening or you just feel like nothing is going right, is sit and ask yourself what is the universe trying to teach me? Don't think of bad events as a horrible punishment or as the world trying to put you down. Remember that you live in an abundant and kind universe that wants to see you succeed. 

Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Regardless of what has happened in my life, or how miserable I feel, asking myself what is the universe trying to teach me has always snapped me into alignment. So, I pass this knowledge on to you. I encourage you to challenge your beliefs, dismantle your false benefits and remember that divine punishment does not exist. Stop torturing yourself by staying in a victim mindset. Even if you are the victim. 

Photo by Anders Jildén on Unsplash

Feeling Unmotivated

Hello Loves!

I hope that you are all having fabulous weeks wherever you are. As you know (because I always talk about it), I am working on a lot of things at once. I love them all, and with each passing day feel like I am closer to my destiny. Now, something new has been added to the mix. I am back to applying to jobs. Except this time, I am armed, confident and accepting of my role in this process (goodbye control freak). However, this new addition does kind of make me feel like a juggler. One more bowling pin in the mix.

or pumpkin in this case

With this addition comes acceptance of the things that I have let slip. In terms of my jobs, my household and my side hustles, I am killing it. I am so happy to be able to say that with confidence and acknowledge the areas where I am awesome (I encourage you to do the same). But, like many others, I have let my health slip. As time becomes more and more precious, it becomes easier to say that the gym isn't a priority, or that I can survive on less sleep, or that eating out every day is okay.

This all came to a screeching halt for me when I realized that I felt fat (I look it too, but I was more disheartened by the feeling). I absolutely hate that I gained so much weight, but I struggle to do anything about it. I played to my own insecurities and kept saying that I was just lazy, when the truth was, I'm unmotivated in this realm of my life.

Since 2018 is the year of it is what it is, and I've learned the value of patience. I am just going to accept that this is what has happened and that I am not motivated in this realm of my life. Like all things, my motivation for my health and fitness comes in cycles. I have tried to force it, but ultimately that just makes me unhappy. I don't want to associate unhappiness with health. So, until then, I will focus on doing and eating the things that make me feel good. I will appreciate my body for all of the amazing things that it does, and stop bashing it for the way that it looks in this moment.

Until next time my queen.

Time Management Strategies for the Young Entrepreneur

My Queen,

I warn you now that this is a long post, but I think there's some valuable information in here.

My greatest flaw is that I hold myself to really high standards and refuse to allow myself to fail. I am my own helicopter parent pushing myself to the breaking point.

And that is why I am writing this blog. Since you are reading this blog and are an empire building queen, I'm going to say that you are incredibly ambitious. You have big dreams, and an action plan. Lowering your standards? I don't know her.

As such, I don't need to explain to you the pressure that comes with trying to build your empire in huge chunks. I am trying my best to split my time evenly between the four building blocks of my empire: Me, my audience (all social media), my blog, my products. I got tired just writing that.

You may also be doing something similar, so I want to bring to you a lesson I have learned from burn-out. You can't focus on everything at one time.

I can't spend 20 hours building my instagram, 20 hours on my YouTube, 20 hours on professional development, 20 hours writing posts, 20 hours on market research, 20 hours in marketing and 20 hours in product development. That's 140 hours and there are only 168 hours in a week. If I tried to do that, that would only leave me with four hours of sleep a night and your girl works full-time, so you see the problem. You also see my love of my numbers.

As many ambitions as I have, I am going to reaffirm that something needed to give. I'm going to give you the steps I took to figure out what needs to get cut and how to do so without feeling unproductive. Please note that I am referring to the things you are doing to build your empire, and not necessarily to the things you are required to do for now.

1. What is taking up your time and not yielding results? If you are spending hours of your time working on this and you are not getting any results, you have to ask yourself if it's worth it. I'm not suggesting that you give up at the first sign of difficulty. Building your empire will mean challenges and stress and sometimes minimal results. What I am saying is if you are putting a lot of time into it and getting minimal results, then it's time to ask yourself the next two questions. 
2. Is that thing going to be a huge part of your empire? Honestly, I was working on something and it felt like I was hitting my head against the wall. No matter how much effort I put in, for every step forward that I took, it felt like I took ten steps back. Finally, I had to figure out if this was a huge part of my empire or just a moving piece. Were my overachieving tendencies leading me to force this to work because I refused to fail? The answer was yes, so I acknowledged that this was something that did not deserve that much of my attention. It was too small a piece of my empire to warrant that much of my attention and energy. 
3. Does it cause you anxiety, stress, sadness, frustration or displeasure? This is an important one because, as you know, I firmly believe in the energy you put in is the energy you will get out. If I'm doing something and I don't feel love when doing it, then it's time to stop. Aspects of building your empire will no doubt be extremely unenjoyable, but you shouldn't hate it. If all you can feel is hatred and frustration towards it, then it's time to let it go. 

So, if your answers are there are minimal results for your effort, it's not a huge part of your empire and you don't enjoy it, it's time to cut back on it. Your time is extremely precious, and I know first-hand that trying to make something work will only lead you to a faster burn out. 

Of course, there is an exception this rule. You are a critical part of your empire, so it makes sense that you work on yourself and try to be the best queen that you can be. However, you can fall into the trap of putting off doing things so that you can be the best. I spent months (even years) working on improving myself so that I could be better. The thing is, that I enjoyed doing it, I always got results and it was a main aspect of my empire. But, we are not striving for perfection here, we are striving for progress. Sometimes you just have to do it and learn as you go. Don't be the personal development procrastinator. That is what I call a fun waste of time, not because it isn't valuable but because I subconsciously did it so I wouldn't have to actually build my empire. 

I hope that you enjoyed this post and that you found it helpful. I truly adore each and every one of you. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to comment and I absolutely will respond.

All of my love,

Shar

My Desires or Social Expectations: Hookups

Hello My Queens,

I have been posting very intently on this blog (because I just love you so much), so I want to provide you with a bit of a change of pace. So, let’s play another round of my desires or social expectations: hookups.

My colleague was telling me about a lecture she attended on hook-up culture in college. The lecture was being hosted by a guest lecturer who had been studying this for a few years. There were some very interesting ideas, but something that stuck with me was that on college campuses 70 percent of people don’t even like hookup culture but feel pressured to participate in it. I felt that on a spiritual level.

In typical Libra fashion, I feel caught between two worlds. One part of me doesn’t mind hookup culture. I cringe away from forming any romantic attachments and the slightest whiff that we might be more than friends and I go running in the opposite direction.

Me running away when my Spidey sense tell me you’ve caught feelings.

That is why the part of me that doesn’t mind the hookup culture. I get to still connect with people in a more than friends way, without actually having to make any attachments and maintain my fierce independence.

Although it is way beyond 2015, this is still me. And, I’m not mad about it. That actually sounds like the perfect relationship.Except that I don't need you to be loyal to me. Do you, boo. 

Then there is the other part of me that shies away from the pressure to participate in hookup culture and hates being treated like a sex object. Seriously, why are your first words to me, “want to fuck?” rather than “hello?” Like, I would have slept with you if you weren’t such a pig. But, I digress. I feel like I am missing part of my twenties if I’m not sleeping with someone at some time. I hate feeling like I should be doing this. I feel weird for wanting a deeper connection, but torn because I don’t want the connection to be that deep.

Like, am I supposed to be on sex and the city, or planning my wedding? Do I want to hookup, or have I been told that because I am single, I should be hooking up? I really have no fucking idea, but I do know that I’m not the only one who feels caught between two worlds. 

So, I hope that you know you’re not alone as you work to find yourself and your place in this world, my love. I’m right there figuring it out with you!

Until next time,

A very confused Shar.