Creating Healthy Relationships with your mentors

Hello my Beautiful Queen,

Today I want to talk to you about something that I have recently learned in my own journey. I am a big believer in finding and learning from the people who inspire you. I hold the belief that the universe is always guiding you to where you want to go. And that the universe works through people. If you declare a desire, the universe will guide you to the resource or person that answers your question or brings you closer to your goal. I believe that the universe has also brought you here for a reason. Something I have learned is that it is so important to find the people who inspire you and light the way. But I have also learned that it's okay if you don't agree with your mentor on everything.

Throughout my journey, I have been in two camps about this. A very early version of me who felt that if my mentor held even one stance that I didn't agree with, they were not the mentor for me.

I mean there were times where I would read books and really be vibing with the message. Then the person would something I thought was fucking stupid or toxic and I would stop reading the book and discredit everything else in the book that I loved so much. Talk about having your guard up and using judgment as a defense mechanism. I quickly learned that this way of being only harmed me, so I let that version of myself go very quickly.

Then there was a slightly older version of me who really worked on understanding what it meant to be her best self and looked at everyone else for clues. And that version of me was disconnected from herself and her truth. She felt that if she didn't agree with something her mentor was saying, she was not aware enough. That it was her own fault that she didn't agree and she should work harder to adopt that belief. She so desperately wanted to feel good enough. She wanted to get to the point where the life she knew she was meant to live was her reality. She understood that success leaves clues so she looked for mentors. But she didn't understand how to set boundaries and that it was okay to hold beliefs that differed from the successful people she admired.

Thankfully I have allowed myself to outgrow both of these versions of myself. My truth now is that it is okay if you don't agree with everything your mentor says or believes in. Some of my favorite mentors hold and teach beliefs that I think are absolute bullshit--like obstacles are tests from the universe. The Universe is not testing you. But that never discredits all of the things they do teach that I love and resonate with and am so happy they stand for. I can learn from them and take their advice without becoming them. That is truly the beauty of personal growth.

Just because you don't agree with something someone says, doesn't mean you have absolutely nothing you can learn from them. Likewise, just because someone you love and admire and believes something that you don't, doesn't mean that you are wrong for not holding that belief. You can stand in your truth and they can stand in their truth and still learn from each other. 

This is the balance I have learned in my own personal growth journey. Take what works and leave what doesn't.

I also don't believe in hiding what has worked for me and who my mentors are. I have been in the personal development world for almost a decade, and I am sharing with you the MOST transformative resources I have used in my journey. Grab your copy of the tools for transformation below.

A note for the queen who is still seeking validation

Hello My Queen,

So, I have reached the point in my life where I can view my triggers as blessings. Why? Because my ultimate outcome is to understand myself on as many levels as possible. Triggers, like emotions, are doorways to understanding for me. Like girl, I even had a dream last night that I was in an interview and someone asked what is something you wished you had learned in college? And I said, I wish I had developed a better sense of self. Dream me was getting real deep. Of course, this is a reflection of my desire to reconnect with me and create a me that is entirely my own. But I digress.

I was watching IG stories, and I don't even know what it was, but something triggered me. I think it was an old high school friend attacking someone else and expressing her discontent with the world. And a message came to me. That message was a lesson I learned fairly recently. The need to be right is the root of so much misery and loathing. Now my queen, you know I can only speak to my own experience. Within me, I had to recognize that my need to be right was coming from something so much deeper that had been left unhealed.

I had a worthiness issue. And so I always wanted to be right. Being right was my form of validation. I was so disconnected from myself that some part of me subconsciously sought out more disconnect. Real vulnerability, I thought everyone was stupid but only because I wanted to keep them away. I used judgement as a way to guard my heart because that version of me believed she was alone. I feel like I should say I am ashamed of this. But that would involve judgement of myself and the coping mechanisms I used for survival. I am forgiving myself, so I will say I'm not happy about this, but it was part of my story, so it served it's purpose in who I am now. 

I sought out being right because I wanted to feel good about myself. In my mind, being right meant being good enough. Being smart enough. Being aware enough. The kicker is that I wasn't aware at all because I wasn't aware of myself.

When I truly started my spiritual journey, I took a hard look at my life and what was not serving me. I looked inward and saw that all wanting to be right did for me was make me feel angry and alone.

So I went back. I did the work to correct my worthiness issue. I Identified when I most wanted to be right and how I was feeling in that moment. No surprise that I found pain, fear of vulnerability and a deep feeling of not belonging.

Then I slowly worked to change it. I walked myself through journal prompts designed to begin the process of reconnecting with myself. ALL layers of me.

Now I know within myself that we all live in our own versions of reality influenced by our pasts, our beliefs, our upbringing and our selves.

Releasing the need to be right was one of the many beautiful gifts I gave myself in my journey. Because releasing the need to be right gave me the freedom to just be my self. And to know that being myself is enough. Once I released the desire to be right, I also released the need to be validated.

I must tell you queen, that it was NOT an overnight journey. I started this process in 2017 and only TRULY learned it in the summer of 2019. Healing is cyclical and those stories can exist in so many different layers. I share this with you because I don't want you to read this and think I had this realization, worked through it and never dealt with it again. I don't want you to believe that healing is instantaneous and there is something wrong with you if you don't transform immediately. Healing is a journey. Coming home to yourself is a process. 

Much Love, Always,

Shar

How to Speed Up Your Manifestations: A lesson from my Birthday

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Monday! It was my birthday last week, and I am still cruising the high of what was an amazing day. I went into the day with no expectations other than to enjoy the pleasure of being alive and making it to my 25th birthday. I was just overcome with a sense of peace and remembering 16 year old me who was convinced that she would not live past 18. So, on this day I was just full of gratitude.

My best friend was visiting and I was happy to spend time with her. My boss gave me the day off, so I just took the time to connect into what it feels like to set my own schedule when money is not a concern. I took the day to tap into what the freedom life really feels like for me.

And my queen. The abundance did not stop. There was an abundance of beauty, free gifts from stores, my best friend gifting me a ton, including a nose ring. Lots of happy birthdays and well wishes. Amazing conversations with amazing people just seemingly out of the blue. Gorgeous weather, huge sales and discounts. My love, the abundance just keep flowing. It felt like every 10 minutes there was a new gift or sign from the universe.

I just allowed myself to enjoy it. I don't know, I was just at peace. I feel like so many of us (including me) are trained to wait for the other shoe to drop. We believe that when good things happen to us, something bad will happen to ruin that. And I just decided to let this belief go. It doesn't serve me and rehearsing tragedy only trains my brain to look for it and leads to suffering twice.

But I just had no expectations for the day. Just an innate knowing that it would be a beautiful day and I could just flow into what felt good. There was no resistance.

I am sharing with you because I want to share the lessons I have learned from this day. There does not need to be a delay in manifestation. The universe can work as quickly as you allow it to work. On this day I truly learned that the things I desire can honestly manifest in seconds. They can manifest before I even fully express the desire for it. I learned that manifestations are delayed only by your internal resistance and belief that it should be hard. The belief that manifesting a million dollars, or a thriving business, or a loving audience, or the love of your life is somehow more difficult than manifesting seeing butterflies, or free cleansing solution, or a free meal, or a free facial, or hell even a penny.

And it is not. The universe can bring you whatever you desire as quickly as you allow it to do so. To the Universe, bringing you a million dollars is no different than bringing you a free facial. It is you belief that it is difficult and that you are not worthy that causes the delay. Once you release the resistance, magic can happen faster than you can even process.

Now, releasing resistance can be a beautiful part of your journey. The choice is yours. You can choose to see an obstacle or a test. Or you can choose to see a doorway into better understanding yourself. I will always believe that the first step in transformation is self awareness. To get to this point in my life, I asked myself a lot of questions. And I have put together a PDF of guided journal prompts to help fast track your transformation. It's called align with your best self, and you can grab your free copy below :)

Send me my free copy!