Overachieving will get you nowhere

I am an overachiever. It is true and it's something that has caused me a lot of hassle and pain over the years. I will be honest and say I am scared to post this. This post is such an honest exploration of some of my personal faults/my shadow self. But this blog has always been about my journey and what I have learned along the way, so, here we are. 

I am an overachiever, which I am not proud of. This is firmly rooted in my shadow self and my ego. While I could write an entire post about the expectations put on women to be everything to everyone and to take everything on, I want to ground this in how this has showed up in my life.

I struggled with depression for a huge part of my childhood and teenage years and that (in combination with many other reasons I can now recognize as an adult) led a lot of people to perceive me as lazy. I hate that so much because it is a judgment and it is an untrue and unfair one. Struggling with a mental illness and the challenges of depression were so incredibly difficult for me. The symptoms and realities of what that makes someone's life look like does not make someone lazy. Nor does it ever give you permission to say that to someone. But because I was a child, I took that label of lazy and absorbed it into my identity. I made it so that within my shadow existed the fear of not doing or being enough.

Nothing I ever did felt like an accomplishment or something I worked for. I would constantly say I was lazy without acknowledging how much I did and took on in my life. I often had my hands on multiple projects, had strong goals that I was constantly working for, and tried new things all the time. From this blog to a podcast, to my degrees, to the business I started, to my YouTube channels, my job, my health and wellness, my hobbies, etc...

It didn't matter what I was doing or how much I was doing. I just always felt like I was lazy. That despite how much I worked on my passions, it just wasn't a big deal. Throughout my life, so many people have pointed out to me just how much I do and were absolutely incredulous at the idea that I could believe that I was a lazy person. 

I recognize now that I am not, nor have I ever been lazy--to be clear there is nothing wrong with rest. In fact, rest is of critical importance, and choosing to rest never makes someone lazy. I recognize and accept now that other people's projections have absolutely NOTHING to do with me or my identity. Hell, it doesn't have to be my business, even if they try to make it my business. And while I could write a whole other post on identity, self-worth, and other people's perceptions, that's not what this post is about. 

Because I recently realized that everything I just shared with you is exactly why I am an overachiever. I unintentionally made it a subconscious belief that I had to do the most. And not only did I have to do the most, I had to be the most "high-value" person in the room. I had to be the best and take on all of the projects so that I could prove to myself and others that I deserved to be here. And by here I literally mean on this earth.

I know that is such a ridiculous thought because no one has to earn their right to exist, but again I am being vulnerable here and sharing what was really going on in my shadow. I felt like I had to earn my right to exist via the volume and quality of work I put out. 

So I would take on the 8 million things and volunteer to take on all of the projects. I would notice inefficiencies and make it my business to fix them. And my love, all this got me was a whole lot of fucking burnout. I am talking about burnout so severe that I completely lost myself and was a shell of a person curled up on the ground. 

And so I write this post to remind myself that I do not have to do the most. And I do not need to be the person who takes on everything. Just because there is a better way to do something, does not mean that I need to be the one to fix it, nor do I always need to be the one who cares.

It is okay to have high standards for yourself if this is something that feels good for you. But if the high standards you have for yourself are causing you to feel small, restricted, or overwhelmed, it's time to reevaluate. And if this desire to take on everything and do everything is coming from the need to prove yourself (exactly as it shows up for me), it's time to look inward. I can only say I am so fucking tired of living in the cycle of overachieving, burnout, recovery, overachieving. It's time to create a new pattern.

Your Future Self is NOT Perfect. Stop believing that they are

The version of you who has everything you want is a normal person. I know that sounds like such a simple thing to say, but it's true. It is so easy to idealize the versions of ourselves who have everything we desire. The version of us with the house, the money, the soulmate, the amazing friend group, the dream career, etc. To idolize them to the point where they become an impossible vision and subconsciously, we start to believe that we will never be that person. 

Of course, this is to our detriment. If it is the future version of ourselves who has everything we want (spoiler alert, it is not, but that is a topic for a different post), but this version of ourselves feels impossible to reach, then our goals also start to feel impossible. It is easy for us to believe that the future version of ourselves must always be perfect and in one hundred percent alignment. After all, they must be doing something different to us to have everything they desire.

At the root of this, is the belief that you must not currently be energetically aligned with your desires. Because if you were, wouldn't you already have everything you want? And the truth is, no my love. Just because you don't yet currently have what you desire, does not mean that it is not on its way to you. It does not mean that you need to change yourself and struggle to raise your vibration (more on vibration later). When things in your life aren't manifesting, despite all of the work you are doing, the easiest but most painful thing we do is believe that it must be our fault. 

Maybe you hired coaches and took courses and journaled every day and tapped and tried to clear your energy and scripted and envisioned the life you desire and desperately tried to release attachment. You did everything you were supposed to do, but it didn't work for you. When your desires are not manifesting in your life, despite all of the work you are doing, it is so easy to believe that the problem must be you. And if you're feeling very low about this, it can be easy to think well, the Universe must not love me. Or to think that you're being punished or that your energy is blocking your vision. 

In my experience, two paths appear before you when you have reached this point: turn back and say never mind, OR keep going but decide that you just need to become the version of yourself who already has everything you desire. After all, aren't you supposed to embody the version of yourself who has already manifested your dreams? In this state, it is easy to idolize your future self. To think that they are perfect, live the perfect life, and are an energetic match to everything they want all the time. 

Allow me to help take your future self off a pedestal here, because you are never going to embody a version of yourself that does not exist. Let me clarify. It is IMPOSSIBLE that the future version of yourself is always happy, never has a bad day, and lives in a constant state of euphoria. Your future self may very well be happy, but they are NOT happy all of the time. They have bad days, bad experiences, and things they learn and grow from. They have goals they are still working towards, things they are still learning about themselves, etc. Not every day is a magical, rainbow adventure of a day. Some days are boring as heck to your future self. Sure, they have everything this current version of you desires. But it is the human experience to feel the full spectrum of emotions, to learn from life, to have ups and downs, and to strive for more (hello law of expansion). The version of yourself who has everything you desire has not transcended humanity. 

The point is, that version of yourself is still you and is still human. They know how to deal with bad days. They also have things they are in the process of manifesting. They have practices they come back to when their vibration is "low." They don't turn away from difficult feelings.

So, when you are practicing embodying the version of yourself who already has what you desire, remember it is not about being perfect. You do not embody the version of yourself who has it all by ignoring your down days, turning a blind eye to your issues, and trying to suppress your emotions into "high vibe only." You embody the future version of yourself by learning to love and care for yourself now. By learning certainty now and by having faith that this version of you exists and you are already them.

Take your future self off the pedestal and realize that you are much closer to them than you think you are.