Changing your life and mindset when you cannot afford to invest

Hello Queen,

It's been a while because I have been so in love with talking to my queens on Instagram and Facebook. But I am back with an elaboration on a post I wrote earlier. Today we are going to dive into one of my triggers and how you can still transform when you do not have the funds to invest.

One of my triggers is when people say things like, how can you expect to transform when you’re not willing to pay?

And girl, I fucking flew off the handle when I read this. But again, I believe that triggers are blessings and this one reminded me that I need to heal around money and I needed to stand stronger in my message about transformation. 

This is bullshit. You absolutely can transform without paying anything. Now, wait, before you pull out your pitchforks, I want to explain. There was a time in my life where I could not even afford to eat, yet I wanted to transform so badly. And there were amazing people out there who put out free content that changed my entire life. The podcasts, the blog posts, the IG stories, the lives, the challenges and journaling prompts. I would even go to Barnes and Nobles to read the books that I wanted to read in the store because I couldn’t afford to buy them and my library didn’t have them (and if they did, there was a long list of people in front of me waiting to read the book). 

All of it helped me transform when I literally did not have money. These people were committed to helping their clients at every level and I felt that. So, when I did transform and my income increased as a result, guess what? I went and I bought their products because I was obsessed with them and there was still transformation that needed to happen. Because they helped me transform, I knew that I could trust them to help me again. And I was more than willing to pay for their products and services. 

Now, the free content will help you create those first transformations that you desire. You absolutely can create transformation from free content. It’s a matter of who committed you are to transforming. Lean into them and learn as much as you can. Do the work. 

But you won’t make it all the way to where you want to go without investing in yourself. Now that, I know. That high level transformation content you are looking for will cost money. And you are worth the investment. When you invest in your transformation, you let the universe and your subconscious mind know that you are fucking serious. And that decision is everything. 

Transformation can happen at every level. Don’t discredit the free, but don’t dismiss the high value product. I believe I should be able to help my queen at every level. As such, I created the QLQ email community for the woman who knows that she is meant for more and is determined to change her life. This is completely free because I believe transformation can happen at every level. Sign up here.

How to Practice Forgiveness

Hello My Beautiful Queens,

Today I want to talk about forgiveness and healing. More specifically how I practice this in my own life and how I work through something I still hold tense feelings for.

At the end of the day, I had to choose which pain I would accept. The pain of holding on to old wounds, or the pain of healing? I chose the latter. But, forgiveness can be a complicated thing. Especially if the person you are forgiving has caused you deep pain or violated your basic human rights. What I want to say to you is that forgiveness is not about the other person. It’s about letting go of anger and resentment within yourself so that you can create space for abundance. 

You are a woman on a mission to live your best life and part of that is walking forward with a clear head and a clear heart. And yes, part of that does mean forgiveness and healing old wounds. And honestly, our subconscious mind can also hold so much pain and resentment towards ourselves. In your forgiveness practice, don’t forget to forgive yourself. My most recent QLQ IG post and this QLQ blog post goes more in depth with my story and why I think this is so important. But for now, I want to share with you how I forgive even my most painful experiences. I must disclose that I believe healing is cyclical. Forgiving something or someone or yourself once does not mean that it’s the end of it. Sometimes it is, but I often find that the pain of healing comes up again. It’s the same story and the same pain, but disguised as something else. 

In those moments I like to practice patience. I sit with my emotions and call conference with whatever comes up. Sometimes that means imagining that I am sitting in a room with the physical manifestation of that emotion and just holding its hand as it grieves or releases itself. Self-compassion is a critical component of self-transformation. 

When it comes to healing and forgiveness there are 4 questions I ask myself:

What are the emotions or memories that cause me the most pain or create the strongest emotional response? List them out

Who is involved and how did I feel in that moment?

What do I believe this experience says about me? What is the story here?

How did the experience shape who I am today?

What is one lesson learned from this experience that I can be grateful for?

Is this lesson aligned with how I am working to become?

Then I end with a Hoʻoponopono, a Hawaiian forgiveness prayer/practice which simply goes: I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Walk that moment through each of these and repeat the mantra to yourself. There are also many playlists on Spotify that will help you do this whilst also entering a meditative state. This can be useful for allowing the release to enter the subconscious mind. 

An example in my own life was being a child who didn’t know how to deal with trauma caused by sexual abuse. I remember being sent into bootcamp at the age of like 8-10 (a police disciplinary program). I held resentment and anger in my heart because I felt like no one even bothered to try and ask what was wrong and just assumed that I was acting out. In that moment, I wrote a story that said people don’t care about you and will always prioritize their own interests over your well being. 

Does this align with the woman I want to be? No. The new story: standing strong in my story and being vulnerable with my experience is a channel for connection. When I am willing to be vulnerable, I create space for other women to feel seen and heard and be comfortable sharing their own stories. 

I’m sorry for the pain that I experienced in that moment and for not being able to better express myself. 

Please forgive me for the pain I allowed to exist for so long in my heart. 

Thank you for all those involved for helping me in the only way you knew how. Thank you for helping me become an advocate for vulnerability, understanding and self-awareness. 

I love you for being a part of my story. 

And honestly, this was only the first round. I walked this experience through this exercise several times and each time I go deeper into healing. Your first few rounds may feel shallow, but as you go through the cycle of your healing, you are able to enter a deeper level of awareness and stronger connection to yourself. Allow yourself to heal through these stories as you feel ready.

I’m not going to lie to you. Depending on the scale and level of trauma you experienced from that event, this practice can be very difficult and painful. You know yourself best and if you are working through something very traumatic, please work through this with a mental health professional. I worked with a Therapist for 10+ years before I was ever able to walk myself through this practice with my most painful experience. 

Treat yourself with kindness and patience. Doing the work can take time and healing isn’t always beautiful.

Why believing that you must always be positive is a form of self-sabotage

Hello Queen,

Happy Sunday to you all! Let's talk about a high vibration and its link to self-sabotaging behavior. Now, I am not new to the concept of manifestation. In fact, when I first learned about manifesting, I made a huge mistake that most people make. I believed that if I wanted to manifest something, I needed to be happy all the time. Subsequently, when I could not force myself to feel only happiness, I turned away from it. Now that I know a lot more about the subconscious mind and the ego, I understand why I made this mistake. I was self-sabotaging.

Well, one I didn't understand that keeping your vibration high didn't mean being happy all the time. Two, I didn't get that me refusing to acknowledge my emotions didn't mean that they still weren't bubbling under the surface (and manifesting without my awareness). And most importantly, I didn't get that EVERYTHING in my life was a manifestation. I was always manifesting. The choice was not whether or not to manifest, it was to manifest with intention or let my limiting beliefs manifest for me. Obviously, I chose to be the conscious creator of my reality.

So, let's talk about why holding the belief that if you want to manifest, you can only feel happiness is a form of self-sabotage. It's really simple. Because you know it's impossible! It's impossible to only feel happiness, so when you believe that you must be happy all the time to manifest, you are setting an impossible and unnecessary condition on your manifestation. And when you fail to be happy all of the time and the manifestation doesn't happen, you believe that manifestation isn't real or it doesn't work for you.

In fact, you manifested the very thing that you subconsciously wanted; the "proof" that manifestation doesn't work. When you believe that you must be happy all of the time, you also believe that the universe withholds gifts from you until you "prove" that you've met some arbitrary condition--one that you have set. You believe that the universe is waiting for you to feel even an ounce of "negative" emotion, so it can take your manifestation away. In other words, you don't really believe that it will happen for you, which is why you allowed your subconscious mind to set the impossible condition of being happy all the time.

Now, I want to clarify what being high vibe really means. For me, being high vibe means being aware of yourself. It means being aware of and willing to learn from your emotions, working to understand yourself and being grateful for what you have. It's not about suffocating all emotions but happiness, it's about being aware of how you feel on all levels and having unstoppable faith that what you want is meant for you. And to quote both James Wedmore and Manifestation Babe, believing that your success is inevitable. Yes, positivity is part of that, but it doesn't need to be ALL the time. 51 % will do.

So, now that you know that manifestation is not about forcing yourself to feel only happiness, you don't have to panic when your vibration drops. Honor your seasons and your emotions. The universe is not waiting to take your manifestations away.

What is one thing you are manifesting? For me, it's growing my email list so I can help even more woman on a more intimate level. The link to sign up is below ;) You'll also get your free copy of the QLQ align with your best self workbook. A tool that will help you reach self-awareness so you can consciously create your reality.

Align with your best self.

Much love, Always

How Being Burned By My Intuition was my greatest blessing

Hello Queen,

Learning to trust your intuition is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Why? Because your intuition is a direct connection to your higher self and to source. When you release your desires into the universe, the universe receives it and then channels inspired action via your intuition. Once you follow that action, the very thing you are manifesting will begin to appear in your reality. But if you don't listen to your intuition, you don't receive the instructions and you spend your time wondering why the universe doesn't listen to you.

I am so grateful that I have learned this lesson. But in conversation with some other highly ambitious women, the topic of intuition came up and the response was I can't trust my intuition because I have been burned by it too many times. If you have ever said that, I am here to disrupt that idea.

First, it's important to note that many people confuse the voice of their intuition with the voice of fear and the ego. This is understandable as it is not uncommon for ego to disguise itself as your intuition, especially if it feels that you are in danger and are not likely to listen. In order to understand the difference, you must understand the motives that drive these aspects of yourself and you have to be able to distinguish between their voices. This is something that you do by examining yourself and committing to expanding your self-awareness.

But that's a topic for another post. I don't believe that you can ever be burned by your intuition. You can be lead down a path that you perceive as undesirable by your intuition, but you can't be burned by it. There are two things that are at play when you believe that your intuition has burned you. 1 it wasn't actually the voice of your intuition, and you were actually listening to your fear/ego in disguise. 2 your intuition was taking you down the path you needed to be on in order to reach your desired goals and outcomes. And i'm not talking about the surface level here. I am talking about your deepest desires that you no longer even consciously express.

And of course, I am going to share with you a time when I felt like I had been burned by my intuition before I realized what had actually happened.

In the summer of 2017, I was finishing my masters degree and was in the height of writing my masters thesis. My lease was coming to an end and I had the option to either renew my lease for another year, or to let it expire and find some other place to live. I didn't have a job lined up for after graduation and my rent was quite high. In typical libra fashion, I weighed the decision for like 2 or 3 weeks and really thought about what the right step was. I listened to my intuition which said to renew the lease and have faith that I would find a job. And so I did and was locked into a lease for another year.

For those of you who have been around for a while, you'll know how that ended. I did not find a job for several months, maxed out all of my credit cards paying my rent and could not afford my rent (or any other bill) for the entire year. Credit score fucked, accounts constantly threatened with collections, no health insurance, and afraid to come home to an eviction notice. And all of this came because I followed my intuitive nudge to renew the lease. Again, or so I thought.

There were a lot of other past decisions that lead to that point in my life. Yes, that time in my life sucked, but it also forced me to confront my greatest fears, find validation within myself, redefine what my values are and reconnect with my honest calling to be an entrepreneur.

Photo by Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash

The intuitive decision that I made led to some pretty shit situations. But it was also the birth place of my spiritual growth, the source of my connection with myself and the universe, and the catalyst in my journey of reconnection.

It was this moment that reminded me of what I really wanted to do and gave me the courage, confidence and faith to pursue my passions with soul. Now it is my absolute honor and joy to help other women reconnect with themselves on every level and become bold co-creators of their realities.

I could have chosen to believe that my intuition burned me. I had plenty of "proof" around me. But I know that my intuition guided me back home and into who I was always meant to be. Without that year of financially struggle and having to rebuild myself, I would have been living life for other people. I would have stifled my gift and selfishly removed the role that I am meant to play in someone else journey. My intuition didn't burn me. It led me to exactly where I am meant to be.

This is how you heal your relationship with your intuition. You forgive the pain that you experienced and make an active decision to find the blessings and lessons the universe gifted you. Once you can connect with that gratitude and those learning moments, you will not be able to deny that your intuition is always guiding you.

Tell me, Queen. What is just one intuitive decision that you are grateful for?

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Catching Up with QLQ

Hello My Beautiful Queens,

Happy Thursday! Your girl is so excited that it's almost the weekend. And I am excited because there are some major projects coming up in the QlQ world! I can't wait to have 48 hours to dive deep into the passion and love that have for this platform (and all of you).

I have been focusing on adding value for the queens that exist on all of the QLQ spaces. I've also been following my heart and posting where I feel most inspired to post. I love all of my blogging babes, but my heart has been called to IG lately. Now, if you are missing me and you want to see more of the transformation I am going through and the information I am sharing, I encourage you to follow me on the QLQ account. Seriously, something magic is going on there.

But this is also a space for me to express myself and connect with you all. So, I want to do a Shar's selfish time. And for those of you new to the blog, Shar's selfish time is when I share my life with you all. It's my updates, what I am working through and the projects that I am working on. Now, if you're looking for transformation, I encourage you to play around on the site and read what calls you because there's plenty of information on there for you, love.

1. I'm stepping up my role in QLQ. I was watching James Wedmore's Business by Design series and realized that the role I am filling in QLQ is unpaid intern. Now, I am the CEO of QLQ, not the intern so I need to stop spending time doing the tasks that don't create the impact I want for you all. Time to boss up. I'm still learning what it means to be a CEO and act like one. But I am open to possibilities and growth.

2. I've been doing some real serious work around being seen by the people that I admire. One of my biggest limiting beliefs is that I am bothering someone or I look desperate for attention if I let someone know that I love their work, or I tag them in the posts I am sharing about them. This has to do with a fear of vulnerability. And well the truth is that I would love for my audience to engage with me. If I put something out there and it had a huge impact on your life, or you just liked it, I would love for you to send me a DM or tag me in your posts. So why would me doing the same bother my mentors? I need to work through my fear of being disliked and that's a journey I am making some serious progress on.

3. I'm starting a podcast. I absolutely love writing, but I also love expanding my comfort zone. If one of my biggest fears is the fear of being seen, then I am going to challenge myself to be seen. Plus, sometimes I just have a stream of thoughts that would be so much easier to speak than to write.

4. Finally, I am loving showing up on IG, but really fighting that need to be validated. Something that comes up for me is anger and frustration that my content is not being seen by more people. I hate that feeling, but it is a reminder to me that the only reason I care is because the little girl inside of me wants to be popular. I am growing an audience of people that I love and am meant to help. I don't believe you need huge numbers to grow a business, so I'm just following my flow of inspiration. I talk all about validation and chasing clout in the latest email in the QLQ email community. It's always free to join .

And that's a bit it. Your girl is diving deep into business and personal growth. What's going on with you? Is there anything you are growing through?

Much love, Always,

Shar