Be Motivated, Not Inspired

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

We all know the rush of reading a super inspirational book or watching an amazing TED talk. That rush of wow, what if I really can do this? These people don't have anything that I don't have and if they're telling me that this is the way, then what harm comes from believing it?

The feeling of being limitless and inspired and so motivated to do everything that you've always wanted to do. The powerful belief that you can truly create anything that you desire. So you go all in, and then what happens?

Your same limiting beliefs and circumstances come back up. You get bogged down in your reality and fall back into the same pattern of thinking that says this isn't going to happen for me. Some people stay stuck here, some people turn back, some people become resentful and some people chase the inspiration.

I was the person who chased the inspiration. I was at rock bottom, and I said never again. If I had to chase inspiration to make the changes I wanted to see in my life, then I was going to do that. If being successful and believing in myself meant that I had to fake it until I make it, I was going to do it. If I had to read an inspirational book every day and tune out everything that wasn't high vibe and positive to get into alignment, then that's what I was going to do.

My love, inspiration comes in waves. You can't rely on inspiration alone to get you where you want to go. You also have to be able to find that within yourself. You're not always going to feel good. You're not always going to be inspired. You're not always going to be in alignment. That is why it is so important that you cultivate a routine and philosophy that works for you.

You must be so grounded in your why that you do not waiver from where you want to go. Even when you feel uninspired and or feel like it's not going to happen. There is nothing wrong with chasing inspiration. Especially in the beginning.

Do what you need to do to cultivate that belief. Do what you need to do to begin shifting your perspective and cultivating the mindset that you want to have. But once you feel that shift begins to happen, you must start developing your own self-belief. You must start working on learning to trust yourself and learning to trust that you know what steps to take.

Your intuition and your subconscious mind have the power to be your most powerful allies if you choose to make them your allies. Continue to follow the inspiration, but always remember to tune into yourself and make sure you find your own way in everything.

Because it's true. What everything comes down to is your self-belief. It is your why.

Do what you need to do, but don't forget yourself.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Importance of Surrender

Hello Queen,

When we think about surrender, we often think of surrender in manifestation or surrender in difficult circumstances. But I have been working on deepening my connection with myself and the universe. In that process, I have also been working on mastery of my intuition. This has led to many things including the understanding that I need to work on discipline, that I must continue to heal my relationship with masculine energy, and that surrender is a crucial part of life experience.

That brings us to the point of this blog post. Surrender is not something that is reserved for when you find yourself with your back against the wall. It is not something that is only reserved for when you find that you are heavily attached to an outcome in your manifestation process.

Surrender is the process of allowing things to unfold and trusting that the universe is always working in your highest good, even when this is difficult to understand or see. I would not say that I was dealing with anything particularly difficult right now. In fact, I am blessed enough to say that my life is quite peaceful at the moment.

What I do find myself battling is the pressure of time. This immense desire to get it done as quickly as possible because, like many others, I hold the fear that if it doesn't happen now, that it's not going to happen. It's the fear that says time is my enemy when it comes to success and the longer it takes to get there, the more time I have to mess it up or the more time I will have to struggle only for it to never happen.

I am working on the release of a free course all about overcoming the fear of failure so you can step into your next level of success. Part of this has involved allowing any fears related to the fear of failure rise within me so I may once again work through them and teach my process for dissolving them in this completely free course.

In this chapter of my life, that has involved surrender. It has involved a willingness to let this energy move through me. It has involved patience and learning to stay fully present in the current moment. Because the only moment that exists is the present. This has been a profound week for me. Not always full of peace, sometimes it has involved challenges. But as I move through this and learn the art of surrender, I find that my spirituality and sense of worthiness is higher than it has ever been.

There is something quite freeing about knowing that everything will work out as it is meant to and all you have to do is be willing to listen, act, and trust the process. At the end of the day, that is the best we can do.

So I end today's post with a question. How can you incorporate more surrender in your life? In what area of your life do you need to loosen your grip?

Practice surrender, even if only for a day, and observe what comes up for you. Many transformations can come from those moments.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

On the Importance of Positive Expectations and Detachment

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Monday! I hope you all had a beautiful weekend and are preparing for a lovely week ahead. You've heard me talk about the importance of hope before. But something I've never discussed on here (or at least not in-depth) is the importance of positive expectations.

How many of us have been conditioned to believe that high expectations are negative? How many of us are taught to believe that if we are disappointed with the outcome of something it's because our expectations were too high or we were being "unrealistic." Well, I'm fucking sick of this shit. It's patriarchal nonsense. AND like so many of our self-imposed limitations, this belief is born out of the desire to protect ourselves from painful experiences.

But if your expectations are so low, they are on the ground, do you have any belief at all that what you are doing will work? Take a moment and really ask yourself, why are you keeping your expectations so low? 9 times out of 10, it's because we're afraid that if we raise them we will be disappointed. Or that by somehow having high expectations, we will push the manifestation of our desire away. It didn't happen because we wanted it too much.

There's so much that I want to say about this, but I want to make sure that I don't go off on a rant. So, I'm going to boil it down to this. If your expectations are low, some part of you likely does not believe it will work out in your favor. And this part of you is strong enough to lower your expectations and convince you that you shouldn't keep your hopes up. This means that it has a stronger hold on your mind then you would probably like to believe. Don't let your fears create your life for you.

Second, not having high expectations also indicates that you believe you do not have control over how things work out. That the outcome is completely random and it's best not to have high expectations in case the odds are not stacked in your favor. Or some mystical being out there decides to deny your request.
To an extent, yes, you may not have complete control over the outcome. Simply because the outcome may depend on the action of other people. Your job is to focus on the action you take to secure the outcome that you want. While you may not always have complete control over the outcome, you're going to want to attract an ideal outcome.

If your energy is screaming doubt because your expectations are low, then you're probably going to attract low results. If your energy is screaming certainty and faith, you will attract that. If your energy is firmly planted in the belief that the universe is fully supporting you and everything will always work out in your favor, then you're going to show up like you're playing to win. Your energy will be in the certainty and aligned with the vibration of success and therefore you are a lot more likely to ATTRACT SUCCESS.

I'm not going to lie to you. Somethings are not going to work out the way you want them to. You can't avoid disappointment in your life, just like you can't avoid failing. But the way to navigate that is NOT to close off your energy to positive experiences. You want to focus your attention on positive outcomes and possibilities, not fear and doubt. If you're lowering your expectations left, right and center, then you are in the energy of doubt.

So, here's how you really detach. The reason the "failure" hurt so much and led to that disappointment has NOTHING to do with your expectations being too high. It hurt so much because your sense of worthiness was attached to the outcome. If you were successful in getting what you want, then that meant you were worthy and good and on the right path. If you failed, then you feel like shit because now this is confirming every negative thought, fear, and belief you have about yourself.

It's not even about whether or not you failed or succeeded. It's about the meaning you attached to both outcomes and what you think it says about you to "fail."

Keep those expectations high, babe. Expecting beautiful outcomes and things to work out in your favor will only help your vibration. But always pay attention to what you are making the outcome mean. Because that's where the attachment REALLY comes from. Not from your expectations.

PS, if you're still struggling with fear of failure, I am running a completely FREE course all about how to move past this fear so you can attract the high levels of success and confidence you are craving. But this course is only free for the first 100 people, and spaces are filling! After the doors close, this course will never be free again. I want to make sure that you secure your spot so you can create that beautiful life you are craving without the doubt. You can reserve your free spot in this course here.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Overcome the Fear of Failure

What if I try and it doesn’t work?

What if I put a ton of effort in, but it just never comes together?

What if I’m just not meant for this?

Why would anyone choose me?

If I do this, and I fail miserably, does that mean that everyone was right?

We all know this struggle. That feeling of a divine download. A flow of inspiration and the immediate drive to get it done. Whether it be a post we want to write, a course we want to create, a client we want to hire or a job we want to get.

For a moment, we’re flying high. So sure and certain that this will be so much fun and have a huge impact on the world. We know that it’s going to happen and no one is going to convince us otherwise. And then what happens?

We start to doubt ourselves. Suddenly the words won’t come and the inspiration won’t flow because all we can think is, what if this doesn’t work?  We go right from that energy of flow into the energy of resistance. Why? Because we’re terrified to fail.

We question every move we make because now it’s not about having fun. Now we have something to prove. Now we’re faced with the very real possibility that we just put all this work in and it didn’t work out. It’s time to show up, but fear makes us back out or half-ass it.

The fear of failure can stop people at every level. It is one thing to be aware of it, and another entirely to actually be able to get overcome it. It’s frustrating. You know that you are meant for more. You know that you can do it if you put your mind to it, but that damn fear keeps getting in your way.

I got a download earlier this month to create a FREE course for my audience. I wanted it to be high value and high impact. I wanted it to be the course that pushed all of my beautiful queens, on the cusp of huge transformation and even bigger success, into their purpose and their power. And I knew that it had to be something I worked with my audience on.

So, I jumped on my story and I asked all of my beautiful queens: If you could have a coach custom make a course just for you, what would you want it to be about. The overwhelming answer was the fear of failure. Ask and it is given.

I was very happy to have this course be something that was always free. Something that people could enroll in whenever they felt called to. That is until my guides spoke up and said I think the fuck not.

Sharlene, you are helping a past version of yourself. And you know damn well that whenever often means never for the majority of people. This course sure as hell isn’t about you. You need to create that push and that fire for action. 

So, consider this your wakeup call. We’re going to tackle the fear of failure head on so you can truly begin attracting the level of success that you’re craving. We are going to completely dismantle that belief so you can show up in your power, as your authentic self and never have to question, is this meant for me. Because my queen, for you to have the level of success you are looking for in ANY level of your life, you’re going to have to show up like you fucking mean it. And you can’t do that if you’re letting the fear stop you in your tracks.

I have completely removed the financial barrier for this course. This is my contribution to all of the queens out there on the path to transforming their mindsets and their entire lives.

It is free, BUT only for the FIRST 100 people to sign up for that. After that last spot is taken, no one else will be able to enroll and the course will NEVER be free again. This is your opportunity. The very fact that this post showed up in your feed today, just as I opened the sign up for it is your sign. If you’re waiting for the sign to do it, THIS IS IT.

You have the opportunity right now to get this course for free. After this point, I will raise the price to 97 dollars. I’m going to tell you right now that those few free spaces will go quickly. Once you miss it, it’s gone. No exceptions.

So, what the heck are you waiting for? You can secure your spot and sign up for access to the course below. Are you in or are you going to let this pass you by?

Girl, you don't need to tell me twice. I am so IN

Make Hope Your Best Friend

Don't get your hopes up.

Why is that even a saying? Why is this something we are conditioned to do to ourselves? Who said that hoping is a bad thing and why the fuck did we believe them?

But of course, I know why. We hear this story, then we experience disappointment. And we think to ourselves that this probably wouldn't have hurt as much if only we hadn't gotten our hopes up.

You and I both know that's not true. That we would have gotten our hopes up anyway because hope is a beautiful thing. The very experience of hope is what we came to earth to experience. How can you ever call in beautiful experiences and create a beautiful life for yourself if you refuse to allow yourself to hope that things work out?

I am deep in the world of manifestation and let me tell you, queen. One of the worst things you can do for yourself is to kill your hope. Not hoping is not going to protect you. All it is going to do is allow your pessimism to grow, which will skew your perspective and cause you to train your mind to look for negative experiences in your life. You will ALWAYS find what you're looking for.

I'm not normally this blunt in my posts, but it needs to be said. So many of the habits we pick up and the things we train ourselves to do or not to do are born out of a desire to protect ourselves. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain or all of life in general?

You are the ENTIRE Universe. Contrast is going to be part of your experience. I'm sorry, but you can't protect yourself from disappointment, failure and pain. You can't. Because when you do, you're also protecting yourself from massive success, excitement, joy, and love. You're going to have to take the risk and dare to hope.

Hope is one of the highest vibrational states you can be in. While pessimism and negativity is one of the lowest. Note that I said high and low. Not good and bad. All emotional states are valid and are meant to be experienced at some point, but each emotional state is going to bring you a different result depending on how long you are in that state.

Pessimism will put you into a low vibrational state. This is you in your full victim mentality believing that life or some higher being is punishing you for some unknown reason. This is the state where your subconscious mind will find things to feel negative about and will create more negative experiences in your life. Not because you are manifesting them, but because you are looking for them, whether you are aware of it or not. It's generally a terrible feeling to be in for a long time because it's shame turned inward and hatred turned outwards.

Then we have hope. This is the state where you are choosing to believe that things will work out. You may not believe it just yet, but you are willing to hope and have faith. Immediately this feels lighter because it exists higher up in the emotional/vibrational scale. This is the state where you issue the command to your subconscious mind to find things to feel good about. To look for experiences that will lift your mood and to LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO SUCCEED. And because you are looking for it, you will find it.

So, at the end of the day, is hope really a bad thing? No, it is a fucking beautiful thing. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to get really comfortable with the feeling of hope. Because for a lot of people, hope is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. Dare to hope and watch your vibration spiral upwards and your consciousness expands outwards.

Don't let other people's limiting beliefs limit you. You are on two completely different paths.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Worthiness Trap

Photo: Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash

One of the MOST important things I do as a coach is hold space for my own healing. Because when I hold space for a deeper awareness of myself and my own healing, I am also able to hold more space for my clients and their transformation

I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes that feels really intense. Sometimes it feels like the universe body slams you into the ring with all of the things you are working through and you’re left stunned and confused. But I have been doing this work long enough to know that I always come out on the other side back and better than ever. I have faith in my healing process.

Me knocking out my insecurities after the Universe throws me into the ring

So when I was suddenly slammed into the ring with repressed feelings of inadequacy, I knew that my only job was to heal and to understand. To allow this to play out the way it was meant to and walk away with the full knowledge of who I want to be.

I firmly believe that you should always hold space to support yourself, just as you hold space to heal. Because healing ain’t always a walk in the park. Sometimes you’re going to run into things that you’re really going to need help with. Don’t hesitate to find that help when you need it.

My demon was feelings of inadequacy and this was a demon that was being fed by my shadow. I’m finally at a place in my life where I can recognize that everything's falling into place just as it is meant to. Where I can surrender to the process and exist in a state of peace, even when things don’t feel so peaceful.

I truly was getting so much of what I wanted, yet I was suddenly slammed with feeling inadequate. The same old, who am I to do this? I’m not good enough. Nothing I do will work. People don’t like me. I only know how to push people away story. Yeah, getting real personal with you all. But again, when I hold space for my healing, I also hold space for yours.

Here I was with almost everything that I wanted, feeling more certain than ever, and fully connected to the Universe and my guides. So why didn’t I feel good enough? As I was working through one of the courses I signed up for, it hit me. My brain was so used to finding worthiness outside of myself, it was afraid of running out of things to feel worthy about. Because if the accomplishments stopped, would I fall into despair? Would I suddenly realize that I wasn't good enough and nothing would ever make me good enough?

Over the years, I had unknowingly created a list of things I would need to accomplish in order to feel good enough.

Weigh exactly 125 pounds
Be married to my soulmate
Make a million dollars
Own 7 properties
Be completely booked with coaching clients
Sell out all course launches every time
Have 100,000 followers

And the list goes on and on and on. Until I decided to say wait a damn minute. Are you telling me that I have to do ALL of these things before I’m allowed to feel worthy? I don’t fucking think so, let’s try again.

Because if there is anything that I have learned, it’s that worthiness has to come from you. If you tie your sense of worthiness to things outside of yourself, you will chase worthiness for the rest of your life. Is that really how you want to live? Chasing accomplishments in the hope that you will one day feel good enough? Always being a little disappointed in what you do achieve because it didn’t unlock that feeling of I am good enough that you were looking for?

No? Yeah, me neither. I’m challenging you to start finding worthiness within yourself right now. What is one thing that makes you feel worthy? For me, it is my determination and desire to help others.

The biggest mistake you can make is to allow your worthiness to exist outside of you

An Honest Life Update: Managing Anxiety

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Tuesday! I'm feeling called to go back to my roots today and just provide you with a life update. Just an honest post about where I am in my life right now.

Obviously, I am in quarantine right now. While I remain so grateful for all that I do have, I will honestly admit to you all that I am struggling with my mental health. My anxiety has flared up in ways that I haven't experienced in nearly five years. If you are new here, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety when I was 15 years old and it is something that has come up in my life again and again. The interesting thing about generalized anxiety is that you never quite know what you're anxious about. As a healer, I work through my own healing via working through the stories and beliefs that are leading to the reaction. Over these past few weeks that has been difficult because I don't exactly know what is leading to the anxiety. What I do know is that I am committed to supporting myself.  Most days are just me focusing on the best way that I can support myself and

Nights, in particular, are very difficult as I find that is the time when I am most prone to panic attacks. I don't know. Some part of me feels like I'm just complaining, but another part of me just wants to express where I'm at and what I am doing to get to being okay. Because my anxiety is running so high, I find that it is easy for my ego to become quite loud. Over the past few days, in particular, I've noticed that my feelings of inadequacy have skyrocketed.

The story of I don't know enough, I'm not good enough and I need to find something to make me feel good enough have come back up. As has the part of me that seeks out external validation and approval. I have been completely obsessed with the numbers, yet I can know that this is because the part of me that is feeling inadequate wants something "concrete" to hold onto. So in the moments when the anxiety is high and I feel worthless, I have something to say no, that's not true.

Of course, only you can validate yourself. I know that the only thing that will help me overcome this feeling is working through the story that is causing this. It's oddly uncomfortable to write this post right now, as it is just my most honest thoughts. This is usually the kind of thing I would journal about, but I know that my power is storytelling and there is a reason I felt called to share this.

None of this is medical advice. You must support yourself in the ways that are right for you. I want to share with you what I have adapted to just help me connect back into self-love and the love of the Universe.

1. CBD Gummies. This is something I started trying about two weeks ago. While it has been helpful in some ways, I find that it is often not enough to help me come out of the panic. For that reason, I tend to reserve these for the moment when panic is almost too much to deal with.
2. Morning journaling sessions. Every single morning I just write out everything that is on my mind and set an intention for the day ahead. This just helps me tap back into the reminder that I am always the creator of my reality and I do have control over my internal world. 
3. Meditation. Now, this can vary. I have a morning meditation that is guided and designed to help me think of the future that I want and who I want to be. Then at night, I'll just take a few moments to turn inward, stay in the present, and remind myself that it is okay for me to be where I am. 
4. Yin Yoga. This has been one of my personal favorites. Yin is a very relaxing form of yoga that is just about being. Sometimes sitting in stillness is not what I need and Yin yoga allows me to move my body and still be present in my mind
5. More recently, I started taking a look at my diet and recognized on the days where I ate highly processed garbage or dairy, my anxiety felt the most overwhelming. So a commitment to myself that I made is to be vegan for the week and have a fresh-pressed juice every day. It's only day one, so I don't know how that is working, but I am willing to give it a go as a challenge for myself to see what works and what my body and spirit need.  

That's it. That's where I'm at. That's what I'm struggling with and what I am trying to do to support myself. I know this is a very different kind of blog post, but something I am also committing to is taking myself off the pedestal and letting you see it all. Because if there is anything I want you to know, it's that you do not have to be perfect to get what you want.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Developing Authentic Confidence

The Link Between Confidence and Manifestation

Hello, My Beautiful Queen!

Happy Friday! Today marks the official close of enrollment for Transcend. Transcend is a manifestation course about helping you create your reality from a space of love and alignment. If this is something you have been thinking about, I encourage you to enroll as the doors close in just under twelve hours, and the next time I open cart for this course, I will be raising the price!

With that said, today I really want to talk to you about confidence, and my confidence journey.

One of the biggest things I struggled with was confidence.

At first, I had an idea that confidence meant that I didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. So that’s who I became. This was me age 21. In some ways, I guess it worked. Because I didn’t care about what anyone thought or what anyone said about me. I always said what was on my mind and I did what the fuck I wanted to do.

But I was angry and anger is such a draining emotion to live in. I realized that I was dishonoring myself because one of my core values is compassion towards others. And this definition of confidence was not helping me live in alignment with that. So I dropped it.

Yet I didn’t get anything to fill its place. So I slipped back into that state of meekness. I was shy and I refused to say anything to anyone, really. I just wanted to be loved and I regressed into the story that I told myself as a child.

To be loved was to be quiet and to conform to who other people wanted me to be. It meant never expressing my true self and suppressing anything that might upset other people--including my own emotions.

But of course, that was suffocating as well. A life lived for other people is not a life that ever truly belongs to you. So once again I had to redefine and work through this.

Because I knew that the source of a lot of the resistance I had in my life was the belief that other people knew better than I did. That I didn’t know how to support myself and that it wasn’t safe for me to be myself because being myself would cost me, love

My call was to truly develop confidence from a space of alignment. To recognize that being confident didn’t mean that I never felt insecure. That confidence was a journey, and so long as I kept my intention on making it safe to be myself in all spaces, then I was making huge strides in my confidence.

And sure enough, it did. It spilled into other areas of my life. My mind, my self-belief, my writing, the actions I took, how I felt about the actions, and even down to my manifestations. Especially my manifestations.

Because when you manifest from a space of self-worth and joy, let me tell you that the game changes. You remove all the pressure to try to prove yourself or try to convince other people that you are worthy because your life has been blessed by your manifestations. When you remove your sense of worthiness from your manifestations, let me tell you that it becomes a million times easier. And you ultimately give yourself permission to be and feel enough when you stop looking outside of yourself for something that has always been within you.

Confidence is not something you develop. It’s something that you reveal. Because it has always been inside of you, it’s just been buried under everything that tells you that you are not enough and you are not safe to be yourself.

That is why I intentionally created Transcend to be the intersection between manifestation and personal growth and healing. Because most people who are struggling with manifestation do not have an issue with manifestation. It’s not that you don’t have the right strategy or you don’t know enough. It’s that some part of you is creating resistance around your manifestations. It’s that subconsciously you believe that you are not worthy or you don’t know what you are asking for. And in Transcend, I teach you how to develop the confidence you need to claim your rightful title of expert manifestor AND what you need to know to develop your own manifestation practice. Because yes, you can manifest from a place of love and alignment. What you want can come to you and it doesn’t have to feel like a constant struggle.

If this is for you, then I am truly honored to support you in your journey in this capacity. Wishing you all a beautiful weekend ahead

Much Love, Always,

Shar