The 1 thing you need to know to stop self-sabotaging your dream

Hello my Queen!

A wonderful morning to you all. It is currently 6:30 in the morning here and I have been awake for the past hour. Why? I have no freaking idea. My brain was just like okay, that's enough sleep. But anyway, I'm not here to tell you about my recent sleep patterns.

No, I want to tell you something that I have just come to accept. Why am I telling you this? Because it is accepting this fact that is helping me get more comfortable with the decision I made to completely redesign my life.

Success does not mean the absence of problems. 

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I want to be honest with you, Queen and say that my life is wonderful. I'm not saying that to brag, but to remind anyone who is in this transitional space that wanting to change your life does not have to mean that there is something deeply wrong with your current life. You can decide to pursue your dreams just because they are your dreams and you love them. Not necessarily because you are trying to escape pain.

With that being said, the scary part of pursuing your dreams is the fear of the unknown. You've never had this dream and this life that you are trying to create. It's understandable that you are fearful of what it really looks like. I would ask myself, what if I am not seeing all facets of that life?

But beyond that fear, there is also the fear that the dream will not live up to your expectations. What if you get there and you realize that while it's beautiful, it is not all you expected and you are disappointed? How painful would that be?

Trust me, Queen. I have thought these things. I have been in this position where I am on the verge of change and I really questioned what the heck I was doing and why. I have been in the position where I have been both exhilarated and terrified.

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But remember I said there was something I learned that made pursuing my dream feel so much lighter? The reason that you fear this dream may not live up to your expectation is that you are putting it on a pedestal. If you are anything like me, you see your dream life and you see how free and happy and wealthy you are. You are surrounded by love and friends and you get to live life on your terms. You do only what you love and everyday you are grateful for how beautiful life really is and how beautiful you can help make it for others. Life is perfect.

And well, while it is true that you will be surrounded by love and happiness and get to do what you love and that you will be so grateful for how beautiful life is (because that is what you will choose to focus on and so that is what you will find and attract), I want to burst your bubble just a little bit. Maybe just deflate the bubble.

And I don't want to do that because I'm a hater, or I want to slash your ideas about what is possible for you (again, I think anything is possible if you are willing to create and believe in that possibility). I want to deflate your bubble so you can take that dream you have off of that impossibly high pedestal, bring it to size and dilute the fear you have around that dream, so you can actually go for it!

Success does not mean the absence of problems. 

Your dream life is beautiful in so many ways. But you may think that it is perfect and so you are building it up in your mind as the solution to all of your problems and some part of you is skeptical. It is this skeptical part of you that is creating the fear and doubt because it knows that the absence of problems is unrealistic and therefore tries to protect you.

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And because you realize that the absence of problems is unattainable, you subconsciously reject the dream or sabotage the dream because you know internally that it is not what you are building it up to be. And if this dream life really isn't the solution to your problems, then what the heck is the point of working so hard to get it? What's the point of risking it all for this life? (sound familiar?)

Here's the thing. Your dream life is still happy and beautiful. You still are doing the things you love and enjoying the freedom you have built for yourself. And you still have problems. BUT the problems are different. 

You have better problems. Maybe your problems are which charities to donate to, not feeling like you have enough time to do everything you love, which project to work on, or expanding your beautiful team. Maybe it's learning how to find balance in this new life. I don't know what those problems are for you, because your dream is different than my own. 

But just as you have chosen to uplevel your life, your problems will also uplevel with you. And once you can accept that you will have different problems in your dream life and that it won't be perfect, but it will still be beautiful, you can move forward and pursue it with happiness and confidence in your heart. Because you will know that you are not pursuing a fantasy. You are creating a reality. 

And that, my love is what changes the game.

As always, I hope you enjoyed. I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

Much love,

Shar

Understanding Why you have what you don't want

Good Morning, Queen!

Have you ever really wanted something, got it (or at least something that could have been it), only to be like what the fuck is this? Same, girl. 

Before I took this journey to connect with my highest self and learn what is truly possible (anything), I would totally say, I want this and then been horrified with what I got it. 

It was only last year that I was employed full-time, by being employed with two part time jobs. While I completely loved one job, I absolutely did not like the other. I always said I wanted 100,000 dollars, but I had 100,000+ in debt. I was like, yo, Universe, what the fuck is this shit?! That's NOT what I wanted. 

But I learned a few things along the way:

1. The universe isn't malicious and wants to see you rock the fuck out of your life
2. There is no divine punishment. Only things that you need to learn to get closer to your best self and your dream life
3. That thinking that I had that the universe was fucking with me was completely and totally a victim mindset. By blaming the universe, I took away my own power and therefore my own ability to view life positively and to work WITH the universe to create what I really WANT (I'll tell you exactly how I learned to do this)

I also learned that the universe isn't confused when it gives you what you don't want. The Universe is not a trickster trying to turn your wishes and words against you. You're not in Aladdin. There is no one out to punish you, so the reason you have what you don't want has nothing to do with punishment. 

No, this is your polarity. Law of polarity roughly states that you get what you don't want so you can understand what you do want. I'm sure at some point you have asked for clarity in your life. Maybe you just felt like you were lost in a fog, or you were really confused around an area in your life. Last year, it would have been confusion around what kind of job I wanted, what I wanted to be paid on how the fuck I could get it. 

Well, look no further, love. That thing that you have that you really don't want IS your clarity. While we all want the things that brings us joy, sometimes it's the things that bring us misery that get us to that joy. Because those things help you understand what it is that you don't want, so you can get really clear on what you do want. 

So, if like I was, you are stuck feeling like the universe is playing some practical joke on you, because you keep getting these twisted versions of things you said you want, or you have the exact opposite of what you want, I want you to know that these things have a purpose. Life always happens for you! 

At this point, you might be rolling your eyes and thinking yeah, right, Sharlene! How is me struggling to make ends meet and stuck in a shitty job, for me? And I understand. That was me at some point. For a while it was really hard to believe that life was happening for me when I couldn't even afford to go the grocery store most of the time, and I was constantly panicked about getting evicted and sued for not being able to pay rent. But, I learned to understand that those things I didn't want were just helping me know myself and what I want better. 

Through it all I gained clarity that I want to have a good relationship with money, I don't have to be afraid to save, that I cannot stand being micromanaged, that I think competition in the workplace is toxic, that I am so much more supported than I ever thought I was, and that I am NEVER being punished. And because of that (and the work I did to clean up my internal world), I moved away from all of that shit and got to start living the life I dreamed of as a kid. But it's important to note that I did all of this re-framing and work BEFORE I had any evidence that my life would change or that I would get what I want. 

I'm going to share with you the one thing I did to re frame my perception on why I had things I didn't want. It's really simple. Are you ready?

The shitty things were blessings from the Universe because they helped me get super clear on what I did want, what my values were and gain the confidence to pursue my dreams. You can choose to stay in victim mode and see these things as a burden, or you can choose to see them as important stepping stones to your best life. 

The choice is yours, but I know you'll choose the latter :)

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As always, thank you so much for reading. What's something you experienced that sucked, but in hindsight you recognized was in your best interest. 

Much love,

Sharlene 

4 things you need to know about redesigning your life

Hello my Queen,

I have to tell you something.

I don't think it's ever too late for you to decide to live differently. You can absolutely decide that you are ready to start living life on your terms. You can decide that happiness and success look different to you now, and you can take action to shift your reality to match that new definition. There are some things that I think you should know because, Queen, I vowed to be honest with you about my life, and what I've learned. I want to share some of the most powerful lessons I have learned around the decision to redesign my life.

1. You need to get real. I don't mean in terms of what's possible because I freaking hated being told get my head out of the clouds, or that was only possible for the really rich/lucky. I think that anything is possible if you are willing to make it possible. No, what I mean when I say that you need to get real is that you need to confront what it is about your own life that is leaving you unhappy or dissatisfied. You need to acknowledge whether this part of your current life is your dream or someone else's. While you have the ability to create the change you are looking for, it's going to be pretty hard if you refuse to accept that there is something in your life that is making you miserable, and you refuse to really analyze what that thing is. While I love feelings (and the signs you get from your gut/intuition), you can't change what you refuse to acknowledge. For me, what I refused to acknowledge was that the 9-5 lifestyle didn't make me happy. I didn't want to live for the weekends and my evenings, but this was hard for me to accept because I love my job. But I knew having such strict structure in my day to day and selling my time didn't make me happy. I just had to learn to accept it so I could change it.
2. You need to get out of victim mindset. You are the creator of your reality. It took me such a long time to accept this, because I didn't want to believe that the reason my life looked the way it did was because I made it look like that. I wanted to blame someone or something else. I wanted to shift my pain outside of myself because then I could just feel sad, and I didn't have to do anything about it. If it wasn't my fault, then my very delicate sense of self-worth could stay in tact (thankfully I have grown past this).
   
   Yet, I also wanted to live the life of my dreams. I saw people living their dream lives and getting to structure their days however they wanted, but that's not what my life looked like. I refused to believe that there was just something inherently different about those people that made them more worthy of living that life. And I refuse to let you believe that too. One of the most important steps you can take to start your journey is to acknowledge the ways that you have created your current reality. As painful and uncomfortable as this is, you can't step into your role as creator until you acknowledge what you have already created. Only then will you empower yourself to create something different. 
3. You're not always going to feel motivated and inspired. One of the first emotions you will feel when you decide to start living your best life on your terms, is fear. "Oh shit, what the hell am I doing? My life really isn't that bad and really, why am I trying to change it?" The other is this fire in your belly to actually make redesign your life. It's the feeling that comes when you're aligned with your purpose and know that your life is about to change for the better. But, I can't lie to you, Queen. Sometimes that shit is scary. Sometimes you are moving and acting on faith that it will come. Odds are that you didn't think your old reality was so completely shit (otherwise you wouldn't have lived in it for so long). There are going to be times when you feel overwhelmed, lost, confused, like you're crazy, doubtful, etc.. These are just remnants of your old reality and your old thought patterns. This is why it is so important to get clear on your why and to boost your motivation daily! Look for the people, things, podcasts, videos, books etc that inspire you. And stay grounded in your why to keep that fire in your belly lit. 

   

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4. Your dreams exist for a reason. A while back, I wrote a post on why you need to follow your dreams. And I want to expand on that here. The reason you feel called to live that dream life is not because you live in a fantasy land, but because that is the life you are meant to have (if you can let yourself have it). Think about it. Everyone's dream life looks different, and there's a reason you feel so strongly pulled and called to live it. You want this because it is a part of your human life here on earth. It is a part of your journey. But it's not only a part of your journey, it is a part of someone else's. We can all think of something that was a light bulb moment for us. We can think of something that really made a difference in our lives or our outlooks. That something was created by someone else. It was the something they felt called to do. I need you to know that you and what you feel called to produce or do is a part of someone else's story. You are their aha moment, you are their inspiration, you are their turning point. And you are that simply because you chose to listen to your calling and create the life you dreamt about. Remember, you already have everything you need to succeed. You just need to decide that you can have it.

While deciding to redirect your life is scary (especially if you have invested time, energy, money and love in your current reality), it is worth it and it is possible. You don't have to settle for the life you thought you wanted, you can have the life you really want. 

As always, thank you so much for reading, my queens. If you loved this post, can you let me know in the comments? I would love your feedback and insights. 

Until next time, loves. 

-Sharlene

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Do you have to be on social media as an Entrepreneur?

Hello My Queen,

Today I want to talk to you about something that has been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. I write QLQ because I love doing it and because I want to help people who are where I was or who just want to take control of their lives and be who they want to be. It's been over a year since I started Quarter-Life Queen (how crazy is that?!) and I've just started getting serious about building an audience and getting my message out there (after overcoming a limiting belief around what it means to run a business, you can read my best tips for overcoming limiting beliefs here).

The thing is that we live the in the age of social media. This is great on one hand because it's never been easier to start something and get you and your message and your personal brand out into the world. On the other, it's a nightmare for the person who doesn't like social media, but wants to start an online business. Social media has this association that everyone on there trying to grow a following is trying to be "famous" (I have no interest in that at all). And honestly, platforms like Facebook and Instagram make my stomach turn. But every single business coach, podcast, blog, insists that the way to drive traffic and build audience and create an effective funnel is to get your ass on social media? Like girl, I need tips for building audience for the person who doesn't want to be on Instagram!

I just don't like social media at the moment, and because I don't like it, I am extremely reluctant to put QLQ on it.  How many of you feel like Facebook and Instagram can be breeding grounds for negativity? How many of you feel like these platforms are full of loving people, but also full of people who are eager to see you fall? How many of you feel like you're ready to launch your brand, but are terrified of putting it on social media because of how judgemental it all seems? How many feel like you're competing against the entire world and there's a very fickle judge deciding who gets to be seen? How many of you feel like it's just all so temporary?

Yeah, same. And here's the thing. Those are limiting beliefs. They are centered around the fear of being disliked and the fear of being judged by others. They are centered around the fear that someone can take something away from you. These beliefs require a perspective shift from look at all the people who are ready to hate me, to look at all of the people that I can serve. These are my people. They require a deep dive into better understanding what you make it mean when someone says no, or when someone says something nasty about you. They require an acknowledgement that social media seems like a scary world, and the space of my blog is so much more comfortable (even as we express desire for a wider reach and more engagement--I sometimes seriously feel like I am talking to myself even though I know I am not).

And I'm not here to judge, Queen. That is one hundred percent me to the T. And I'm hella reluctant to overcome these limiting beliefs because I am scared of what they mean. And that's okay, love. Sometimes there are things that come up that we are just not ready to confront yet. Just write them down and come back to them when you are ready to work through them and release. Because you have to be ready to let them go. In the meantime, feel free to use affirmations to prime your subconscious mind for the change in beliefs you want.

But, I'm not just going to leave it at social media sucks! You're here because you feel frustration and hesitation around social media, but it feels like everyone is shoving down your throat that the ONLY way to grow your audience is to get on Instagram of Facebook. But I want to tell you about something that is the number one driver of traffic to my blog. Disclaimer: I get paid absolutely nothing to tell you about this, I am not an affiliate and I just genuinely want to tell you about something that works. Pinterest!

It's a platform that's all about finding things that you love and helping people find things that they need help with. I love the platform and I think it's one of the most positive spaces out there. I also think that it's really easy to reach your niche audience on Pinterest, instead of just reaching everyone (which is important because you are trying to talk to people that align with what you do).

Through Pinterest, you are able to express creativity by the pins you design. It's a really easy platform to build community on (group boards and tailwind tribes). And you can fully automate it, so that you really only have to spend an hour to two hours a MONTH to get views on your Pinterest page and your linked website. So, if you're not quite ready to join the Instagram and Facebook bandwagon, I do suggest creating a Pinterest and promoting your brand/blog on there.

Let me know in the comments if developing a Pinterest strategy is something that you are interested in and I will one hundred percent give you my best tips for growing your audience on Pinterest. And for my Queen who is ready to join the social media world, I have a Pinterest board full of the best strategies for promoting your brand on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You are more than welcome to check it out if you are looking for some new tips and tricks.

I hope you enjoyed, Queen.

Until next time!

Tips for Getting into a High Vibe Space (When You're Feeling anything but)

Hello my queen!

Let me tell you, it has been one hell of a day. I got hit with so much inspiration and it feels like I have spent hours trying to figure out the best way to implement everything I am thinking of. But that is a story for another day. By now, you all know that at the end of 2017, I took a journey to better understand myself, be honest about what I really want and then freaking go for it. I encountered some shit along the way, had to confront some old wounds and learn how to handle burn out.

And that brings us to the point of this blog. I have reached the point in my life where I have learned to acknowledge when I have been pushing myself too hard. I learned this, because it is way easier to prevent burnout, than it is to recover it. So, when the new year rolled around and I felt completely uninspired to produce anything, I listened. I didn't force myself to do anything and indulged in just sitting in the rest period.

Now that doesn't mean that I was completely problem free and totally zen. Like there were still hella emotions coming up that were hard to manage and to be 100 percent honest, sometimes I just felt like shit 💩. Instead of analyzing that or trying to eliminate it, I just took a few days to go full vacation mode (outside of work, of course) and chill the fuck out. So, what do I do when I'm feeling really freaking low vibe and just have zero motivation at all? Let me tell you!

1. I run myself a bubble bath. If possible I use lavender or very floral smelling bubble bath so I can pretend to be rolling around in a garden. Or swinging on a swing somewhere in a huge field of gorgeous flowers
2. I light a candle. I really like the ones that say the have an intention, just because it reminds me of the mood I want to set and my intention for that hour or half hour. I believe there are ones that say thing like zen, balance, love etc.. I first light the candle when I get in the tub, and I keep it lit as I work through the next part of my routine. 
3. I notice that blank emotion is presenting itself and I invite you to express yourself and your purpose fully. And then I stop fucking thinking about it. For me, this is a practice in learning to sit with my emotions and also strengthening my relationship with my subconscious mind. I also find this helpful because one of the hardest part of difficult emotions is not being able to focus on anything else. Creating space for the emotion without consciously thinking about it makes it a lot easier to relax. 
4. This one is because I am extra, but I put on a silk bathrobe and just roll around my house and just feel into confidence. If you've ever seen Selena Gomez's Good for You video, that's exactly what I do. A really good tip that I learned from Unleashing the Genie within (a book) if you are not feeling confident, is to pretend that someone has just told you to act like. Your subconscious mind can't tell the difference between real and fake, so pretending that you are an actress and your task is to act like you are a confident bombshell can have the same impact as you believing that you are a confident bombshell. 
5. Dance around. Even when what I really want to do is flip a table across the room. If I really don't want to, I will only do it for a few minutes, but I find that it's pretty effective at helping bring up some joyful feelings. Again, acting as if. 
   
6. Depending on how I am feeling at this moment (and how heavy my emotions feel/how motivated I am) I will sit and write down my gratitude list. If I am not feeling motivated, I will just think of a few things I am grateful and thank the universe for my blessings. This can be as simple as being thankful for my senses. The purpose of this is to remind myself that I am the master of my mindset and that nothing is as bleak as it may feel in that moment. 
7. Put on a show that makes me laugh or feel in love. The latter is just because being in love is something I am trying to manifest in 2019, but love is also just a very pleasant feeling. Feel free to tweak this to what you want to manifest (remember you want the feeling that the thing will bring you, so feeling it now will help with manifestation). This one is fairly obvious as not only does it allow me to further detach from my conscious thoughts, it also frees my subconscious mind to connect with the way that I want to feel and not the way I feel at that moment. 

*don't forget to blow out your candle, Queen. 

Let me be clear that I don't do this once and then I'm suddenly feeling one hundred percent myself. I sometimes have an entire week where I do this every night, because that is what I need at the moment. But every single night I do this, I feel better and more aligned with my best self. I had to learn how to pause the hustle to take care of myself. And I have to tell you, since doing so QLQ has never done better and I feel amazing (because I removed the pressure and am learning to embrace the natural flow). I want you to know that it's also okay for you to do this for as long as you need. 

Now an important thing to note is that while my intention with this routine is to align with my best self and get into a better headspace emotionally, I am not trying to snuff out any tension or negative emotion. This is where step four is so crucial because I gave the command (and permission) to my subconscious mind to work through whatever tension or negative emotions was coming up, I trusted that it was getting done at the level where it was most important. This freed me up to feeling good in an authentic and aligned way. 

You've Changed...and the why behind that change

Hello My Queen,

There is a change in the air, and I want to make sure that you know about it. While Quarter-Life Queen is my blog and brand, I do like to think that we are all energetically involved in some way or another. As such, I want to make sure that I am keeping you in the loop of what is happening and why.

So, I have mentioned several times that I have felt torn. On the one hand, I felt like QLQ posts should be more specific and organized: Topic, solution, advice, conclusion. I wanted to make sure that I was bringing out high vibe content that conveyed a message and not one where there wasn't really a message at all.

On the other hand, I felt that I didn't want to stray away from sharing content about my life and what was going on in my life. I have and always will believe in the power of open expression and vulnerability. I think we connect through stories and not necessarily through advice. While I tried to end all of my stories with a lesson or takeaway, I sometimes wondered if the message was as clear to others as it was to me.

I don't have three hands, but if I did, the other would be authenticity and expertise. I don't believe in sharing and teaching what I don't know about. For so long, it felt off to write an entire post or posts exclusively about advice and tips ad tricks to overcome any one issue. But, that doesn't meant that there was nothing I knew about. There are things I learned and tips I know because I lived through the thing I'm talking about. And I had to overcome the limiting belief that it was wrong or inauthentic to talk about these things in a more formal way.

QLQ didn't start off as a personal development blog. It started as a place for me to be open about my pain and journey to overcome in the hopes that it would inspire and comfort other women who were in similar positions. I needed an outlet and I loved sharing.

As QLQ has evolved, I have also had to ask myself what I am hoping to accomplish and what is the purpose of it existing. And guess what, Queen? The answer that came to me was the QLQ is not all about me. It is about learning to turn my experiences and lessons into something tangible, relatable and helpful to others. I asked how I could better serve all of you, and the answer came to me. I have to start sharing posts that are cohesive and share concise advice. There are things that I do know, and I want to share them with you all in a helpful and logical way.

So, you're going to see more posts on here around a particular subject and my advice for that concern. There will be more helpful articles thrown in with the raw posts about my life. I am excited for this change and I hope that you are too.

Thank you for being with me this long in our journey, and I look forward to embarking on our next one together.

Much Love Always,

Shar

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Redefining Confidence

Hello My Queen,

Today I want to talk to you about something that I have been thinking about. I have mentioned in a few posts that I am feeling a lot more confident in myself and my life. While at times, I am still subject to moments of insecurity, I ultimately feel like with each passing day, I get closer and closer to my best self. But, what exactly do I mean by confidence (while it seems self-explanatory, it isn't).

First, let me tell you how I feel confidence is most portrayed/defined in popular media. Growing up, I saw confidence as this thing you possessed that made you almost a superhero. Nothing ever phased a confident person. They gave a shit about no one's thoughts about them. They were gorgeous and radiant and well loved. A confident person never felt insecure and always appeared to be super happy and positive (and maybe a little arrogant). And you could always tell when someone had confidence because everyone seemed to be drawn to them.

So in summary, being confident means not caring about what anyone thinks about you and never being hurt by the actions or words of others. It means floating into the room like you were the greatest gift to earth and rarely ever feeling a negative emotion because confident people don't have real problems.

Listen, I know that is a very dramatic, black and white portrayal of what confidence is. But, the thing is, I believed it. And I believed it because my subconscious mind believed it (and subconscious mind does not see nuances and can't tell the difference between reality and exaggerations).

But I want to take this moment to clarify what I think confidence really is. A healthier definition that does not leave us feeling like we are reaching for unrealistic expectations of what confidence looks like and being disappointed when we never really get there (or when we mask with arrogance in an attempt to fool other and ourselves into thinking that we are confident.

Photo by Tyler Nix on unsplash

Confidence is not

1. Never being bothered by anything
2. Never feeling insecure
3. Never feeling like you need validation or assurance that you're doing fine
4. Always being positive and radiating joy and lightheartedness like a light house

It took me until today to realize that I had this very unhealthy idea of what being confident meant in my subconscious. So, I want to re-frame and give confidence a healthier, more aligned definition. 

For me, being confident means knowing and accepting who you are. This includes understanding your story, your values, your boundaries, your accomplishments and the areas that you are trying to improve (while understanding that improving doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with you in the first place, just that you are shifting into a different version of yourself that is more aligned with your aspirations). 

Confidence means accepting if you are hurt by someones words or actions, but knowing that they are not the be all end all and they do not have the power to stop you from getting what you came here for. It means feeling the emotion and then keeping it moving (not denying that you felt anything) because at the end of the day, you know only you control your emotions and reactions. It means even if you are hurt, you know you are always enough and then having the courage to let that shit go. 

Photo by Sonnie Hiles on unsplash

It means accepting that sometimes you feel insecure and want validation that you are doing the right thing and that you do deserve what you want. It means knowing that feeling insecure doesn't make you less confident or less worthy. It means being able to embrace your humanness in all of it's glory and knowing that no emotion makes you less of a person, and no emotion has the ability to take away your sense of worth. 

And it means that no matter what happens, you will always be okay because your worth does not come from your job, your income, your business, your credit score, how many friends you have, how much shit you own, or how much/many people like you. Your confidence comes from you, knowing yourself and knowing what's important to you. 

And that's how you show up as the confident queen you have always been. 

So, tell me... what makes you feel confident?

Until next time loves!

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Understanding Anger and Why You're Feeling It

Hello Loves,

It is my first week back at work and I have to tell you, I am tired AF. On a completely random note, I also feel a bit of tension starting this post off with a note about my life because I feel the pressure to just jump into the content, but I'm also learning to get comfortable with the grey space of QLQ because it is a hybrid of my personal life, but also the lessons and tips I have learned.

But, anyway, exhaustion and confusion aside, I want to tell you a little bit more about something I have been thinking about. In a previous post, I mentioned that I was struggling with difficult emotions and accepting my humanness. But I want to dig a little deeper and explain that the emotion I had been struggling with the most was anger and resulting aggression.

I am a firm believer that what other people think of you is not your business because it is reflection of them and their current circumstances and beliefs. As such, I also make it a point not blame anyone for how I am feeling/what I am thinking (even if they're involved). I take full ownership of my own emotions and reactions and try to understand why I am feeling this way.

In learning to decode my anger and behavior, I had to accept something I have known all along. All emotions serve a purpose. At its root, anger is a defense. If you think back to like survival got to run away from that big thing that's trying to eat me times, anger probably served as a way to assert yourself, scare away the enemy or be brave in the face of whatever you were facing.

Now, I won't generalize anger for everyone, but for me, I find that I use anger in a very defensive way. While anger can be a very toxic emotion to feel, it is a lot easier to feel because I can push it away from me. But when digging deeper, I found that anger often arose when I was feeling especially vulnerable or afraid that I would lose something I subconsciously thought of as necessary for my survival.

For example, if I was mad at my coworker for saying whatever, the anger was actually coming from the fear that her words would put my job in jeopardy (it wouldn't), so in fact, the anger was fear based. Or if someone was coming into my life, I would get angry because I was afraid they might hurt me, so I tried to create distance by being prickly.

And how exactly did I learn to figure out the emotion that was hiding behind the mask of anger. I had to think back to what was the split second of emotion I felt before the anger snapped back up.

So, while anger is a completely natural emotion, I do encourage you to dig a little deeper and question why anger is presenting itself to you in this specific situation. Doing this has been one of the biggest ways I have not only discovered my limiting beliefs, but learned to overpower them.

Until next time loves!

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12 Best Blog Posts of 2018

Hello my queen,

I am currently on the retreat portion of my two week vacation ( I work at a college so we get winter breaks off). This means that I am reflecting, learning new skills, trying to expand my network and creating intentions for how I want to proceed this year. That also means cleaning my house, running errands and thinking about habits that don't serve me.

Although it feels strange to be back in the grove of things, I am still slowly transitioning into this portion of my life and this chapter of quarter-life queen. So, while I clean my fridge out and get my life together, I want to bring you this lighthearted post. I wrote quite a lot in 2018 year (about 3 times a week), but I want to share the twelve posts of 2018 that I freaking loved.

They share powerful messages, helpful tips, moments of vulnerability or just hilarious outtakes from my life. Let me know which one of the 2018 Quarter-Life Queens post was your favorite and why. I really would love to hear from you.

1. Why I am afraid of success I got real fucking deep in this post and talked about all the ways society demonizes success. So, if you're wondering why you feel you are in your own way, this could be a good place to start. My favorite line from this post: Success doesn’t have to mean changing who I am. It doesn’t have to mean giving up on meaningful connection with others and it doesn’t mean living for my job.
2. Changing your Core Values and Beliefs  I was very meta in this post, but this post is also packed with information about identity and one of the major steps to take to create massive change in your mindset and in your life. My favorite line from this post: Can one actually change their spirit or can they only reveal it? Am I afraid to make change because I don't want to alter my soul, or has my soul been buried in so many layers of socialization that making these changes will only free it?
3. Forced Positivity and self sabotaging behavior Rereading this, I realized that this was a pivotal moment in my journey. This is the day I truly identified and eliminated a major limiting belief. I also really talk about emotions, positivity and manifestation. My favorite line from this post: So Queen, I wish to remind you (as I did myself) that manifestation is not about forcing yourself to only feel positivity every second of the day. I also wish to remind you that choosing to be a queen is sometimes scary fucking work.
   
   
4. Honesty Hour: What's it like to run a personal development blog This post was truly an open expression of the tension I was feeling about turning QLQ into the empire it was meant to be. I vowed to not hide my struggles on this blog, and I think that this post is one of the most vulnerable when it comes to actually stepping into business. My favorite line from this post: And to every other queen out there dealing with the fear that the content they put out is not high value enough, I encourage you to keep it moving as you see fit. Trust that what you feel called to do and how you feel called to do it is enough.
5. Identity, Internal beliefs and making change I just adore this post for sentimental reasons because this was a major break though in my life and taught me a lot about why I felt on edge. My favorite line from this post: My identity said you are a person who must overcome adversity and problems because it makes you a stronger and more worthwhile person. The more you overcome, the better you understand yourself and the stronger your spirit gets. 
6. Can you be confident and insecure? My favorite line from this post: In general, as women, I feel like we are taught to berate ourselves and strive to be better but not really celebrate ourselves. Perhaps this is influenced by some kind of misguided perception that to celebrate oneself is to be self-indulgent.
7. Regret and Self Worth: Your past does not define your future If you feel you are being held back by guilt or that you are unworthy for any reason, this is a great post to read to get back in alignment with the queen that you are. My favorite line from this post: There is no such thing as mistakes. Doesn't exist. Everything that you have gone through and done have taught you something valuable that you need to know in order to live the amazing, beautiful, heavenly life you were brought here to live.
   
8. 10 life lessons from post-graduate life  This post was incredibly emotionally difficult for me to write because I don't like reflecting on things that hurt. But I do tell you some of the most important lessons life experience has taught me. My favorite line from this post: I think this was the only way I was willing to listen to the fact that acting as if doesn't mean going into debt or spending all of your money. It means embodying the best version of yourself through your behaviors and beliefs. Not through the things that you have. 
9. Sad and Uninspired: The Road to Entrepreneurship  My favorite line from this post: So, rather than say, "Oh, I'm sad. That's bad or that really sucks, let me be happy," I said "Oh, I'm sad and it doesn't feel great, but that's okay. I'm a human, and I am allowed to feel sad."
10. You Can Love Luxury and Be Charitable Talking about money openly is something that is so villanized. This was not an extremely comfortable post for me to write, but it was necessary because an important part of my journey is redefining my relationship with money. If you ever felt like having money makes you evil or selfish, then I encourage you to read this post. My favorite line from this post: Queen, I want to reassure you that you don't have to live like you're broke to be a good and charitable person. If you are a good charitable person, you will continue to be a good and charitable person even as you embrace your desire for luxury. 
11. Navigating 21st Century dating as a late bloomer Lol this post seriously just makes me laugh so much and I feel like you can really get a sense of my humor in this post. My favorite line from this post: I used to wonder if my lack of desire to have a significant other stemmed from my ignorance of never being in a relationship. Well, turns out I always knew myself pretty well in that while I enjoy dating, I don't enjoy any kind of commitment. She's a free spirit!
12. Dear Late Bloomer This was the moment when I first seriously started confronting comparison in my life and how social media makes it so easy to do so. I consider this one of the major starting points of the 2018 chapter of my life. My favorite line from this post: You don't have to rush into anything you're not ready for and it's okay for you to just want to have fun and to follow your curiosity. You don't need to be looking for the perfect man or the flashiest job. You are not defined by your credit score, you income, your relationship status or anything else. You are not your career.
    

It was really fun for me to reflect on 2018 and what I thought of everything I went through and learned. It was beautiful for me to see the gradual shifts in my mindset, my content and my style of writing. I thank you for coming along with me on the journey and I am so excited to see the fun that 2019 brings for all of us. 

Cheers loves!

You are allowed to be in your feelings

You are allowed to be in your feelings

Hello my queen and welcome to 2019. I have declared this to be the year of following my intuition and stepping into the version of myself I decided I was meant to be. 

This is also the first year that I have not set any resolutions. I have just decided to continue my life striving for growth, understanding and further connection. 

But that’s not the point of this post. I have always preached embracing your humanness. I tell you the things I actually go through, think, overcome and continue to struggle with. I value our connection this way. 

However, I sometimes struggle with embracing my own humanness. I don’t like certain emotions within myself because they make me feel like the worst version of myself. Sad, angry, confused and full of angst. A version of myself I am so eager to shed (and I am realizing are integral to my human experience and do not need to be eliminated)

Particularly, anger, jealousy and sadness are the most difficult emotions for me to feel. And for the past few weeks I have been flitting between all three emotions-and judging myself harshly for doing so even as I worked to release them. 

One hour I’m full banshee like if you so much as breath on me, I’ll bite you. The other I’m all sadness and reading poems and listening to my in my feelings playlist and the other I’m judging myself for not being further along in life, in business, in love. 

But I have to tell you that I’m working through this, I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to be in my feelings. I’m allowed to feel these heavy emotions and it takes NOTHING away from me. My throne is still my own even when I am not at my best. 

So, I am learning to stop fighting. To stop believing that every negative emotion makes me a bad person. I am human and I’m allowed to be sad, angry and even jealous. So are you! We don’t need to judge ourselves for being in bad moods and we don’t need to be “fixed” when we are. Although I admit I don’t believe it’s healthy to linger in any one emotion for too long.

But still, I understand that these emotions hurt. Maybe they also make you feel completely out of alignment. So I want to tell you the perspective shift that brought me some clarity (and peace of mind).

Emotions don’t always mean a block or regression. Sometimes they mean a purge. A deep (if painful) healing preparing you for more greatness. Sometimes you don’t have to overanalyze what you’re feeling. Instead, allow yourself to sit with the feelings; feel the discomfort and grow through the haze. 

Remember my queen, things (including feelings) only have the meaning YOU attach to them. 

Until next time, loves 💕