Shar has a breakdown: Let's Get Honest

Hello Queen,

If I am being honest, I feel a bit lost at the moment. I am questioning everything I am chasing and I really am digging deep into why/if this is really what I want. My life has become about better understanding myself, my desires and my behaviors.

I am happy that I have reached the point where I truly believe that I am the creator of my own reality. But that does mean being a lot more mindful about the reality of creating it. Like anything, there is a balcony and a basement with this kind of thinking. The balcony being the beautiful life that you intentionally create. The basement being that actively creating your reality means actively thinking about and taking action towards what you want. It means being hyper aware of your own emotional state and being hyper aware of when you are not doing the right thing.

I find that frustrating sometimes, you know? It's like you know that something is wrong, but you're too scared to dig deep into what that thing is because that means you have to change it. But you don't know how to change it so you avoid or deny it instead. I am also very aware that I am in the reflective phase of the cycle and being in a low emotional state is pretty normal here. But when I started QLQ I did so because I wanted to be honest and raw about my life and what it took to get to success.

And today that means telling you the truth. I don't feel great. I live a pretty good life, but I just don't feel right. If I could, I would just go home and hide under the covers. Sadness is a natural emotion and I am trying my best to embrace it and let it serve its purpose. But I am tired and I am sad and I want to cry and that is my truth today. I don't want to hide anything from you. I don't want to contribute to the narrative that life is always good and you are always happy AF. You can be blissful and still have days where you feel like nothing.

Some real truth. I woke up in the middle of the night last night to my subconscious mind saying you are killing yourself. I haven't been drinking enough water, I barely leave my bed, I have been working my ass off at work because I am distracting myself from what I don't want to confront. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family in almost two weeks and I can count on one hand the number of times I have showered in the past two weeks (gross but true). My solution has always been to look inward and to lean on the people and resources in my life that bring me joy. But I don't fucking feel like it! I'll turn something inspiring on, immediately think shut the fuck up and turn it off. I don't love these people any less, I'm just not in a great space right now and I want to be truthful with you about that.

Sometimes you'll want to hide under the covers and cry.

Sometimes you will feel lost and overwhelmed. That's okay. You are a human and you are meant to feel the full range of emotions. Embrace where you are now and trust that you will get back to where you are meant to be. What do you do when you are in a low emotional state?

Much Love, Always,

Shar

When you have no idea what the fuck you are doing with your life

Hello Queen!

As I have settled into my adult life, I have realized a few things. Mainly that it seems like everyone is doing at least one thing (usually work) they don't enjoy. And that's not reality, it's just sad. But, I'm not free of this. There are things that I do that I don't enjoy doing because I bought into the idea that life is supposed to look this way (leveling out of that). That everyone sacrifices something to live. That you will never 100 percent love what you do. That in exchange for money, you give up some of your happiness and all of your time. These were the stories I inherited.

In 2017 I struggled to find a job. I was highly educated, had an impressive resume (so I had been told) and just could not get employed. This lead to not being able to afford food, or pay rent. It also lead to the utter destruction of my credit score as I could not longer pay bills. I was told to be patient to which I said bitch, fuck you! I can barely live.

At the end of 2017, I said fuck this shit. I decided I was a queen and anyone would be lucky to work with me. I dug deep for all of my stories, beliefs and thoughts that created the crap reality I was in. I stepped up and owned all of my shit and refused to hide my message. I showed up to interviews exactly as I was and got two jobs.

In 2018, I was employed and catching up on my bills. I could hangout with my friends, make time for new connections and focus all of my love on my blog. I got a promotion, moved to my favorite part of of the city and developed a deep love and gratitude for my life and all of the blessings in it. But, I was still anxious and living from the fear of going broke.

In 2019 I realized that I didn't really enjoy the work I was doing. I was living below my own standards and taking action because I was afraid of living 2017 life. I tired to convince myself that the success I had was good enough, but I knew deep down that it wasn't the success I was meant for. I was meant for more because I felt called to more. I didn't live to thrive, I lived to survive.

And if there is anything that I have learned it's to never give your crown away. And you do that when you start living your life fearfully and meekly. Fuck playing it safe. Play it as yourself.

In April 2019 I decided that I was ready to step back into myself. I quit trying to prove anything to anyone and gave myself permission to just figure it out. I decided that life didn't have to be anything but what I wanted it to be and I didn't have to live in misery. I also decided that I didn't have to know my entire life plan. I could do it step by step.

Do I have it all figured out? Fuck no. I'm 24 and still working shit out. But I decided to make the most of my 20's, follow my passion and truth and trust the journey ahead of me. I've learned more about the subconscious mind, bio hacking, the universe, manifestation and our own unique magic in the past 2 years than I have in my entire life. I don't have it all figured out, but I have made knowing myself a priority and for that I have found more happiness and ease than I could have imagined. everyday is a journey, but I know that I am on the right path.

We are all the creators of our own realities and only you can decide what reality looks like for you.

Our stories have led us all to this point in your life. The story you create now is your own. Take your crown back.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

How Playing Video Games Helps Me Connect With My Subconcious Mind

Hello Queen,

I have been doing some Spring cleaning of the mind and in doing so, have stumbled upon the following within myself.

How can you expect to love yourself if you have no idea who you are? Or maybe you have a really good grasp on who you are, but find yourself acting and behaving in ways that you do not consciously agree with. You set goals or intentions and then you sabotage them.

One way this has manifested in my life is health. I know that I am at my healthiest and happiest when I take the time to prepare my meals, eat well and remain active. I am one of those people who gets the workout high. Yet, for a long period of time, I found myself eating junk food and chips and candy and ice cream and doing literally nothing but lay in bed. It got so bad that even sitting up was extremely exhausting. No matter how many goals and intentions I set, I slipped back into the same patterns of behavior. I finally learned that the issue was not a lack of willpower. Stop buying into the idea that you are just not trying hard enough or that you are not disciplined enough.

In very simple terms, the issue is that your subconscious identities, values and beliefs do not align with the intentions that you are consciously setting. In the realm of the mind, subconscious mind is big daddy. All of your actions, beliefs, fears, behaviors and manifestations begin in the subconscious mind. Now that doesn't mean that you should say "well, subconscious mind is more powerful and it doesn't want what I want, so I must not be meant to have it. Fuck it." Like, no girl. You and your subconscious mind are partners in the creation of your reality. If you are self-sabotaging, wavering in your decisions or living in the fearful what if, then it is time to understand and collaborate with the subconscious mind. Now, I have a course that I will be releasing all about exactly how to do this, but I want to talk to you about the counter-intuitive way that I do this.

At its root, subconscious mind is a very powerful child. It thinks in images and has a very black and white view of the world. Conscious mind is its partner. It sees all the details and provides guidance for the absolute power of the subconscious. The best way to know the subconscious mind is to give it the space and freedom to express exactly what is going on (so you can align it to what you want to be going on). How do you do that easily? Silence the conscious mind. Now you can do this through breathing, meditation and journaling, but sometimes I just want to have fun and do nothing! That rest is important, even when it is rest from personal development.

I recently went through burnout (which I am still recovering from) and the last thing I wanted to do was inner work. I wanted a break! So, I started looking for completely mindless activities and found something that worked fabulously well for me. As you can guess from the title, it was video games. More specifically the Sims 4 (not sponsored in anyway at all).

After two weeks of playing, I found that I was able to explore untapped desires and internal truths. I was struggling with making a big decisions and dealing with the resurfacing of some pretty deep self-trust issues (we truly take our shit with us). So, I gave myself permission to just play video games all day (I was also on vacation).

Through my game play I discovered within myself the desire to write creatively, the desire to get back into art. The belief that love is difficult and full of drama or that love is obsessive. I found the belief that only hard work leads to success. I found the desire for a child in the future. And I continue to learn so much more. Now, you may be rolling your eyes like, girl or that's just how the game played out.

But I would have to say in game play, I was completely tuned out. I was fully tapped into my inner child and just allowing my whims to show up in game play while allowing part of my mind to take in what I was doing when commanding my sim family. Through doing so, I also questioned what my game play revealed about myself. This was highly effective in both providing clarity in what was boiling under the surface of my mind and in helping me love myself more fully by visually allowing me to process my own desires.

I must admit that this is me at my most ridiculous woo, but it worked. And if you take anything away from this is that finding yourself and practicing self-care does not have to look a certain way. Sometimes finding and loving yourself means giving yourself permission to check out and explore in new ways.

And if you are looking for more concrete strategies to understand yourself, your mind, your power and to stop the cycle of self-sabotage, I will be offering a course on the exact strategies I use to leverage the power of my subconscious mind and how you can too. Sign Up for first access to this course.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Flow State: The 4 Cycles for Peak Productivity

Good Morning Queens!

As promised in part 1 of this post, I want to elaborate some more of flow state productivity. Or, more specifically productivity designed around the natural cycles of your month to month. As I mentioned in part 1 of this post, I was listening to episode 247 of the Mind Your Business Podcast with James Wedmore. In this podcast, one fact that changed my entire view of productivity (and sparked my curiosity in biohacking). Men's hormones renew themselves every 24 hours. While women's hormones renew themselves roughly every 28 days. For men, productivity works very well in a 24 hour period. While women cycle every 28 days so productivity and time work differently. Now, I am just beginning to learn this, so I have not explained that very well and I can't go much further into it as I am still exploring. I encourage you to listen to the episode as this concept is explained much more clearly in that episode.

For now, I want to explain what this has meant for productivity and aligned flow in my own. If you (like me) have found yourself frustrated with motivation or staying organized and on track with your goals, then continue reading for exactly how I rescheduled my time for more clarity, focus and alignment. Plus my little rebel heart hates "having" to do anything. So, this way of scheduling was a real game changer.

I can talk about this in the abstract, but I think it will click more (and be less boring) if I provide you with an example of how I now design my schedule to align with my goals, but also honor my time. No one likes to have to force anything and I have found that this has been the easiest, most intuitive way to get shit done without making myself do things that I don't want to do. 

Week 1: Creative Period. I shy away from anything that involves being very extroverted and make this the time to work on my business. Meaning doing things like improving graphics, updating the QLQ Free Library of Resources, and just taking the time to work on brand identity and better supporting you babes.

Week 2: Planning time. This is when my body is naturally in high productivity and focus is very sharp. I use this time to think about the big goals that I have and reverse engineer them into the smaller actionable steps I take today. This is also the time where I set my monthly goals and evaluate where we have grown and where there is room to grow.

Week 3: Charisma. This is about the period of ovulation or the full moon (if you're reading this in real time, that is now, babe. Tap into that magic). I am at my most charismatic in this state. So, I leverage that power. This is a great time to network and collaborate. I use this week as a chance to look into who I want to work with and support the people that inspire me. This is also a great week to brainstorm and allow your imagination to wander. This week is a great time to be in the spotlight so I am most active on social media and with all of you queens in this week as this is the time when I can be at my most supportive.

Week 4: Reflection. This is typically the time when we will want to withdraw and look inwards. If you experience a cycle, this is the time right before you start menstruating. I personally find this week to be a pretty low emotional state. But rather than view this as a week of no productivity, I honor the emotional and hormonal state by making this the week where I work on myself the most. This is the week of self-productivity. That means making time for self-care and also reading books on subjects that I find really interesting (biohacking, the mind and manifestation). This is also the period where I journal all that is going on in my life, work through personal development workbooks and just do the deep inner work to move into the next level. It's also the week where I relax and give myself permission to do nothing if that is what I want. Think rest and recovery.

This really simple restructure has made my life so much easier. No more unconscious judgment when I didn't want to do certain task.s Very minimal forcing of any activity and just a lot more comfort in knowing that things that need to get done will get done by the end of the month in a way that is much more aligned with what my body and spirit are naturally doing. And to the "daily grind" I bid you a not so fond bye Felicia.

What does Burnout Look Like?

Can I just be real with you? 

I’m under so much stress. I’ve been getting headaches every single day and anxiety has flared back up with a vengeance. My brain goes to the worst case at very random moments. From walking home to falling asleep to the middle of pleasant conversations. The panic doesn’t discriminate. 

In 2017 I believed the source of my stress was finances. In 2018 I believed it was work. In 2019 I know that I am the source of my own stress. I am over complicating easy decisions. Focusing on things I can’t control. Thinking only of what I don’t have. ( make sure to say turns for the next post where I will discuss the impact stress has in changing the very ways you think and process). 

That has been a difficult place to be in because now the glimpses of my happiness and alignment feel rarer and less concrete. I am not in dark place, but I am in a painful transition. I know what I need to do to get out of it, but I am reluctant to do it. This is self-sabotage at its finest. 

I am not telling you this for pity. I am telling you this for reassurance. You have heard new level. new devil. My favorite saying (which is not my own but I have forgotten who said it) is same shit, different outfit. 

Taking the journey to understand yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. But that doesn’t mean the journey is always clear and pleasant. It doesn’t mean that you work through something and you’re done with it forever. 

So, as I reassess anxiety in my life and look for the emotional root of my physical symptoms, I am tweaking and adjusting my self-care routines to the moment I am in. I am trying to be adaptable, open and understanding. This does feel easier said than done right now. 

But just because I am out of alignment right now, doesn’t mean that I will always be out of alignment. Until then I will strive to remember to treat myself with love, understanding and respect. I encourage you to do the same. 

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Tips for Aligned Productivity in Business

Good Morning my loves,

I just finished listening to an amazing episode of the mind your business podcast all about your cycle. Now, I don't actually get a real period because I am on birth control. However, I do experience "ghost" cycles where I experience the same symptoms as the cycle, but do not actually menstruate.

Now, I'm actually here to talk about the relation of cycles (not just menstrual cycles) to alignment, inspiration and just your spiritual connection with yourself. I speak a lot about alignment. I think that being aligned with yourself and what you want is important just so you can feel grounded in your identity and abilities.

As all people do, I fall in and out of alignment, because alignment, like emotions, is a state and it is not a fixed state. So, I created several routines for getting back into alignment when I feel I have been out of it too much. I do want to note that when you are reaching an uplevel, you will feel out of alignment and all out of whack just because you are transitioning to a new phase of your life.

But there was a time very recently (and even still now) where I just felt off. I didn't feel motivated, creative or really willing to do much of anything but watch TV and stare out of the window. Because I did spend much of my life dealing with major depression, I associated this period of rest with feeling off. With not being in alignment and perhaps even of being depressed. Like much of society, I thought not wanting to spend time with anyone or do anything or temporarily losing interest in the things I enjoy meant that there was something wrong. (I also know that these are in fact the symptoms of depression, but depression is the length of time you have been feeling these things and the context in which you are feeling it). Since there was something wrong, I had to fix it.

The thing is, I would never advise that to one of my coaching clients (or anyone really). But because it was me, I judged myself hard and desperately tried to find the thing that was causing these feelings so I could fucking get rid of it. This is the desire to be happy all the time, which simply is not possible as you were designed to feel all of your emotions, not just happiness.

It was just today that I realized I was in a cycle of rest (lunar). The new moon and your menstruation are the time for you to sit, rest and reflect. It is a natural time where you will withdraw so you can connect with yourself. It is also when you are at your most intuitive because you are in stillness. And larger society seems to neglect this stillness because if you are not working, then you must be lazy.

And I want to emphasize that if you are feeling out of whack and like you just don't want to do anything, allow that to be the space you are in. This is your opportunity to connect with your intuition, get clear on what you want and receive your nudges from the universe. Honor this space because it is a critical part of your humanity and your experience on earth.

So, what do you do when you are feeling like you don't want to do anything and just feel off? Give yourself the space to feel that way without rushing to fix it. Honor yourself and your emotions by removing the judgement and realizing that you are part of nature as well. You will cycle, just as nature cycles.

PS Make sure to stay tuned as I will be talking about how to leverage your emotional cycles to perform at peak, aligned productivity.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Importance of Self-Forgiveness

Hello Queen,

It has been a very beautiful period of stillness recently and as such, I want to share with you what I have learned about personal growth.

Forgive yourself first. I have spoken about forgiveness before. Taking a look at your life and the people and events that shaped you in ways you’re not happy with. 

Looking at the times you have been hurt, the people who hurt you and the exact way they did so. As a side note, also looking at the positive experiences and the things that shaped you in the best ways is also important, but we are talking about forgiveness today. I encouraged this (and still do) because anger and resentment take up a lot of spiritual and emotional space. You can’t call in what you want when you cling so tightly to your old identity and beliefs. That resentment and that pain carries on and taints what it is that you are trying to build. So, I encouraged you to release and later realized that sometimes you forgive the same thing many times at each level. 

But I’m not perfect. In my journey to explore, forgive and release, I failed to look at myself. Sure, I forgave myself for the big things. For being horrible to my sister when I was a ikd, for not caring more about others, for wallowing in my pain and grief for the sake of getting love and validation. 

But I didn’t look deep enough. I also needed to forgive the smaller things. The bad decisions, the being easily influenced. The not trusting my own emotions. Every time I shamed myself for being sad. Every time I hated myself for not embracing who I was fully. Every person I pushed out of my life because I was blinded by my own low self worth. All the dreams I crushed by listening to other people. The identities I took on that were not my own. 

These seem like the smaller things because they are the micro level things that happen day to day, until one day you look around and realize that is the life and personality you have created for yourself.

I read a post the other day that said to stop dancing in and out of your decision. That your life is not a game of hokey pokey. And I felt seen in a very uncomfortable way. I felt seen because this is what I was doing. 

And I was doing it because I didn’t trust my decisions. I hadn’t forgiven myself for the lessons I had to learn to get to this point in my life. While I love and adore the woman I had become, I had not yet forgiven what it took to become her. So, when it came time to make these big decisions, I didn't trust that I would do what was best for me. I had not yet forgiven myself. 

 Forgive yourself first. This is the foundation of yourself and the new life you are so desperate to create. 

Much love, always,

Shar 

Are You Living Your Life According to Someone Else's Limiting Beliefs?

Hi Queen!

How many of us have heard that's just the way life is. Life isn't fair. Sometimes you have to do the things you don't want to do. You have to sacrifice. You can't have it all. There's always bad with the good. Nothing in life is free. Life isn't supposed to be easy. If you want something, you have to work hard for it. Blah, blah, blah. It's all shit. Honestly it is. And the worst part it's not even your shit. Someone in your life had word diarrhea all over your life and that shit is just rotting in your subconscious mind. And man can you smell it.

One of the most beautiful things I have learned in the past few years is that nothing is true unless you believe it is true and you can always choose to believe something new. I must admit, coming from my background it's really hard for me to say that. My subconscious mind wants to fight and make a case for all of the crap it is holding onto. "No, etc, etc, because, and this." It's nonsense and I have to acknowledge that if I want to grow into something different. I have to clean out the crap if I want to live that life I have wanted since I was like five. No really, little baby me's first career goal was to own the biggest mall in America and have it be the coolest hangout spot in the world. I was always hella ambitious and I always wanted to be an entrepreneur.

But, somewhere along the line, I learned that I wasn't being realistic. That the path I was going to be on was work and die. That only those with money or a lot of luck could be successful entrepreneurs and I should choose the secure path. That to want more than comfort was to be greedy and take away from others. Sound familiar?

Well, then you also know that eventually you start to believe the shit that comes out of people's mouths. That's not your fault. You were too young to hear that these were just stories being fueled by their limiting beliefs. Your conscious mind was not developed enough to call bullshit. And these people didn't mean to bury you. They didn't mean to snuff out your dreams and sentence you to a life of dissatisfaction. In many cases (but not all because there are people who are in so much pain that they want others to be in pain so they can normalize their situations), they wanted to protect you.

But queen, it's time for you to protect yourself. It's time to for you to live out your truth. Just because an experience is common, doesn't make it normal (I believe Tony Robbins first said this). It means that lots of people bought into the same story and you can pull yourself out of that black hole. Decide that the only stories you are going to listen to are your own and remember that only the things you believe to be true are true. Choose to believe the things that light you up, not the things that make you feel like shit.

3 Simple Steps to Identify Your Limiting Beliefs: Get Clear on What Your Limiting Beliefs and Stories Are