Why You Need to Follow Your Dreams

Hello my lovely readers! How is everyone doing today? Warning, that I'm about to get hella meta (hello inner philosopher).

I have to say, I'm having one of those days where I just feel super connected to the universe and appreciative for what I have. And, I like blew my own mind this morning, so I just had to get on here and tell you this.

I really struggled with the idea of being successful because although I know that I am meant for greatness, I also know that greatness comes with a lot of responsibility. Like anyone else, I asked myself who am I to go after my dreams so whole heartedly? Why do I deserve my best future? Is living greatly selfish/greedy?

I finally realized why it's so important that I chase my dreams and accomplish shit that I want to accomplish. Going after what you want is important not only because it shows gratitude for the life that you have, but because you are a part of someone else's destiny!

You might be thinking to yourself: "Shar, you've gone of the deep end," but hear me out. Have you ever had an aha moment, or stumbled across something that really changed your life? For me, as a teenager when I was severely depressed, music and books saved me. Anyone who has been an angst ridden and depressed teen will relate. Where would I be if those musicians and authors were like nah I don't feel like it and gave up on their dreams?

As an adult the moments were different. I got to the point where I began writing Queendom because of all that I learned and felt from other badass inspirational people. They helped me get to where I am now by following their own dreams. Would I be going after my dreams if they had decided to stick to safety?

It's no different for any of us looking to change our lives and follow our dreams.  If you're at the point where you're like: "why the heck should I be the one to follow my dreams?" and living your best life is not a good enough answer for you, then know it's because you will have an impact on someone else's life. Maybe it's your business, book, blog, videos, music, whatever that saves someone's life or helps someone out of a hard time or inspires someone who will change the world. That is the connection between all of our destinies.

Eight Tips for Getting Out of an Unemployment Funk

So, you feel like shit.

You've applied to what seems like hundreds of jobs just to have doors close in your face. You keep asking for answers but the only thing you hear is bitch, you're a dumbass. You feel worthless, and lost and stupid and just have no idea what to do, but have no choice but to take action.

If this sounds like you, then you're not alone. In America, we say education is the key to a good future, and if you don't get what you want it's because you didn't work hard enough. Then you find yourself highly educated, unemployed and contemplating taking a 10 dollar and hour job just so you can eat. It's hard not to beat yourself up in this moment. To not feel angry, helpless, resentful, jealous, suicidal, anxious and just like a giant pile of crap would be a miracle. You all know that I have been there, but I'm going to share with you what helped me get out of this dark space.

If you've stumbled across this blog, it's because you're looking for something different. Maybe you feel like you're drowning, or you're just looking for a new approach. I hope you're ready to read and process this information, and if you're not, that's okay. Sometimes you just need to grieve, so allow yourself that time and come back to this.

1. I forgave myself. Again and again I told myself that I was the one to blame. I couldn't find a job because I was stupid and worthless and everyone else could see that. I couldn't stand up to the competition. I'm sure you know how much of a toll that takes, so I had to forgive myself. I forgave myself for being so harsh and hateful. 
2. I shifted my perspective. I reminded myself that I couldn't find a job because where I was looking did not serve my purpose. Doors weren't shutting in my face, I was being redirected because I was meant for something greater. 
3. I became grateful and began to see the good in everything. Everyday is a win, because everyday I wake up, I'm warm and have the ability to achieve greatness. 
4. I followed my passion. Shit, I was already poor, so there was no reason to be miserable. Everything that I tried wasn't working, so I just started doing things that I loved. I read more, I started this blog, I started writing again, I relaunched my YouTube channel. I looked to bring happiness in my life and stopped focusing on the parts of my life that I was unhappy with. 
5. I got clear about what I wanted for my future. Where do I live? What do I have? What do I do? Why is this future so perfect? And then I asked myself, How can I start living that future now?
6. I stopped attaching my worth to my accomplishments. I refused to let a job make or break me. I was worth it no matter my circumstances. 
7. I stopped applying to jobs. It was becoming exhausting and heart breaking and wasn't working. I had absolute faith that what I want is already mine and will come to me when I'm meant to have it. 
8. I loved myself even on the days when I felt like I didn't have any love to give. 

This didn't happen overnight for me and took weeks of work, and pain, and joy, and loss. I still have to remind myself of these things every single day, but I have to say that I am in a much better place. My struggles don't bother me anywhere near as much as they used to because I know my worth. My circumstances don't shape my identity, and I know this now. 

I hope these tips help anyone who feels like their world is falling apart. We don't often seriously talk about the highly educated but unemployed. Know that your experience doesn't make you worthless. Read this everyday if you have to, and trust that you will pick yourself back up because you always have. There is a bright side waiting for you. 

Now, go forth and live by your new rules, Babe!

Amazing YouTubers that Will Inspire You to Up Your Game

If there is anything you need to know about me, it's that I love YouTube. Not only do I have my own channel (wink, wink), but I watch YouTubers for hours every single day. So, it makes sense that one of the posts during this week of inspiration is one about inspirational YouTubers. Now, if you're not into this kind of thing then you're welcome to skip this post, but I would suggest that you check some of these people out. YouTubers a great example of being successful by being yourself, and they truly inspire me every single day. I'm going to stop rambling now and get into it. All of the YouTubers channels are linked below as well. Now onwards with this super millennial post. (As always, this is arranged in no particular order)

Lilly Singh (IIsuperwomanII/superwomanvlogs)

If you've heard of #girllove, then you've heard of superwoman. Lilly is not only an incredible business woman, she is a wonderful example of how to lift yourself up and others up with you. Lilly's main channel is all comedy. Hilarious videos meant to take your mind off whatever happens in your life. Her second channel is where she daily vlogs and reminds all of her viewers to hustle for their dreams. If I'm ever feeling lazy or uninspired, I turn to Lilly because Lilly works hard every single day to get what she has. And if I just need a laugh, I watch her main channel videos because not only are they hilarious, but I can tell how much effort goes into making every single one. It's also nice to see a woman of color killing the game.
 https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII    https://www.youtube.com/user/SuperwomanVlogs

Alfie Deyes (Pointlessblogvlogs) 

As his name suggests, Alfie is a daily vlogger. Alfie is so endlessly positive, and it's not a forced kind of positivity either. Alfie just radiates a happiness in his videos and that is exactly why I'm inspired by him (just look at that twinkle in his eye). No matter what is going in his life, Alfie finds things to be positive about without denying that negative things are happening. Alfie is also incredibly charitable and a business man. You may not hear much about his business outside of the Creator store on his vlogs, but Alfie is also a Land lord and his hands on a couple of different projects.
https://www.youtube.com/user/PointlessBlogTv

Zoe Sugg (Zoella) 

Zoe is one of the first YouTubers I ever watched. I love her calm energy and her humor. Although some call her a beauty guru, I would not call her that. Not because she isn't great at the beauty thing but because that's not really what her channel is about, and she is so much more than that. Zoe's videos range from fun tags and challenges to homeware to hauls to beauty. If you want to see an example of a woman running her queendom that's Zoe (runs a lifestyle and beauty line, is a top YouTuber and a best selling author). What's truly inspiring is that Zoe has done so much for herself and her viewers, plus she struggles with anxiety. To me, it's a great reminder that you don't always have to feel amazing to be amazing. https://www.youtube.com/user/zoella280390   https://www.youtube.com/user/MoreZoella

LauraLee 

Laura is such an inspiration, and I am so glad that I came across her channel. Number one, Laura came from nothing. She worked hard, did what she loved and now not only is she a successful YouTuber, but she owns her own brand. Laura is super quirky, funny and relatable. She is endlessly kind, generous and grateful in her day to day life and her channel. While you would go to Laura if you want to get into the world of beauty, you would also go to Laura for her fun energy and her no nonsense attitude. Laura tells it how it is and takes no excuses from anyone. She is the perfect example of building your own empire and crowning yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/user/laura88lee    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8b8jeJgftvh6eDXxgddA-A

Claire Marshall 

Claire's channel is a combination of fashion, beauty, travel and sit down chats, but it is also so much more than that. Claire has kind of fallen off of the YouTube thing, but I still include her because her story is incredible. Claire is so open and vulnerable with her viewers and that is exactly what inspires me. It takes bravery to admit that you're struggling or to open yourself up entirely to the world. Still, Claire keeps moving forward regardless of what's happening in her life. Her channel is great for when you just need to chill or feel like you're not alone. https://www.youtube.com/user/ohhaiclaire

Books that Will Change Your Life

1. You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
2. How to Be a Bawse by Lilly Singh
3. You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
4. Radical Acceptance: Embracing your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

***Warning: these are all self-help books***

Now, I know what you're thinking. It's cheating if you use two books by the same author. Lol, no I'm just kidding. Honestly, I am so thankful that I stumbled across these books when I did. I was in a very dark place in my life when I picked up You are a Badass at Making Money and How To Be a Bawse. I was so broke, I couldn't even afford to buy the books, so I went to Barnes and Noble everyday to read them for hours. Yes, I did feel self-conscious reading books in Barnes and Noble like it was a library, but I kept doing it because damn it, I wanted to read these books. 

I'll try to make this not three hundred pages long and simply say that these books reminded me that I was so much more than I felt. I was feeling low, beaten down, stupid and worthless and these books truly picked me back up. I'm going to give you a very simple breakdown of what the book is about (because the summaries are way better than what I can provide and this isn't a book report), but what I'm going to tell you is what I felt reading these books. Hopefully these books give you the same feeling too.  The list below corresponds with the list above

1. This book was just incredible, and it's just what I needed. Ever since I was younger I dreamt of being an entrepreneur. But, as I grew up I changed my dreams and passion to pursue something I felt was more stable and would allow me to support myself always. I was in a terrible unemployment funk when I decided to go into Barnes and Noble to read this book. It's all about changing your mindset and understanding why you're broke. This book gave me back my confidence and allowed me to go after my entrepreneur dreams wholeheartedly. It's an inspirational book about picking yourself up from the ground, getting clear on what you want and change your mindset about money. 
2. I read this book at the same time that I read you are a badass at making money. It was the perfect combination. One, I love Lilly and admire her so much. Two, I was beginning my journey as an entrepreneur, I would need to know how to be a boss not only in the workplace, but in life. I am now more confident than ever. It's about how to conquer life gracefully by controlling your thoughts and bringing good to the world. 
3. Even as I read the above books I worried that I would lose the fire inside of me, but I trusted that this was my destiny, so I didn't worry about it too much. This book helped with that by giving me more confidence in myself and my abilities, not just my ability to be a successful business woman. Like the title suggests, it's all about how to change your mindset, attitude and circumstances to manifest what you want and be your best self. 
4. A lot of the above is about being in a state of high vibration and clearing your subconscious blocks. I attempted to do this by ignoring all negative emotions, but that didn't work so well. This book helped me accept all of my emotions without becoming my emotions (because that's what the entire book is about. I've felt much happier, lighter and worry free ever since. I highly recommend this if you're feeling numb or overwhelmed by your feelings. 

I hope these books help you out in your journey. No matter what:

Inspirational Quotes for the Quarter life Queen

First, thank you so much to my first time readers and long time readers. I so appreciate your presence in my life and as always hope that you enjoy. 

Second, welcome to the second post of this week of inspiration! Sometimes, I feel at a loss for words, or I just want someone else words to comfort me. These are the quotes that I read or look at nearly everyday. They resonate with my goals and push me to go for what I want. (Look at us getting our vibration on).

I also decided to try something different with this format and make this one that was less text heavy. Let me know what you think. I'm a writer at heart, but I can start to incorporate more of these kinds of blogs onto the Queendom.

Some of my favorite quotes (please, feel free to use these as mantras if that floats your boat). Also huge shoutout to Pinterest. 

-Niyyarah Waheed

Costa Rica, Rome and Dublin

You may be thinking to yourself, girl isn't this what Instagram is for. The answer is yes, but I also have a lot of great memories that I don't post on Instagram. This blog is much more personal and intimate so I feel better posting my best memories on here. Enjoy the prettiness for now and maybe one day I'll add a travel page if it's something you are interested in. 

Words can't describe how much I geeked out over this. This is in Rome and we spent hours roaming the Roman Forum. Really felt like I was back in time.

A beautiful church in Costa Rica and me trying my hand at being artsy

My first active volcano. Also in Costa Rica on my way to the hot springs. Chilling in hot springs by an active volcano was both terrifying, thrilling and relaxing. 

One of my solo trips to Dublin. Such a cozy weekend. 

Songs to Boost Your Mood and Rekindle Your Passion

Most people are really affected by music. A song can change your entire mood. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve found myself sitting all in my feelings and wondering why before I realized that I was listening to sad ass songs all day. And vice versa. If I want to have a good day, then I play good music. So, this post is dedicated to songs that inspire me. In fact, this entire week is dedicated to all of the things that bust my funky moods, remind me of my greatness and rekindle my love for life and my future.

Does it sound like I’m being hella extra? Well, I’m not. These things truly do have this kind of power because I let them have that kind of power. I choose to believe that they can push me towards my goals, so they do.

Control freak who? Look at me learning to let shit go

Without further ado, here are the songs that I listen to when I need to remind myself that I’m a boss (PS I just pressed shuffle on my playlist so this list isn’t arranged in a particular order):

1. Paris by The Chainsmokers

While not my traditional uplifting song, this songs sparks my inner free spirit (gag, did you throw up a little too?), but it’s true. This song reminds me of how much I love traveling, and just makes me feel light hearted. It’s a simple reminder that I’m working towards my goals in part because I want more time to enjoy my life.

My favorite line: “They’ll say you could do anything/ They’ll say that I was clever/ If we go go down then we go down together/ We’ll get away with everything, let’s show them we are better” Gotta love a good chorus.

2. Welcome to New York by Taylor Swift

I didn’t like this song, but then I got really into it. I’m all about honesty, so I’ll straight up say that I usually just listen to my favorite line on repeat for like three minutes before going to the next track. I like this song not only because I am from New York but because it reminds me of that exciting feeling of when you trying something new and feeling invincible. I listen to this song when I feel like I’ll never reach my goals to remind myself of why I started in the first place.

My favorite line: “The lights are so bright, but they never blind me” because I like to pretend that the light is the light of my future.

3.No More Sad Songs by Little Mix

One, this song is just hella catchy. Number two, it’s a great mood booster when I’m feeling like a loser and am caught up in my feelings (you know listening to sad songs and doing what teenage me used to call emotionally hurting myself but most people call wallowing).

My favorite line: “I’m begging please don’t play no more sad songs” (ignore the double negative) haha, bet there were no surprises with this one. Mostly I sing this at the top of my lungs to remind myself to stop fucking playing sad songs and wallowing for no reason. Got to be honest and admit that sometimes I just like the drama of being upset. That attitude isn’t going to get me to my goals and this song is great at busting me.

4.New Americana by Halsey

No long winded explanation, this song is just a catchy song and makes me feel like anything is possible and like success is already mine. Small warning that in some spots it can get a little melancholy but for the most part it’s great.

My favorite line: “Turned dreams into an empire/Self-made success now she rolls with Rockefellers” and also “But we don’t feel like outsiders at all” There is some dispute as to whether the line is rockafellas or Rockefellers. I like the second option.

5.Bounce Back by Big Sean

To me this song is all about getting back up and relentlessly going after your dreams. If I’m throwing myself a pity party and feeling ungrateful about my situation, I just put this song on. In general it makes me feel like a badass bitch and makes my vision of my future clearer.

My favorite line: “Faith of a mustard seed I kept growing/ I knew that this life was meant for me” Shocker it’s a line that’s not in the chorus. Of all of the songs on this list this one makes me feel the most like a boss.

BONUS:

Feeling Myself Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. No explanation needed.

I have a playlist called boss up with over twenty songs, but I only chose five because otherwise this post would be twenty pages long. Let me know what songs inspire you because I’m always looking for new music. Until then, I hoped you enjoy and I will see you next time.

Self-Compassion and Binge eating

Some of you may know this, some of you may not. I used to weigh over 200 pounds. Then I went to college and lost fifty or so pounds in a year. At my lightest, I was 150 pounds (a weight that I hadn't been since I was a child). This was a great time for me because I was saving money, felling great, dedicated to my health and fitness and just determined to live a better life. These last few months have been hard, and I have recently found myself doing something that I hadn't done in a long time: binge eating.

I find myself trying to numb my feelings with food, and that's just not how that works. I don't want to develop an unhealthy relationships with food, so I'm working on catching myself and stopping there. The problem is of course that I often catch myself eating without realizing it. I say that I don't believe in willpower, I believe in why power and the one area of my life that I really struggle to implement that is my health and fitness. I genuinely enjoy eating, so stopping myself from eating when I'm not hungry is a challenge. I have a pit for a stomach, and I can eat and eat, but I'm small and I gain weight and bloat easily so I end up hating myself for how I look. Plus, as much as I love food, it doesn't serve me if I'm not hungry.

And this hate has everything to do with seeing my weight gain as a failure of my willpower. A reflection of my laziness and a loss of control. And like any self-deprecation, I don't feel the same way about this when it comes to other people. You may have seen this already, but I have this thing about strength. I hate feeling weak, and that's because some aspect of my foundation is weak: My self-worth.

I've watched endless videos about how to stop binge eating, but the truth is that I need to work on that on my own. I know what my reasons are, so I just need to address them. For now, the biggest challenges that I am issuing myself are

1. Treat myself with compassion
2. Be in the moment and feel all of my emotions fully
3. Stop binge eating because it doesn't serve my purpose

That's right ya'll I'm still determined to grow through all of my struggles. My personal development hustle never stops because even when I pause everything and do absolutely nothing, I'm mindful about why I'm doing and what I'm hoping to accomplish. Future me is full of compassion, so present me will work on being full of compassion as well and that includes compassion for myself. 

Until next time babes. 

Who you are and Knowing your worth

Girl,

Am I fucking crazy? I can barely pay my rent (as in I'm short hundreds of dollars) and here I am turning down job offers. Why am I doing that?

The answer is Easy: bosses don't take things out of desperation.

I am confident that what I am looking for will come and I know that what I am being offered is not. This is my number one tip to you. It can be easy to take a job that refuses to pay you your worth because you just need some kind of income. Heck, I was tempted many times, but I didn't because I knew it would derail me, make me resentful and just overall kill all of the positive energy that I strive to put out.

Do not take less than what you are willing to accept! This sends mixed messages to the universe, lowers your energy and in general will not get you closer to your goals. When I agree to take an offer of 30,000 I'm slapping myself in the fucking face and I'm not going to do that. You love yourself, you know your worth, so stick to your guns.

Now full disclaimer, I have a part-time job that pays well and that I am happy with. I took this job because it was exactly in the field I wanted to go into, recognized my worth and would allow me to grow. It's been great, but I know it's time to move on to bigger dreams. I know I am blessed in this regard, so by every means accept a part-time job that you love! But never forget what you are worth and don't feel stupid/guilty for rejecting offers that don't align with your dreams and your interests.

With those words, I leave you with this Moana image because that right there is an example of knowing yourself and following your dreams.

Lost in the struggle: Finding the light when everything around you looks dark

Is it okay to feel depressed when you are trying to raise your vibrational frequency? How do you escape a loop of negativity? Is planning for the worst something you shouldn't do even as you struggle to pay your bills?

These are all questions that I have been asking myself and I struggle to find the stopping point between self improvement and self care. Does pausing my hustle mean that positive things stop coming to me?

Girl, I wish I knew the answer, but like most things here, I'm just going to tell you what I'm doing and we'll find out later whether or not that worked for me. It is now almost halfway through November and I am contemplating bankruptcy. The largest part of me says that I can keep fighting on and come out on the other side stronger. The smaller part of me says bankruptcy could be the chance to get a clean start. Where in this chaotic loop do I find my inner light and the light of the universe. What is my instinct telling me, and is that the right choice? This blog post is quickly becoming a bunch of questions. But if any of these questions resonate with you, you are not alone.

All of these questions that I am asking myself come from this desire to hold on to control because I'm trying to see the future and control the storm. I can't control the fucking storm, I can only control me, but I can't tell what controlling me looks like. I'm trying to respond to my situation, not react to it, but I don't know if I should be responding at all.

My crown is feeling a little wobbly right now, but for anyone else out there who is struggling and trying to stay positive, know that your crown never falls far. If it falls off, pick it up, put it back on and keep it moving.

The whole point of this blog is that I'm feeling lost, and I am trying to understand the lesson and where I am going wrong. I almost feel buried in suffering, but I can see the light. I don't know what kind of struggle you are going through or how it's making you feel. All I can say that is helping me stay strong is that you are part of the universe, don't victimize yourself or place your worth in the hands of anything else. Things will get better and as hard as it is to see you will grow from this.

I'm reading Radical Acceptance and something that really helped was this idea that suffering is not your own, you are simply holding it for the Universe. So embrace it, accept it, grow and know that something better will come along.

Pinterest Quote of the day:

"One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn't fall apart." -Said by I wish I knew.

At War: The Fight Between Your Heart, Your Soul and Your Mind

How do you know when you’re making the right decision? What happens when your gut, your heart and your head don’t agree?

This is where I am now. There are some things in my life that I am very sure about at the moment.

1. My worth and how much I want to get paid
2. What my empire and best life look like
3. That I’m a boss
4. That I have a lot to be grateful for

Now, I am at a crossroads in my life. I have applied to over 70 jobs, and still the job that I envision has not come my way. I trust that the job exists with everything that I’m looking for including pay, but I’m not sure that it’s in Philly.

And this is where we come to the issue. I decided to stay in Philly out of comfort. I liked the city, loved my apartment and put a lot of effort into creating a stable home for myself. But, in my head I always pictured living by the beach in California, but treated that like a fantasy I would eventually get to. California is where I see my empire and where I always am when I imagine my best life. That’s my brain and my gut speaking.

Then there’s my heart which desires comfort. I have formed a lot of attachments in this region. It’s where I settled, where my friends are and where my family is. This is where I have invested the most energy, so naturally my heart has an attachment. Anytime I think about leaving, I freeze up with fear and I become confused because fear also triggers my gut, and my mind to enter survival mode. I think what am I thinking leaving everything I’ve ever known to move to a state where I know no one and have nothing but dreams of a better future?

So, how do I know what’s right? I’m a big believer in trusting your intuition, but what do you do when you are being pulled in three different directions.

I was excited by the prospect of moving to California before fear kicked in. I calculated how much I would need, where I would live and how often I would come to visit my family. I pictured the career I would have, the car I would drive, the friends I would have and even what I would do on the weekends. I could see it all so clearly, and to me, that’s my sign that this is my path.

I’m scared as fuck to do it, but I have made a decision. Of course, I remain open to what the Universe has in store for me, but I can see it for a reason, so I have begun to apply to jobs in California. I don’t think I’m going to move till August but I’m not closing that door.

So what do you do when you are at war with yourself? Ask the most important question: is this war being caused by fear of the unknown? If so, in the words of Jen Sincero, let fear be your compass. I’m making this leap with faith that this is what I should do. And hey, if I go, and for some reason I don’t like it at least I won’t have to ask myself what if.

You absolutely must sing this line like Ellie Goulding

Staying Brave in the Face of Uncertainty

We interrupt this hustle to bring you some gratitude

Week one of my journey is complete, and I can’t wait to start week 2. I am happy to report that I have three interviews set up this week, and I am excited to see which job comes to me. I already know what I’m looking for in a job, what the most important aspects are and what makes it the perfect job. The only thing I don’t know is what job it will be.

Everyday I fall more in love with my mission and I know that this life is meant for me. I want to be the giant that I know that I am. Building an empire isn’t easy, but I will do it. I am so grateful that I decided to take this path in my early twenties and not later. I am inspired and grateful everyday, and even my problems are minimal in the face of my blessings.

But, staying brave in the face of uncertainty takes work. It’s simple to change my mindset and rewire my brain, but it takes consistent, conscious effort. I still hear that little voice inside of me that doubts my path, but I don’t listen to it. That voice is the one that seeks the comfort of the familiar and going back is not an option.

Here is what has helped me thus far:

1. Always listening to inspiring podcasts and songs. Their positivity helps me stay positive. Blog post with the specifics to come
2. Telling everyone about my goals (but not all of them. It’s important to keep some things to yourself). Doing this keeps me accountable because people will expect results and that forces me to deliver.
3. Visualizing my goals everyday: what do I want? Why? What does it look like?
4. Not wanting to reach the end of my life and think I could have been so much more. #noregretshere
5. Believing that what I want exists or else I wouldn’t think to want it.

Keeping Your Slay Even While Eating Beans Out of a Can

Let me say this: Needlessly suffering isn’t noble.

I started my job search with optimism. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but I thought I wanted to work in International programs or student affairs and knew that I wanted 60,000, would take 52,000 and could survive with 47,0000. Now, where did I go wrong?

There was way too much negotiation in that, and as time went on, and I still didn’t have a job, my standards went from this is what I want, to please, I’ll take anything. Nothing pushes success away like desperation. I started to believe that my life was a struggle and that I wouldn’t get any job that I applied to. Whenever I submitted an application, I imagined getting the job and then this voice inside of me would be like don’t be cocky, you’re not getting this job and I would listen to that instead! Like what the actual fuck was wrong with me? I was so desperate that I thought I was being humble by listening to that inner hater.

Probs the Universe when I lowered my worth for no damn reason:

Needlessly struggling isn’t noble. Save the drama for the big screen, not for your life.

My mindset created my reality. I believed I was suffering so I did. I wanted the job, but told myself I wouldn’t get it, so I didn’t. All of my negativity sent a big’ ol message to the Universe that this was how things were going to go and so that’s how things went.

Well no fucking more. Who did I think I was trying to knock off my own crown? No negotiations, I want 60,000 dollars and I’m going to get it. I’m not only going to get it, I’m going to get it because I said so. Because I decided that my life is filled with prosperity and wealth and joy and love. It’s time to retake the throne and stick to my guns.

I still work hard to get to my goal, but I’m clearer about what I want, why and by when. I don’t throw all of my energy into one job and instead work smarter by tailoring cover letters, not completely rewriting them.

I don’t apply to jobs out of desperation. I don’t apply to a position that I would hate because I can kind of scrape by doing it. I apply to positions that will help me build my empire. I apply to positions that excite me, and I allow myself to be excited by them. I’m such a badass with mad skills, resilience, determination and leadership. Why wouldn’t I have multiple job offers by the end of the week?

Now this annoying little voice inside of me has doubts and fights out of a misguided attempt to protect me. I know I have so much greatness inside of me, so I’m letting that win over the BS (thanks Jen Sincero). And to that voice inside of me that says I can’t, I say: ACTUALLY, I CAN!