Addressing the fear of being a leader

 

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

Wow, these past couple of months have been quite the journey. I experimented with a number of things and honestly have just been diving deep into the world of my own shadow. I realized a lot of things about how I treat myself, how I treat others and how I allow others to treat me. 

I have always said that the spiritual, soul expanding journey is not always rainbows and sunshine. That sometimes doing the inner work means that you are going to have to grieve who you have been, step into who you have not been and be willing to release what no longer works. But the thing is, we are conditioned to ignore what doesn't work. We tell ourselves that's just how life works, that's just how relationships work, that's just the way it is for me. This an old tool of the patriarchy which has now fallen away.

It's how it is for us in our individual lives because that's what we believe we deserve. I am specifically talking about what we think is possible for us and about relationships. Moving forward I want to use this blog as a space for me to explore my own journey, not necessarily to directly teach and coach. I do that in my programs, in my one-on-one coaching and on my social media platforms. If you are looking for the lesson, the takeaway and tips on starting your own expansion journey, start there. 

So, my Karma number is 4. Which means that I have a problem with authority.  I have always hated anyone telling me what to do, how to do it and then saying it's because I have to. This is not my first incarnation and my soul knows bullshit when it senses it. But until recently, I did not acknowledge that I also had an issue with myself as an authority. I shy away from any positions of power and tend to take a step back. Which is ironic because I am the CEO of my own company, run a podcast and coach hundreds of women. My life path number is 8, which is the role of the abundant healer. In this lifetime, I was always meant to pay off my karmic debt by being called into the roles of the leader.

What that means for me in real world contexts is that I waiver a lot. I want success, and I know on every level that I can have it. I have achieved it in many ways, but it never feels like I am there, because I know I am suppressing my own desire to lead. Simply because I am afraid of success and what success may demand of me. Like so many women that I work with, I too have the fear of what if this works, but I am not able to handle it? Unwilling to open myself up to mass scrutiny, afraid of what it means to manage employees and millions of dollars and worried that I will be so overwhelmed that I will cease to enjoy my own life. What is the point of success if I can't enjoy it?

But I can't stop thinking about my dream life. I can't stop thinking about what me accomplishing my dreams would do for my family, for my friends and for my clients. I also think about my death, and how my spirit would feel if once again, I let my fears stop me from doing what I have always wanted to do. I am being called to lead, and although that is fucking terrifying, I continue to show up and do it.

In this chapter of my life, I want to ease my foot off the brakes and remove the cap I have put on my own success. Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am the one holding myself back. And so I am setting out to get out of my own way.

Much Love Always,

Shar

Confidence, Authenticity and the Courage to Be Yourself

 Hello My Beautiful Queen,

Confidence is not arrogance and believing that you are the shit. It has nothing to do with your ego. In the spiritual world we often hear about the ego and overcoming the ego. Then we think back to psychology and we think of the ego, like being egotistical, or arrogant. Believing that you are the center of the universe.

Nah queen, not what we are talking about. See, the ego gets this terrible reputation as this thing that is out to destroy your life. Or the thing that if not checked, will turn you into a narcissistic maniac. It is neither of those things. The ego is the voice inside of you that tells you you aren't good enough. That you can't have what you want and questions who the fuck you think you are when you dare to shine your light and live your best life. I know it's hard to believe, but the ego does all of this in an attempt to protect you from the unknown. It also does a whole lot more than that in relation to your soul expansion and the creation of your reality. But queen, I teach all of this in Connected and to be honest with you, if I explained all of this, this would turn out to be a very different post. I just want to establish what the ego is so we are all on the same page.

With that said, people, and especially folx that identify as women, have been conditioned to believe that they should be small. That being confident in yourself is a dangerous thing because you'll turn into this being with no awareness of anyone but themselves, will do whatever you need to do to be happy, and in general won't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. That as womxn, we should be small and unseen and unheard. That if we are too loud and outspoken, people will think that we are bitches, that we are not attractive and that we will end up alone forever. Yeah, fuck the patriarchy for that shit and whenever you hear that voice, remind yourself that this is what society wants you to believe and it feels like shit because it is not true.

When you believe that being confident means being a bitch, you are creating a false dichotomy. You understand, that being confident in yourself is the key to giving yourself permission to be authentic. And authenticity is what attracts your ideal relationships and the kind of success that you crave. But my queen, if there is a clash in your values and definition of confidence, you are never going to feel safe enough to be confident in who you are and how you show up.

This is something I have worked through and something I continue to help my clients work through. If your core value is compassion, kindness and understanding, and your definition of confidence includes not giving a fuck what other people think, you are going to reject the idea of being confident. Because subconsciously, you hold the belief that embodying this will mean losing your sense of compassion and awareness. 

To reframe this, you have to make it safe to be the center of your own universe. You have to make it safe to be confident. You must understand that being your authentic self and showing up confidently does not mean that you stop caring about other people. It doesn't mean that you stop caring about the issues you have always cared about or you start stepping on others to get to where you want to go. Because insecure is not what fuels you to be this compassionate person. You simply are this compassionate person, and confidence in yourself cannot change that.

Being the center of your own universe, does not mean that everyone else disappears. Queen, I have news for you. If confidence turns you into an asshole, it's not because you are confident. You were always just an asshole. Confidence is not a scary thing and does NOT have the power to turn you into something that you are not.

To step into the ability to be confident and learn how to show up as your authentic self, you must first understand how you currently define confidence and whether or not that definition of confidence conflicts with who you want to be.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Hidden Link Between Authenticity and Belonging

Hello My Beautiful Queen!

My bad. I have been feeling such a call to post on instagram, and if you don't follow me (@quarter.life.queens), then it has been almost a month since you have heard from me. I am recording a podcast episode for the QLQ podcast all about what has been going on my life, how I am evolving and what I have learned in this chapter of my life and my business. At the root of this post, we're going to explore how confidence affects your entire life. 

I want to talk to you about something I was helping one of my clients work through recently. See, she had a story that I held for a long time. Which was if I was truly confident, I would have to be a bitch. Because confident people don't care about what other people think and aren't aware of how their presence affects other people. Of course, we can consciously acknowledge that doesn't make sense and can think of at least a few people who are confident and incredibly compassionate. But when it comes to subconscious beliefs, it just doesn't work like that. 

Cause queen, your subconscious is big daddy, and when it teams up with your basic needs for survival, it's a big hitter. And well love, the desire and need to belong is at its root a survival instinct and basic human need. When you believe that in order to belong, you have to be well liked, that is going to become the core of your identity. And if you were excluded before, well queen, that's going to turn into some people pleasing tendencies and make it so you and your comfort are always come last.

I'm just going to be blunt. If you don't respect yourself, people are going to have a hard time respecting you. If you don't love yourself, it will be hard for other people to truly love you because you don't allow them to see you, or get close enough to try. If you don't put yourself first, then you will be second place to everyone. When you show up in the energy of please use me because that is all that I have to offer, then people will do so. Not because they are terrible, but because that is the energy you are available for. That is the story that you have, and so your subconscious mind gets to work and makes sure that you find yourself with the people and in the situations that confirm your beliefs to be true.

Want to shift that? You need to dream a different dream and get some new beliefs. So much of business and life requires you to show up authentically. If at the core of your self, you don't believe that you are a worthy person and that you're not good enough, you are not going to want other people to see that. So authenticity is going to be really fucking hard because you are not confident in yourself and you don't truly know who you are. Being authentic will be really fucking hard because you don't WANT people to see you. Somewhere along the way, you learned that it was safer to hide in the shadows. To be who you think you need to be to meet that basic need to belong. 

But my love, you will always have a group of people that you belong with. When you try to conform to who you think you need to be, it just ensures that you will always feel like the outsider. Because you are forcing yourself to fit in with a group that doesn't align with who you are.

Give yourself some love and compassion and have the grace to listen. Because underneath all that shame and fear is your inner goddess waiting to shine her life and claim her bold and beautiful reality. My queen, this is the kind of work that I specialize in. As I finish this round of coaching with my current clients, I have two one-on-one spots coming available for align coaching.

Much Love, Always, 

Shar

How to Make the Right Investments In Yourself

 

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

It has been a while, but today I want total to you about investments. More specifically making the right investments. I have no shame in admitting that I have invested thousands of dollars in myself. Because I understand that I am the creator of my reality, I am committed to my own expansion and I am dedicated to living the life I came here to live, not the one society chose for me.

I have felt confident and proud of every investment that I have made. But I know this isn't the case for everyone. I know many people who invest and then say that wasn't worth it. Today I want to talk about that. There's a trend that I notice, that I am really not happy with. People investing for the wrong reasons. So often people invest to escape their pain, but that's not what I am talking about here. I am talking about people investing in the "logical" investment.

I am talking about people investing in money mindset and business strategy courses because they think it will solve all of their problems. See, money and struggling in your business are deeper problems. As Tony Robbins says, business is a spiritual game. If something isn't working, your business is sure as hell going to force you to look within and ask yourself why. You might hear your inner voice saying things like the market is oversaturated, I'm not likable enough, if this doesn't work right now then it was never meant for me. 

Then we run to address the symptom. We jump into the money mindset courses because surely we are repelling the money and if we could just get this down we could be millionaires. We jump into the business strategy courses because if we had the right information that everyone but us seems to know, then our business will be successful and we will finally feel seen and respected and good enough. Yet that is not how that works, love. These things are symptoms and nothing in this world will give you what you are not willing to give yourself.

So when you invest in a course because it makes logical sense and you think it will miraculously change your entire life, I have to give you the reality check that you are the one that changes your life. The courses you invest in, the products that you purchase, the coaches that you hire. They are all simply guiding you to what already exists within yourself. They are pointing you in the right direction, but you are the healer of yourself. 

Let me be clear that money mindset courses are amazing. Business strategy courses are amazing. They have tons of value and I have invested in many of them myself. But self-investment must always come from the right place. Invest in a money mindset course because you want to understand and heal your relationship with money, not because you think the course will make you a millionaire or make money fall from the sky. Invest in business strategy courses because you want to know the information and improve your business, not because you think the course will make your business succeed faster and suddenly make you worthy.

If deep down you know that the real problem is that you feel like shit about yourself, you're worried that other people don't admire you, you are trying to prove something, or you doubt that you can create the life that you truly want, then, sis, stop fucking trying to logic your way out. No money mindset course or business strategy course is going to do that for you because that is not what they are meant to do. You really want to unlock your abundance? You really want to stop feeling so much pressure in your business? You want to stop holding yourself back and comparing yourself to other people? You want to stop caring about what other people think? Then you need to stop avoiding the inner work. 

How can you heal your life if you are not willing to heal yourself?

Feminine Energy and the Energy Of Receiving

Photo by MAX LIBERTINE on Unsplash

Hello My Beautiful Queens,

Happy Friday! I am getting over what I hope was a cold and not strep throat. I finally reached a point where I truly felt comfortable with my vision and mission. I have built my business and success completely from a place of flow. I truly do not believe that hard work is the true secret to success and wealth. And I am here to help you create your success from a well-balanced place. I am here to show you that it can be as easy as you allow it to be. We all know plenty of people who work harder than anyone else we know and still struggle financially. Plus let's not promote the narrative that people are poor because they don't work as hard as others. 

Before you get your pitchforks out, I am not saying that if you are successful, you did not work hard for it. But I am saying that your hard work alone is not the reason you are successful. You had to have believed you could do it, been brave enough to fail and try again, and actually have had the courage to start. You have to have been willing to succeed and not been afraid of that success and what it means for you. Because if hard work was truly all it took, then everyone would be rich as fuck.

However, Babe, I am here to help you unlock the codes for your birthright to abundance--yes the law of abundance is a real thing. So many people have been told that the reason someone else has so much money and success is because they worked hard for it. That is what the patriarchy has conditioned you to believe and that is what capitalism has you perpetuate. Do you ever notice that people often say I worked really hard to get here out of some need to justify their success? You know, lest someone think they didn't earn it.

But when someone tells you they worked hard for the success they have and they do not actually tell you what they did, they shroud their success in mystery and so they close the door for acces. You don't know the strategies they used, the network they leveraged, the people they spoke to, the hours they worked, the energy they healed, the limiting beliefs the conquered, how many times they failed etc...

So you go out. You work hard, you promote yourself and you look around and ask what the fuck? Why isn't this working? Eventually, you give up and say this must not be meant for me. LOL, I don't think so, babe. Not on my watch. You have been taught that the masculine is more powerful and valuable than the feminine. That is why you go out and get but don't stop to receive it. That is why you try to force things to work, ignore your own needs, and just keep pushing, then have the nerve to call yourself lazy for valuing your own need for rest.

Queen, success is not just about getting. Success requires your ability to receive. And for you to receive you must believe both that you are worthy of your desire and that the accomplishment of your desire will not take anything away from you--more on that later. If you do not value your feminine energy (everyone has both and it has nothing to do with gender or gender identity), your intuition, and what you truly feel inspired to do, then you are not available to receive. The only place you're going to be running to is the ground. Even if you do manage to find some level of success by continuously pushing yourself, it won't be sustainable because you can't spend your life exhausted and stressed out. That's not what you want anyway. 

I'm going to leave you with this. What you believe to be true is always going to be true for you. It will become part of your reality. If you believe that you must run yourself into the ground to be successful, then that is what it will take. If you believe that success can be fun and easy and you can be successful just by being yourself, then so it is.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Breaking Through Limitations: On Stepping Into Your True Power and Fulfulling Your Dreams

 

I grew up with a lot of people telling me what was and was not possible for my life

Even then, child me knew bullshit when she saw it and she refused to allow other people’s limitations limit her

Looking back, I recognize that child me was very aware that she created her own reality and she had a lot more power than society wanted her to believe

Unfortunately, repetition got to her. It led her to doubt herself but also resent that doubt. It led her to begin to hide her power away because clearly, the level of confidence, certainty, and optimism she had for her vision of the future was not okay. Was not “realistic”

She grew into teenage me, who decided that maybe people were right and she should just do what she was told. Then she grew into young adult me, who said fuck that shit, I’m shooting big, but only in the container. Instead of running a business (which is clearly very difficult and almost impossible for someone of my background--insert eye roll here), I’ll be the director of an office (I worked in Higher Ed).

She was so determined to prove people wrong. To have abundance and a level of success people told her would not be possible for her. She wanted to the nice car, the nice salary, the “good” job, so she could say fuck you, I did it anyway. But what she really longed for was validation. She wanted to kind of life that was impressive (even if it wasn’t authentic to who she was).

Then the Universe guided her back. I came to realize that those dreams I had as a child belonged to me for a reason. That I was powerful--as is everyone, and it was no coincidence that society tries to convince us otherwise.

I did create the business. I chose to believe that everything I wanted was possible and became a woman I could be proud of. And at the end of the day, that is what matters. I was chasing the life that was most impressive. I was trying to work within the parameters of “realistic” that society set out for me. But the only person I needed to impress was me. At the end of the day trying to impress everyone only leads to a life that looks good, but feels like shit because it is not authentic to you

I will leave you with a piece of advice that the child version of me really wanted to hear. Anyone who sets out to limit you (consciously or not), does not have your best intentions in mind. People who limit others really are just projecting their own limitations and perceptions of reality onto you. You can help others expand by choosing to step into your own expansion.

Speaking of expansion, my One-on-One 60-minute coaching intensives are now available! This is an hour where we identify your resistance, give you the tools to clear it, and help you break through your next level! If you are sitting here and you know that you are ready to unlock a new level of abundance or finally hit that goal you have been striving for years, then I am speaking to you directly. It is time for you to rise into that new level of abundance. You are feeling the call to this new level because it is ready and available for you. You are just holding yourself back. This call is specifically designed to help you break through that wall. 

Are you ready to reclaim your power and rise? If so, shoot me an email hello@quarterlifequeens.com or reach out on instagram (@quarter.life.queens) and we can get you set up with your breakthrough call

Is Your Gut Feeling Always Right?

Hello, My Beautiful Queens and Happy Monday,

I have dedicated the month of September to my inner healing. I was falling into old habits of comparison and slipping into a state of pressure. I just started to feel like I was behind and that I was not doing enough, and that I was not enough. I allowed myself several weeks to sit with this before I made the decision to hire a coach--hands down one of my best decisions.

Part of that healing has been giving myself permission to sit in the "mess." To witness what rises within me and allow that to serve its purpose in my expansion and enhancing my self-awareness. As a business owner, the scariest decision I made was deciding to step back from the constant flow of creation and promotion. I decided to allow my spirit to lead and that I would only post when I genuinely had something to say. Risky as a business, but I run a heart-centered, soul led brand and so I knew that I had to take this leap because I promote being kind to yourself and giving yourself what you need. And what I really needed was to take a step back. 

With that out of the way, I want to talk to you about your guides. On my Instagram and in my mindset and manifestation community, I spoke about guides and why you are attracted to certain coaches and courses. The right person shows up at the right time with the right message. That is not a coincidence. Your soul incarnated with these other souls, and they know when you are ready, so they show up in the right chapter of your life to propel you forward. They are there to aid you in your expansion. Your conditioning might lead you to fear or doubt, but that call is coming from your soul, not some fancy marketing scheme.

HOWEVER, what I did not have the space to explain in that post, was that the call sometimes feels like it is coming from your soul when it is NOT. First, all experiences will aid you in your soul expansion, just some experiences will aid in your soul expansion in extremely painful ways, especially if you answered the call that came from your unhealed self and not your soul.

Sometimes we feel this strong pull and this strong call. We think that our souls are guiding us to this and that very well may be true. But deep down we're feeling this gut fear response. More than this is new and scary, but this maybe isn't the right feeling. For you to know the difference, you have to have a pretty good understanding of yourself, your past, your wounds, your needs, and your insecurities. It's why shadow work is a huge part of the work I do with my clients.

When our needs are not being met, and we are not aware of this, we can find ourselves longing. Frustratingly, we often find ourselves longing without any real awareness of what we are longing for. That's the I just want more, but I don't know more of what. And then we feel bad for wanting more out of life and wonder if this desire is normal.  If this desire links back to a need that we feel was not met as a child, then we are in some deeper territory, because this is now in your subconscious space. As we know, a lot of the creation of your reality comes from your subconscious minds

That is when we find ourselves drawn to people, places, or situations that are not the path of least resistance. Which is to say, we find ourselves in the painful growth. The kind that happens when you are forced to look at your shit because you are in a situation that is fucking shitty. 

For me, this often manifested in money troubles. As a child, I craved love, acceptance, and belonging. I did not grow up in a very affectionate family, and so I felt the most love when people bought me stuff. We didn't have money, so when someone bought me something, they always communicated that it was a sacrifice--we'll talk about how that mentality showed up later.

As an adult then, when I did not feel loved, understood, or accepted, I turned to spending money. I would buy things that I felt called to. But often I felt called to them because I hoped it would fill some void inside of me. This led to my money consciousness expansion and my dedication to treating the energy of money with love and respect, but only after ending up in SEVERAL  really shitty money situations.

In this case, the call was not coming from my soul, it was coming from an unmet need and a subconscious belief from my inner child who believed that money and stuff=love. Adult me loves money and stuff but knows that money and stuff DOES NOT equal love.

This is why soul expansion work is so important. Yes, the call often does come from your soul, but you need to have a deeper awareness of where that call is truly coming from. Because my love, here's a little secret. Your ego can mimic the voice of your intuition. For you to create the kind of life you dream of and manifest all that you desire, you need to be connected with yourself and understand your powers as a creator. This works best when you also know your darkness so when you feel the call, you know with certainty that the call comes from your intuition.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

How to Come Out of A Downward Emotional Spiral with Grace

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Monday. Man has it been one heck of a ride. The universe has been challenging me to learn a lesson I am usually too stubborn to learn and that is to forgive myself and to hold my vision for the future. 

When the universe wants to teach you something as part of your expansion, that ish can hurt. It brought up a lot of emotional turmoil and difficult feelings that I had to confront. This was simply part of my expansion. But in doing so, I was reminded of the beauty of the emotional scale (just look up emotional scale Abraham Hicks and you will be able to find it). 

So often when we are feeling low and we actively believe that we are the creators of our reality, we can subconsciously begin to worry that our low vibrational states will begin to create low vibrational experiences. But of course, this is not really true. Our emotions are part of our human experience and our human experiences are part of our soul expansion and our intentions in incarnating.

For that reason, it is so important that we allow our emotions to serve us in the ways they are meant to. Yet some of us are prone to emotional intensity and are so familiar with it, that we unintentionally seek out emotional intensity and subconsciously choose to exist in that state for longer than we need to--I am speaking of "bad" moods here, NOT mental health.

After a lot of introspection, I have also accepted that I am very comfortable with emotional intensity and sometimes stick with the low emotional states longer than I am meant to. Hello, downward spiral.

But once you catch yourself in this downward spiral, you are able to make the decision to spiral upwards and choose again. Which brings us back to the emotional scale. When we are in pain, it is our natural inclination to just want to jump over it. If we also actively work on manifestation, we can believe that our low emotional states are not an invitation to expand, but rather a sign that we are out of alignment. And the unconfronted and unhealed parts of our ego then push us to run away from those low emotions as quickly as possible bu jumping into joy, light, and love.

However, what I want to remind you of is that it is safe for you to feel your emotions. No emotion is negative and if you are stuck in that negative spiral and doubting your self worth, please seek out support in whatever ways feel good to you and serve your highest good. I also want you to read up and learn more about the emotional scale. 

When you are feeling low, reach for the next emotion above it that you feel you can lean into. For me, I was able to move from despair into frustration, then frustration into disappointment and disappointment into contentment. And with each move up the emotional scale, the next emotion becomes easier to reach. Before you know it, you will be able to organically reach your upward spiral and gracefully come into alignment. You do not have to leap across the emotional scale into joy and give yourself the grace to embrace who you are fully--even when it is difficult.

Much Love Always,

Shar

Does CBD Actually Help with Anxiety?

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

This post does contain affiliate links

Happy Friday! Today we have a special post because I am talking to you about my journey with CBD. I have been very open and honest about my struggles with generalized anxiety. It is something that I have always dealt with, but as I entered the working world and started my own business, I knew that I needed to find a way to support myself. After doing some research about CBD and anxiety, it was something I was considering, but never actually tried.

To be frank, there are times when the anxiety is really high. I work full-time, and I also have very high expectations for myself which do lead me to force myself to work on QLQ, when perhaps I should take a break. Anxiety is something that I have dealt with for my whole life. But what I find difficult is the daily low thrum of anxiety.

My heart is always beating just a bit too quickly and in the back of my mind, I can feel that I am anxious about something. LOL to be honest that is the most annoying part of my anxiety disorder. It's being anxious and having no idea what I am anxious about. You all know that I believe in learning from your emotional states and using your feelings to help you understand what is really going on.

But sometimes your girl just needs to get shit done. There are days and times when I just don't have the time to be worried. If I am launching a course, the most important thing to me is being able to stay in a high vibrational space because I am welcoming people into my domain and holding space for that transformation. For me to do that, my energy needs to be clean and anxiety really doesn't help.

It was actually in my second lanch that my anxiety reached its height. At that point, we had been in quarantine for about 5 weeks, and I was really starting to feel it. It got to the point where I could barely function. I knew that I had to do something because I honestly felt like I was being destroyed by the anxiety.

So, I decided to try CBD and just see if it worked. I did my research on popular brands and made the decision to try Sunday Scaries. Here's my honest review of the Sunday Scaries CBD supplements. It was honestly so helpful with just allowing me to get through my workday and not feel like my anxiety was trying to crush me. What CBD really helped me with was helping slow down that racing feeling and just bring more clarity to my thoughts. In the simplest terms, it helped soothe the franticness of my everyday world. If you're curious, I used the gummy bears. Later on, I also used the rainbow jerky which is good AF and so useful for that low thrum anxiety.

CBD isn't for everyone. And that is completely okay. It was the introduction of CBD in my life that helped me feel like I was back in control. Yesterday was world CBD and to celebrate, Sunday Scaries is offering 25% off site wide this weekend. The sale ends TODAY. If you have ever been curious about CBD and you want to try it, this weekend is a great time to jump on that sale girl.

You can use the Sunday Scaries coupon code CBD25 for 25% off this weekend, or the code QLQLOVE20 for 20% off your order anytime. I love you all lots and I will see you next time.

Shop Sunday Scaries

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Overcoming the Temptation to Quit

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

It has been a while since we last spoke. It's not a coincidence that my last post was on July 19th-exactly 3 days after I started my new position. If you listen to the QLQ podcast, then you know that this job is part of a much larger manifestation for me and I am so excited.

But I'll talk about that in a later post. Today, I just want to be honest with you. When I first left my job in January, I knew that it was something I would eventually come back to (the working world that is). The months that followed were some of the best of my life. Filled with fun, freedom, and flexibility the likes of which I hadn't experienced since summer break was a thing.

Yet June and much of July were some of the hardest months of my life and that is because I knew that something fundamental within me was shifting. I could almost feel myself peeling back the layers. To kick off this journey I started with shadow work--something I will talk about in a later post. QLQ is an extension of me and my own spiritual journey. Through my own experiences and connection with the divine, I lovingly lead those who are called. That is why it is so important for me to practice what I preach.

If you are not new to QLQ, then you will have heard me say that the inner work is not easy and there will be many times in your life when giving up is extremely tempting. This is why your why is so important. I will openly admit to you that once I started my job and even the weeks leading up to my start date, it was very tempting to give up on QLQ. Not in the sense of abandoning it, because I would never do that. But in the sense of not treating it like a business anymore. To just let it be something I come back to only when I feel called.

Running a business is not for everyone, and I will not lie to you and tell you that it's not way more comforting to have a steady paycheck. It was easy to just think well I don't need to work as hard on this because I already have another source of revenue. I was stressed and felt lost in the darkness of my own shadow, so when the temptation to stop came up, I knew what I had to do.

I had to treat myself with kindness and compassion. It had to be okay for me to take a break and reflect before I redirected. I also had to remind myself that I did not turn QLQ into a business for me. It is a part of my higher calling and the role I chose to take on in this lifetime. I also remind myself that if I gave up now, I would deeply regret it and a few years down the line, I would have wished that I had just stayed with it.

I am still giving myself this love and compassion, and I am using this time to learn the lessons that feel most prominenet for me. In giving myself, I am reconnecting with my own passion and what is truly important to me. It is a journey, but I feel a lot more steady in myself. Posts will come more regularly, but for now this is what was on my heart.

I love you all lots and I will see you in my next post.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Why Traditional Goal Setting Don't Work For Me

This is a little bit weird for me to write, and that's because the subject matter is so sensitive. This post has been sitting in my drafts for over 2 months, and I keep feeling called to write it, but I just don't. Procrastination much?

The best I can do in this post is, to be honest. Please keep in mind that I am speaking only to my experiences, and what goes through my own mind. First, let's start with the obvious.

I run a business. Running a business means having goals for both myself and for the business. This is usually done in quarters to make sure that I am on target to achieve what I would like to achieve. I have always been honest with you about my anxiety, how I manage it, and the ways it still shows up in my life. But something I have never shared with you is my struggles with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

I say tendencies because I am not OCD. I have never received a diagnosis for this and my tendencies rarely show up in most of my life. And almost always when I feel highly anxious. My hesitance with writing this post has a lot to do with how much people misuse and misunderstand what it means to be OCD. So, let's start with full transparency.

When I was a child, I had really bad anxiety. I would make what I always called bets with myself. I had to walk a certain way, or my mother would die. I had to read something within a certain time frame, or I would lose everyone I loved. It was never anything consistent. Just suddenly thought would enter my mind, and I would have to act on it or something terrible would happen. As I got older, I understood logically that none of those "bets" made sense, but I had to do them. My anxiety left me with no other option. 

As I mentioned, it was never the same thing, and it didn't happen a lot unless I was in a very anxious state. When I was in my junior year of college, my anxiety flared up so badly. It was awful and I worked with my therapist because I was dissociating from reality, could hardly look people in the eye, and dreaded leaving my apartment. I didn't know what caused this, but I knew I needed help.

My therapist was absolutely amazing. One of the best therapists I have ever worked with and she completely changed my life. I mentioned these "bets" to her and how I found those intrusive thoughts coming again and how much distress they caused me. That is where I learned that these thoughts and bets were actually obsessive-compulsive. The obsession being the intrusive thought: pick up the paper, walk a certain way, don't step on, hold your breath for, and the compulsion being do this or everyone you love will die.

I remember one day just falling to my knees praying and crying for these thoughts to stop because I hated thinking about anyone I loved dying and I hated that my mind used that against me. My therapist thankfully taught me how to deal with these and to manage my anxiety. Now, these kinds of thoughts and tendencies rarely ever show up in my life.

But the one area they do show up is with To-Do lists and goal setting. Because every time I make one of those lists or put pressure to complete a goal within a certain time frame, I hear that voice so you have to finish this, or else. It's the one area of my life where these tendencies come up again (the other being having to repeatedly check that the door is locked).

Because I recognized that the traditional to-do list and goal setting did not work for me and triggered those dark thoughts within me, I had to find a way that worked. I had to combine the strategies my therapist gave me, with my knowledge and awareness as a mindset coach, to create goal setting strategies that did not include pressure!

Honestly, that's why I created my goal setting workbook. There's so much more that I explain in that workbook about why it is important to me and how you can set aligned goals without the pressure. For that reason, I'm going to encourage you to pick up your free copy here, simply because I don't want to repeat myself, and the version of me that wrote that workbook can explain it so much better than this version of me can.

This was a post that has been on my heart for over a year. Thank you for being with me and taking the time to read it. 

Much Love, Always,

Shar

I Don't Want To Let Them Down: Reflections from a first-gen graduate

This is a little different than my normal posts. Today I want to talk to you about the pressure to succeed and keep up the appearance of success as a first-gen student. I will do my best to have a succinct message, but for now, I am simply exploring my feelings.

I was born and raised in Harlem, NYC. I am the first person in my family to graduate from college and the first person in my family to go on and get a master's degree. My family is poor, and education was the way out for me. I was so happy to go away to college and I can say that the experiences I had in my 5 years of post-secondary education truly shaped who I am today.

But something I didn't expect was the pressure. See, a college degree is often lauded as this amazing way to break out of poverty. And while I cannot deny the value of an education, it's not this golden ticket that it often felt like my family believed it was. Whether it was intentional or not, I felt this constant pressure to succeed. To land the job immediately, to take fantastic vacations and to live the way white women were shown to live on TV shows. I imagined my life was supposed to look like having fun at work, getting paid well, rooftop happy hours, and sending my family money. The reality was a little different, but I couldn't shake the shame.

No one ever said this, but there was almost this expectation that I would be making a lot of money once I graduated. That my life would be a lot easier with a degree and that I would be an example for the younger kids in my family.

I think that's what makes this pressure so intense. It's that it's silent and invisible. To any of my other first-gen students, you can see it in the excitement in people's eyes. The way they proudly talk about your degrees or how far you will go.

The thing is, I studied writing, counseling, and education. I didn't pick my degrees because I thought I would make a lot of money. I picked them because they made me happy and looking at QLQ now, I can see how everything I studied has led to this moment. But still, even 3 years after completing my master's degree, I feel this pressure to be successful. The pressure to be earning more money.

To be the person who's on track to make a lot of money, buy the house, drive the nice car. And to be honest with you, that's just not realistic with the salary I make. So I feel this constant pressure to keep up appearances. To pretend to be happier and more successful than I really feel. How could I say that a significant portion goes to my student loans and the credit card debt I stupidly mismanaged in my late teens and early twenties? How could I confess that having money alone did not fix my terrible relationship with money and my complete lack of financial literacy?

How could I say that my degrees did not save me from struggling or from the wage gap?

I suppose that's what this comes down to. It's about how I feel. Because if I were to take an unbiased look at my life, I would say that I am successful in many ways. But because I don't make a ton of money and still struggle with my finances at times (something I am glad to say is almost completely healed), I feel like a fraud. Like when my family talks about my degrees and my life, I'm just supposed to smile and say yeah, the 115 thousand dollars of debt I took on for my degrees was totally worth my 40k salary. If I were honest, I would say that I have my doubts.

I would say that I feel so much anger and resentment over the fact that I make half of what my white peers make, even when we have the same qualifications! I would shout out my raging fury and say fuck the idea that a college degree is an American dream. 

from the Pew Research Center on Racial and Gender Wage Gaps in the US (article linked at the end if you would like to learn more)

But I grit my teeth, put on a smile, and pretend that it was all worth it. The experience was worth it. Who I am now was worth it. Yet a little part of my soul dies every time someone holds the silent expectation that because I have two degrees, I must be financially successful in my career. 

I feel like their idea of success and my current reality of success are different things. Even as a coach, I hold this embarrassment for not making it further with my degrees. For not making enough to financially support my family. For not being financially literate and for not knowing about financial literacy early enough. Because if I was going to break the cycle of poverty, I not only need more money, I need to know how to manage money, and this is not something I learned from my family. I choose to take control of it now.

This is my story. These are my expectations and this is my perception of reality. I know this a story I have to dig deeper into and understand why this pressure exists and what expectations I have put on myself and how my life should be. Just a Monday reflection. 

Referenced article: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/07/01/racial-gender-wage-gaps-persist-in-u-s-despite-some-progress/

7 Lessons I've Learned From Building A Business in My 20's

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Okay, so I've been thinking about QLQ and my life. I love QLQ, but recently I've been feeling this call to go in a different direction. I am a coach and I will always teach those who feel the call how to master the creation of their reality and master their mindset. But every once in awhile, I feel this call to reconnect with my roots and just blog for the sake of blogging.

I am in my 20's and I've dedicated the majority of this decade of my life to personal growth and development. I knew that there were things that I wanted and in order to get there, I not only had to believe that I could have anything I wanted, but I also had to know how the fuck to create it. I've made it my mission to share with you the tips and tricks I've learned along the way. But now I want to share with you more of the stories and lessons. Today that means telling you the 7 things I have learned since starting my spiritual journey and mastering the creation of my own reality.

1. Your mindset and beliefs do fucking matter. Your brain will find ways to prove you right and it's important that you have control over what you believe. All this means is master your mindset, because you will attract and create what you believe you can. What you believe will influence how you show up. If you believe that you are a loser who can't do anything right, you will show up that way and attract experiences to match your belief. If you believe that life happens for you and what is meant for you cannot pass you, then you will show up in that way and draw positive experiences to you like a magnet.
2. Your body is just as important as your mental health. I run an online business and work as a digital nomad. Almost all of my work has to do with the mind, the spirit, and mindset. It can be all too easy to think that your body is not important only to wake up one day and realize that you take out all of your stress on your body. Yes, I'm talking about working from your bed, your only form of movement being the walk to your office desk (or dining room table), and mindlessly eating gummy candy as you work to meet a deadline. This will catch up with you and it truly does affect your mental health and eventually your spiritual well being. Your body deserves your attention and your love.
3. Yes, your growth will mean losing friendships. Your growth will trigger some people. It will force people to confront themselves in ways that they may not be ready to do. Some of your friends will grow with you, and some will walk away. But some friendships were only ever meant to last for a season and you will attract people at this new level of yourself. STOP HOLDING ON TO PEOPLE WHO WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR A SEASON. Holding onto relationships that have come to their natural end only breeds resentment. And on that note, don't wish bad for anyone. You can love and appreciate a relationship for what it was and what it taught you and still let it go. Plus, this new version of yourself will attract new people and friendships that feel better with where you are.
4. Stop Being Risk-Averse. Nothing in life comes from your comfort zones and there is no guarantee that anything you do will work out the way you want. You are more resilient than you think and if you don't do it, you will always live with the regret of what if. Not being risk-averse doesn't mean you are reckless, it means you refuse to allow fear to limit you and believe in possibility and your own strength. 
5. Not all advice is good advice. People can only speak to you from their perception, their unchecked beliefs, and their understanding of how life works. Just because it worked or didn't work for someone else doesn't mean the same for you. At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you and there will come a day where you're going to have to make decisions that don't make sense to anyone but yourself. Be your own biggest fan. And stop looking to everyone else to have the answer. You will have to learn to trust yourself. 
6.  Fall in love with yourself. Life is a lot easier in many ways when you love and believe in yourself and when you trust your decisions. This is not arrogance. It's unconditional self-love, one of the highest vibrations you can be in.
7. Failure exists in your mind. Nothing is a failure until you label it one. You have to consciously decide that something has failed. Like most people, once you say you have failed, you shame yourself for it and allow fear to stop you in the future. Well, my love, the fear will always exist, but one day you'll be able to push past it with practiced ease. But you can't do that if you're constantly beating yourself up for every failure. Failure is a label. The best mindset shift you can work on is understanding that there are no failures. There are only lessons and each one of those lessons brings you closer to your desired outcome IF THAT IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE.

Did any of these resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Why is Sticking to a Budget So Hard?

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

I woke up in the middle of the night with this realization and just knew that this was something I wanted to write about. So, I grew up poor. My family did not have money and to be honest with you no one knew how to manage money. So when I grew up and decided that I wanted to change this pattern, it was something that I struggled with at first.

How do you invest? How do you negotiate a better salary? How do you stick with a budget? How do you make a budget work for you if you get paid biweekly? After years of mismanaging my money and expanding my wealth consciousness, these questions became super important to me.

Something I used to do a lot of until very recently was spend any money that I had. The money would come out of my account and I would have no idea on what days or for which subscriptions (hello overdraft). I wouldn't meal prep so I would spend money on breakfast and lunch every single weekday and then go out to happy hour with friends. Like girl, my food budget was 150 a month, and looking back now I can see that I was spending more like 300-450 a month on food! But believe it or not, I would still feel like I had money left over, so I would spend it and then complain about how I didn't have enough money to save.

Lesson 1: Don't live outside of your means
Lesson 2: If you don't keep track of your money it will disappear right before your eyes.

I knew that I was not handling money well, but I literally had no idea what the fuck it meant to manage money. I was confused and overwhelmed. But more recently I came to this mind-blowing realization.

My money did not have a purpose, so it always felt easy to spend. My employer contributed to my 401k automatically, so I wasn't saving for retirement. I honestly just didn't care about my credit (please don't do this!) and so long as I made my payments, I was fine. I'm not interested in owning a house, I could give two fucks about a car, I'm not the kind of person to care that much about having things. So, it made sense that almost all of the money I had went to quick experiences.

My money did not have a purpose, and so it was always so easy to spend. I was also scared of money, so I did not track it. I have learned a lot about money, but one of the most important lessons I have learned is that your money needs to have a purpose.

If it does not have a purpose, you will find that it is so easy for you to spend money. You hear that you should save your money, but it will be difficult for you to do that if you don't know what you are saving for.

If I could go back and tell myself anything about money, I would tell myself to make a budget, to live below my means, and to have a reason for saving!  I'm still deciding what I am saving for, but something about getting to decide what I am saving for makes it a lot more fulfilling to work on my finances, not just my money mindset.

Much Love, Always,

Sharlene

Learn to Push Past Your fears

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Face your fears head-on

We often vaguely think about the worst-case scenario and allow our fear to grow to the point of overwhelm

But my favorite questions are what’s the worst that can happen and what’s the best that can happen? Balance, you know? As our minds tend to focus shallowly on one and not at all about the other. In this post let’s focus on the worst that can happen. We are confronting fear after all

I want you to track that worst-case scenario all the way through. Let it snowball. Get intimate with the details. Keep going until you fully understand the worst-case and what you would do should it come to that. Yes, you will be hella uncomfortable doing this

Ex. when I was first deciding whether or not I would quit my job

Well, I could launch and the course wouldn’t sell

In which case I would reflect and be sad and launch again

And that could fail too and I would do the same thing until I was tired and discouraged

Eventually, I’d run out of money and I would get evicted and not be able to pay my bills

I would cut my loses, get a job and either move back home or get a cheaper apartment

I would have to have really embarrassing conversations about how I fucked in my finances chasing a dream

Then I would take the lessons I learned, apply them to my life and know myself even better than I would have otherwise

And I would recover just a little wiser than I was before

Then I would learn, fine-tune my approach and try again until it fucking worked

See once we track the worst case, we’re able to understand what we are TRULY afraid of. And let me tell you years of experience has taught me that the first fear we see is not truly the root of the issue—something I recently taught in one of my courses

But we get caught up in that first fear and refuse to look beyond the surface. Either because we don’t know any better or because or we’re too scared to look—it’s usually the latter btw

What I want to share with you is that confronting your fears will provide you with profound insight. If I hadn’t confronted my fear of quitting my job, I would have never learned that I wasn’t afraid of not having money (how the fear presented itself), I was afraid of judgment and looking/feeling irresponsible and ashamed

Once you look fear in the eye and realize you can recover from your worst case, it stops being as scary. ESPECIALLY if you combine what you have learned about yourself from exploring that fear with inner work

That doesn’t mean you’re never afraid, but it does mean that fear has less power over you. And that my love is the end goal because untamed fear will absolutely fuck up your life.

Fear is a natural emotion and it serves its purpose. I will never preach to you the idea that you can completely get rid of fear. But I will tell you that you can absolutely reach the point where the fear no longer stops you. Where you feel the fear and do the damn thing anyway.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Role of Shame and Moving Through It

Good Morning My Beautiful Queens,

Happy Wednesday! Okay so a lot is going on in my world, but I want to talk to you about personal growth (duh). Like most people, I am quarantined and while I thought I knew myself very well, I found that there is a new level of awareness when you are forced to be in your house and have very little chance to speak with anyone.

It is Cancer season my darlings, which also means heightened emotions. This is coming up for me and I am doing my best to learn and grow through the difficult emotions. Something in particular that is coming up for me is Shame. Now if you know me, you know that I don't believe any emotion is negative, but shame is a particularly shitty emotion and I do believe it is negative because it comes from societal conditioning. But I digress.

Because regardless of whether or not I think shame is a negative emotion, it is serving a purpose in my life and in my business. The shame is coming from my shadow self, which tells me that it is time to confront her. I've been working with shadow for a while now, and I can tell you that it is not easy work, but it is also some of the most healing work I have ever done.

I am still in the process of understanding my shadow. Although it is Summer, I would say that the season of my life I am in is late fall. It is a time for introspection, setting goals, and better understanding. I am still growing through this phase, but that's where I am right now.

Just an honest and brief life update.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Recovering From Adolescent Depression

I guess you could say this is a post I've put off writing. I've been very honest about my past history with clinical depression and generalized anxiety. You know that I have attempted suicide four times in my life. But I've never spoken about what it was like to come out of adolescent depression. Mostly because it was a jarring experience that I held a lot of shame around.

But before we dive into that, you need to understand the beginnings. I had a hard time trusting other people and was holding up the weight of my childhood sexual abuse--a secret no one knew about. I had horrific anxiety and believe that people were inherently selfish and horrible. I longed for the day I would die so I could have a "do-over."While some people planned their graduation, I planned my funeral because I was convinced that I would not live past the age of 21 (I am 25 now and very happy).

Because I was so certain that my life would be short, I didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone. I barely left my room and rarely ever attended school. But I did manage to make it to therapy and with time and treatment, it did get better. But what truly helped was being able to leave my childhood home when I went to college in Ithaca, NY. I got into health and fitness and found that I actually really enjoyed my studies.

But I felt behind. Years of depression and isolation left me feeling like I had been robbed of my adolescence and lost the ability to develop crucial social skills. In many ways, I was thriving, but I was also painfully aware that I was awkward and didn't make friends easily. It often felt like I was saying the wrong things and didn't know how to properly socialize. I also had a terrible habit of pushing people away because I hadn't healed my story that said people suck. It almost felt like I was a 14-year-old surrounded by 20-year-olds, gasping, and struggling to understand what the hell people were talking about.

As the years passed, I grew more resentful. I was angry that depression had taken so much for me and had left me as the weird, awkward 20 something-year-old who clearly spent most of her life in her room. I longed for the experiences I saw in movies. While in high school, my schoolmates would have been going to parties and going on dates and experiencing all of the joys of teenhood, I was locked away in my bedroom.

I had never had a boyfriend. I hadn't had my first kiss (willingly). I hadn't been on a date. No one had ever invited me to a party, and I didn't have any friends. Mostly I had the sense that people pitied me. This is a story that took me a long time to correct. This idea that I was socially behind and therefore always at a disadvantage. Working through the belief that I had been robbed of normal childhood is also something I am actively working on.

This is usually the part of my post where I tell you something inspiring that I have learned. I could do that, but that's not what I feel called to do. This is just a story that I felt called to share with you. And if any of this resonated with you, please know that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Your Dreams Require Your Commitment

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Today I want to open up to you and tell you that this past month has been difficult. I came closer to giving up this month than I have in my entire journey since founding QLQ. It felt like nothing was working and I was heartbroken and felt so sad and abandoned. I could still hear the Universe speaking to me, but I wasn't willing to listen.. But I am feeling back into my energy and am reconnected to my intuition and spirit guides.

In the personal development world, there's this narrative that seems to say, there was this one time I wanted to give up, but I didn't and then everything fell into place and I lived happily ever after. Girl, I don't think so. We're going to disrupt that.

What I've found is that there are many times where you will want to give up. Many times when the manifestation doesn't happen as quickly as you would like and you're left feeling sad and uncomfortable. As I phrased it in my Instagram post today, sometimes it will feel like the Universe has disappointed you.

For me, this was especially potent as the Trump administration reversed health protection for Transgender people. Watching the Trump administration reaction to the Black Lives Matter movement. To just some of the gross violations of human rights. And of course, these are not new things. But just seeing at all happen did leave me questioning if the Universe actually cared at all.

At the same time, I was lost in my own sadness and disappointment. I felt like things weren't happening as quickly as I wanted them to. And I thought yeah I was miserable in my old life, but at least I had a steady paycheck. At least that was familiar and laid out for me. Every day I knew what I had to. Even though it was devoid of passion and it felt like I was selling my time for a shitty rate, it was something I could predict and control.

But of course, control is an illusion as is all of life. No matter how much I was tempted to quit, I knew that I stood strong in my decision to pursue my dreams. I stood strong in my faith that I was exactly where I needed to be and that I had what it took to stand in the storm and still be light. Of course, lots of things fell into place after that. But most importantly, I reclaimed my certainty.

Yet this wasn't the first time I was tempted to quit. Anytime I would launch a course and it didn't perform in the way that I wanted. When my social media following didn't grow as quickly as I wanted it to. When I didn't feel like I had the right to call myself a coach because I hadn't worked one-on-one with anyone. In all of those moments, it would have been easy to give up.

But I have faith and certainty in myself. I am unwavering in my belief that the Universe is always fully supporting me even when I do not understand. I remain connected to who I am and why I do what I do.

The thing is success comes in the little things you do every day. It comes from your ability to show up and never give up. And if you don't feel grounded in yourself, full of faith in your ability and fully connected to the Universe and your divine power, you're going to struggle with that. It will always be tempting to give up, so you have to have the tenacity to never give up.

Trust me, I know that's hard to do right now. 2020 has given us all a beating in the name of awakening. This is a time where most people feel the most lost, uncertain, and disconnected. Maybe you were even thinking that you were ready to start that business and then 2020 happened. Maybe you took that as a sign of the Universe confirming that this was not meant for you.

But I don't believe that. This is your time to rise from the ashes and forge ahead with the creation of the life you wanted. Everything that no longer works if falling away and it is time to reconnect with divinity and to our power as extensions of the Universe. To our divine ability to reshape our own realities and reclaim the certainty in ourselves that was conditioned into silence.

And so, my intuition has guided me to reopen Connected for the first time in several months. This is a four-week course where we strengthen your connection with the Universe and bring you back home to yourself. This is a course where you truly learn how to harness your power to co-create and manifest the life you were always meant to be. More than anything Connected is about helping you understand what it means to say that you are the Universe. And what it means to believe it.

Because when you are fully connected in all realms of yourself and your divine power, the temptation to quit becomes nothing but an illusion. It is that clarity and tenacity that will move you forward as you manifest everything that you desire and then some.

If you are ready to reclaim your power, reconnect to the Universe, and understand what it means to be divinely guided, then Connected is ready and available for you. The link to secure your spot is below.

I'm ready to reconnect

Much Love, Always,

Shar

You Are an Alchemist and Your Gift Is Needed

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Friday. It has been a while since I have last posted on here. I took some time to be with my family and also some time to focus on racial injustice in America, systemic racism, police brutality none of this stuff is new and has always been a problem in America and a reality for the Black community and POC) and ways to be a better ally. Black lives matter and it is important for us to continue to fight for justice. Until there is justice, there cannot be peace. This looks different for everyone, but for me this has meant questioning the media more deeply, continuing to confront my own implicit biases (yes, I am a woman of color, but I was raised in a white supremacist society and like all people, there is some degree of bias that exists within me), and learn more about what it means to defund the police. Racism in America is not new. America was built on racism and continues to run on it.

This has been a time for shadow work for me. As a lightworker, it is my job to also confront the shadow and bring the shadow into the light. You all know that something I struggled with for a long time is my empath ability. Many people in this space identify as empaths, which for me means a strong sense of other people's emotions and energy.

Many empaths also struggle with setting energetic boundaries and distinguishing between what belongs to them and what does not belong to them. I will hold my hands up and say that I hated my empath abilities. I hated that I could feel the energies of other people so clearly and I hated that I was "too sensitive." So the way I learned to cope was to completely cut off all of my empathic abilities. I can admit that the natural response that I am actively correcting is apathy. I have been unlearning the instinctive desire to just cut myself off from everything that is draining my empathic abilities.

But my love, emotions serve a purpose, and sometimes apathy is not the answer. And it most certainly not the answer when it comes to injustice. My fellow empaths, something I have realized is that the gift of being an empath is two-fold. One is your ability to pick up on energies, but two is your role as an alchemist.

You as an empath have the ability to not only tune into energy, but to feel that energy and transform it into something else. I am still navigating what this means as well and how to actively use this gift the way it was intended to be used.

But I wanted to disrupt the narrative you might have heard your whole life. The one that says empaths are just too sensitive and all you need to do is protect your energy. Absolutely you must protect your energy. Absolutely you must be able to distinguish what belongs to you and what does not. Absolutely you must have boundaries. But that doesn't mean that you get to cut yourself off from the world and ignore what is in front of you because it's "too much" for your energy. Rest and recover your energy. Give yourself the love and grace that you need. But then get back out there, confront your shadow and your biases and do your part. Whatever that means to you.

To end this post, my love, you are not too sensitive. You are an empath and an alchemist. It is time you learn to balance both of these energies within you. And as you support others, remember to support yourself. Burnout and shame help no one.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Be Motivated, Not Inspired

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

We all know the rush of reading a super inspirational book or watching an amazing TED talk. That rush of wow, what if I really can do this? These people don't have anything that I don't have and if they're telling me that this is the way, then what harm comes from believing it?

The feeling of being limitless and inspired and so motivated to do everything that you've always wanted to do. The powerful belief that you can truly create anything that you desire. So you go all in, and then what happens?

Your same limiting beliefs and circumstances come back up. You get bogged down in your reality and fall back into the same pattern of thinking that says this isn't going to happen for me. Some people stay stuck here, some people turn back, some people become resentful and some people chase the inspiration.

I was the person who chased the inspiration. I was at rock bottom, and I said never again. If I had to chase inspiration to make the changes I wanted to see in my life, then I was going to do that. If being successful and believing in myself meant that I had to fake it until I make it, I was going to do it. If I had to read an inspirational book every day and tune out everything that wasn't high vibe and positive to get into alignment, then that's what I was going to do.

My love, inspiration comes in waves. You can't rely on inspiration alone to get you where you want to go. You also have to be able to find that within yourself. You're not always going to feel good. You're not always going to be inspired. You're not always going to be in alignment. That is why it is so important that you cultivate a routine and philosophy that works for you.

You must be so grounded in your why that you do not waiver from where you want to go. Even when you feel uninspired and or feel like it's not going to happen. There is nothing wrong with chasing inspiration. Especially in the beginning.

Do what you need to do to cultivate that belief. Do what you need to do to begin shifting your perspective and cultivating the mindset that you want to have. But once you feel that shift begins to happen, you must start developing your own self-belief. You must start working on learning to trust yourself and learning to trust that you know what steps to take.

Your intuition and your subconscious mind have the power to be your most powerful allies if you choose to make them your allies. Continue to follow the inspiration, but always remember to tune into yourself and make sure you find your own way in everything.

Because it's true. What everything comes down to is your self-belief. It is your why.

Do what you need to do, but don't forget yourself.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

The Importance of Surrender

Hello Queen,

When we think about surrender, we often think of surrender in manifestation or surrender in difficult circumstances. But I have been working on deepening my connection with myself and the universe. In that process, I have also been working on mastery of my intuition. This has led to many things including the understanding that I need to work on discipline, that I must continue to heal my relationship with masculine energy, and that surrender is a crucial part of life experience.

That brings us to the point of this blog post. Surrender is not something that is reserved for when you find yourself with your back against the wall. It is not something that is only reserved for when you find that you are heavily attached to an outcome in your manifestation process.

Surrender is the process of allowing things to unfold and trusting that the universe is always working in your highest good, even when this is difficult to understand or see. I would not say that I was dealing with anything particularly difficult right now. In fact, I am blessed enough to say that my life is quite peaceful at the moment.

What I do find myself battling is the pressure of time. This immense desire to get it done as quickly as possible because, like many others, I hold the fear that if it doesn't happen now, that it's not going to happen. It's the fear that says time is my enemy when it comes to success and the longer it takes to get there, the more time I have to mess it up or the more time I will have to struggle only for it to never happen.

I am working on the release of a free course all about overcoming the fear of failure so you can step into your next level of success. Part of this has involved allowing any fears related to the fear of failure rise within me so I may once again work through them and teach my process for dissolving them in this completely free course.

In this chapter of my life, that has involved surrender. It has involved a willingness to let this energy move through me. It has involved patience and learning to stay fully present in the current moment. Because the only moment that exists is the present. This has been a profound week for me. Not always full of peace, sometimes it has involved challenges. But as I move through this and learn the art of surrender, I find that my spirituality and sense of worthiness is higher than it has ever been.

There is something quite freeing about knowing that everything will work out as it is meant to and all you have to do is be willing to listen, act, and trust the process. At the end of the day, that is the best we can do.

So I end today's post with a question. How can you incorporate more surrender in your life? In what area of your life do you need to loosen your grip?

Practice surrender, even if only for a day, and observe what comes up for you. Many transformations can come from those moments.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

On the Importance of Positive Expectations and Detachment

Hello, My Beautiful Queen,

Happy Monday! I hope you all had a beautiful weekend and are preparing for a lovely week ahead. You've heard me talk about the importance of hope before. But something I've never discussed on here (or at least not in-depth) is the importance of positive expectations.

How many of us have been conditioned to believe that high expectations are negative? How many of us are taught to believe that if we are disappointed with the outcome of something it's because our expectations were too high or we were being "unrealistic." Well, I'm fucking sick of this shit. It's patriarchal nonsense. AND like so many of our self-imposed limitations, this belief is born out of the desire to protect ourselves from painful experiences.

But if your expectations are so low, they are on the ground, do you have any belief at all that what you are doing will work? Take a moment and really ask yourself, why are you keeping your expectations so low? 9 times out of 10, it's because we're afraid that if we raise them we will be disappointed. Or that by somehow having high expectations, we will push the manifestation of our desire away. It didn't happen because we wanted it too much.

There's so much that I want to say about this, but I want to make sure that I don't go off on a rant. So, I'm going to boil it down to this. If your expectations are low, some part of you likely does not believe it will work out in your favor. And this part of you is strong enough to lower your expectations and convince you that you shouldn't keep your hopes up. This means that it has a stronger hold on your mind then you would probably like to believe. Don't let your fears create your life for you.

Second, not having high expectations also indicates that you believe you do not have control over how things work out. That the outcome is completely random and it's best not to have high expectations in case the odds are not stacked in your favor. Or some mystical being out there decides to deny your request.
To an extent, yes, you may not have complete control over the outcome. Simply because the outcome may depend on the action of other people. Your job is to focus on the action you take to secure the outcome that you want. While you may not always have complete control over the outcome, you're going to want to attract an ideal outcome.

If your energy is screaming doubt because your expectations are low, then you're probably going to attract low results. If your energy is screaming certainty and faith, you will attract that. If your energy is firmly planted in the belief that the universe is fully supporting you and everything will always work out in your favor, then you're going to show up like you're playing to win. Your energy will be in the certainty and aligned with the vibration of success and therefore you are a lot more likely to ATTRACT SUCCESS.

I'm not going to lie to you. Somethings are not going to work out the way you want them to. You can't avoid disappointment in your life, just like you can't avoid failing. But the way to navigate that is NOT to close off your energy to positive experiences. You want to focus your attention on positive outcomes and possibilities, not fear and doubt. If you're lowering your expectations left, right and center, then you are in the energy of doubt.

So, here's how you really detach. The reason the "failure" hurt so much and led to that disappointment has NOTHING to do with your expectations being too high. It hurt so much because your sense of worthiness was attached to the outcome. If you were successful in getting what you want, then that meant you were worthy and good and on the right path. If you failed, then you feel like shit because now this is confirming every negative thought, fear, and belief you have about yourself.

It's not even about whether or not you failed or succeeded. It's about the meaning you attached to both outcomes and what you think it says about you to "fail."

Keep those expectations high, babe. Expecting beautiful outcomes and things to work out in your favor will only help your vibration. But always pay attention to what you are making the outcome mean. Because that's where the attachment REALLY comes from. Not from your expectations.

PS, if you're still struggling with fear of failure, I am running a completely FREE course all about how to move past this fear so you can attract the high levels of success and confidence you are craving. But this course is only free for the first 100 people, and spaces are filling! After the doors close, this course will never be free again. I want to make sure that you secure your spot so you can create that beautiful life you are craving without the doubt. You can reserve your free spot in this course here.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Overcome the Fear of Failure

What if I try and it doesn’t work?

What if I put a ton of effort in, but it just never comes together?

What if I’m just not meant for this?

Why would anyone choose me?

If I do this, and I fail miserably, does that mean that everyone was right?

We all know this struggle. That feeling of a divine download. A flow of inspiration and the immediate drive to get it done. Whether it be a post we want to write, a course we want to create, a client we want to hire or a job we want to get.

For a moment, we’re flying high. So sure and certain that this will be so much fun and have a huge impact on the world. We know that it’s going to happen and no one is going to convince us otherwise. And then what happens?

We start to doubt ourselves. Suddenly the words won’t come and the inspiration won’t flow because all we can think is, what if this doesn’t work?  We go right from that energy of flow into the energy of resistance. Why? Because we’re terrified to fail.

We question every move we make because now it’s not about having fun. Now we have something to prove. Now we’re faced with the very real possibility that we just put all this work in and it didn’t work out. It’s time to show up, but fear makes us back out or half-ass it.

The fear of failure can stop people at every level. It is one thing to be aware of it, and another entirely to actually be able to get overcome it. It’s frustrating. You know that you are meant for more. You know that you can do it if you put your mind to it, but that damn fear keeps getting in your way.

I got a download earlier this month to create a FREE course for my audience. I wanted it to be high value and high impact. I wanted it to be the course that pushed all of my beautiful queens, on the cusp of huge transformation and even bigger success, into their purpose and their power. And I knew that it had to be something I worked with my audience on.

So, I jumped on my story and I asked all of my beautiful queens: If you could have a coach custom make a course just for you, what would you want it to be about. The overwhelming answer was the fear of failure. Ask and it is given.

I was very happy to have this course be something that was always free. Something that people could enroll in whenever they felt called to. That is until my guides spoke up and said I think the fuck not.

Sharlene, you are helping a past version of yourself. And you know damn well that whenever often means never for the majority of people. This course sure as hell isn’t about you. You need to create that push and that fire for action. 

So, consider this your wakeup call. We’re going to tackle the fear of failure head on so you can truly begin attracting the level of success that you’re craving. We are going to completely dismantle that belief so you can show up in your power, as your authentic self and never have to question, is this meant for me. Because my queen, for you to have the level of success you are looking for in ANY level of your life, you’re going to have to show up like you fucking mean it. And you can’t do that if you’re letting the fear stop you in your tracks.

I have completely removed the financial barrier for this course. This is my contribution to all of the queens out there on the path to transforming their mindsets and their entire lives.

It is free, BUT only for the FIRST 100 people to sign up for that. After that last spot is taken, no one else will be able to enroll and the course will NEVER be free again. This is your opportunity. The very fact that this post showed up in your feed today, just as I opened the sign up for it is your sign. If you’re waiting for the sign to do it, THIS IS IT.

You have the opportunity right now to get this course for free. After this point, I will raise the price to 97 dollars. I’m going to tell you right now that those few free spaces will go quickly. Once you miss it, it’s gone. No exceptions.

So, what the heck are you waiting for? You can secure your spot and sign up for access to the course below. Are you in or are you going to let this pass you by?

Girl, you don't need to tell me twice. I am so IN