How to Move Through Fear and Realign

Hello Queens,

I spent like 3 hours journaling yesterday because I felt like I wasn't quite in alignment. I just felt off and easily triggered. I had many journaling prompts, including speaking with my intuition and I came to realize a lot of things.

One of the tasks I did was honestly admitting where I wasn't acting as if. What areas of my life was I just not being my best self? Through this, I was able to pinpoint fear. I allowed fear to take the driver's seat and it slowly began to morph into shame. The actions I was taking were fear driven. I was so lost in planning for the worst and trying to make things happen that I was blocking my own happiness. 

Now, I'm a writer and I have filled several journals before, so I had no issue with journaling for three hours to really begin the work of dismantling my fear and returning to alignment. But, that might not be your thing, so I want to boil this down to how I broke out of this. 

1. Don't get angry at fear. Like everything else, the intention was to protect you. You are fearful because you are trying to protect yourself from something. You don't want to demonize this experience because it will just breed more negativity. 
2. Acknowledge that the fear does not actually protect you. In fact, it's blocking you from living your best life, achieving your dreams and taking rational and inspired action. Recognize that while things may be scary now, they are temporary. Allowing yourself to linger in fear will only keep you in that state for more time. You will find that you have spent so much time putting out fires and stressing that life has just straight passed you by. 
3. Remember that better days are coming and things are not as bad as they seem. It is the emotion that you are attaching to them that are blowing them out of proportion. I found it very helpful to just allow myself to dream. As I did so, I got more and more excited about my future and began to take back the control I had unintentionally given up. 
4. Allow yourself to move through the emotion and remind yourself that you are fucking awesome. Seriously start listing all of the ways you are incredible. You don't have to fight to get the emotion to go away. Allow it to exist as and gently challenge it. For me, I felt like I was powerless and there was nothing I could do. I had to challenge this assumption by asking myself why it mattered to me if this situation was resolved, if it would really changed my entire identity if it wasn't, and if there was actually nothing that I could do. You'll find that fear and shame like to exaggerate. 

That's it, Queen! Talk you next time.

Regret and Self Worth: Your Past Does Not Define Your Future

Hello Queen!

Okay, I will openly admit that I have done some fucked up things. I haven't always been kind or understanding. I can have a superiority streak and like any other person, I have done things that I regret. You know that I have made 2018 my year of self-reflection, acceptance and pursuing my dreams wholeheartedly.

I have worked to better understand not only myself, but the universe and my place in it. I can't claim that I am now enlightened and I know everything (nor would I want to). But I can say that I am spiritually, mentally and emotionally in a much better place than I was in 2017. Something that has come up again and again as I work toward realizing my wildest dreams is the idea of worth.

The little voice of negativity within me will occasionally whisper in my ear about what I am and not worthy of. If I spend my time envisioning me chilling on my private island somewhere, I will also (rarely) see a montage of all of the shit in my life that I am ashamed of. When I tell myself that I will be a billionaire, my ego will shout about greed and show me all of the examples of how I mismanaged money and therefore I am not worthy of having it. Listen up, Queen! That shit is normally. You have been conditioned by society to settle into mediocrity and believe it to be greatness. You have been told in a multitude of ways about why your dreams can't come true. You have been told to humble yourself when professing your wildest desires. FOR YEARS.

So, there's nothing wrong with you when that little voice of doubt and bitterness comes up. All of those mistakes that your mind will bring up to keep you where you are mean NOTHING. And here's why. There is no such thing as mistakes. Doesn't exist. Everything that you have gone through and done have taught you something valuable that you need to know in order to live the amazing, beautiful, heavenly life you were brought here to live. Your past does not dictate what you will be capable of in the future or even in this very second. Nothing you have done thought or said makes you more or less worthy of success and abundance. The next time your ego uses your memories to try and convince you to stay where you are, tell it thank you and to kindly:

Feeling Lost: A Journey Through Self-Development

Hello Queen,

By now, I have revealed to you Epiphany. The email list where I give you concrete examples of how to find the lesson in everything and begin shifting to an abundance mindset. If you're not already signed up, I would love if you did. Link is on the pages section of this site as well as right here!

This is very long, but my intent is for you to get a better understanding of what I mean when I say I feel lost, but also how I work through that and come back to center (or at least a lot closer to that).

Okay, so a couple of days ago, I mentioned that I was feeling lost and didn't even realize it until I analyzed my patterns of speech. Today, I want to go more in depth about what I mean when I say that I am feeling lost. Although I am no longer 22, I still complete relate to "Happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time." It is my hope that any business queen out there reading this will feel more comfortable knowing that it is okay to be confused.

I love my blog and I love the community I build with it. I have always trusted that the people who need to hear the message or the vibrational energy I put out will find it. I love working on this, and I love the projects that come to me that I work on.

I have also always been honest about my intent to build an empire and all of the components that make up that empire. But, I have no idea how the F to build it. Where do I begin making money if I don't have a product or service to sell? My empire is a series of building blocks, but I don't know how to get to the first block.

I sometimes feel like I am spinning in circles trying to find my way; trying to find some guidance. Then I am always taking in new information because I know that I am never done learning. I think it's important to keep getting information where you find it and like my readers, I am guided to what I need to know. My dedication to my empire and financial freedom also leaves me feeling confused about my career.

I adore what I do and who I work with. I have a clear and direct path to a leadership role in the office, a full set of benefits and a comfortable salary. But I don't feel like my job sets my soul on fire because my empire is my purpose and my love. I hear two sides to work and side-hustle story. One is you need to fully commit to your dream and burn all bridges and alternatives because it will force you to have to flourish. The other side is that burning all bridges and leaving your job will only lead to stress and resentment towards your business as you make desperate choices for survival.

I believe in manifestation and I wonder how much I really believe in myself and my dreams if I'm not willing to place all of my eggs in one basket. Does keeping my job mean that I don't believe my business will be able to comfortably sustain me? Does that send the message to the universe that I'm not all in? I don't believe that because anytime I even think about my empire, I get all warm and fuzzy inside and my heart starts to race. I am in love with my dream and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it will happen for me and it will happen a lot sooner than I expect.

So, that leaves me wondering how I am supposed to get there. How did future me who is chilling in a mansion get to that point in her life. What was her first step? Where did her audience come from? How did she publish that book?

Then there's everything else in my life. Where do I want to live? Am I cool with having a roommate? How do I invest my money in my business? How can I pay off my credit cards ASAP? Why am I overeating and indulging in junk so often? What changes can I make to my exercise routine? Am I pressuring myself to date? Why don't I want a relationship? Do I need more friends? Shit, I have to renew my license. Should I hire movers? Why is everything so confusing?

As you can tell, I am feeling very lost and confused, but certain about where I am just a few short years from now. I feel that any entrepreneur has felt lost, scared and confused about life, business, relationships or anything else. Heck any human has.

Introspection: Listening for What You Really Mean

Hi Queen!

It is a gloomy Monday morning here on the east coast. Which would be amazing if I was curled up under the covers at home, but alas that is not the case. So, as I am prone to do, I have been doing a lot of introspection. I would say that my mood is like at normal human (as opposed to raging demon or weepy mess). While I like to think that you all know a lot about me, there is just somethings that you don't get unless we are interacting in person. For instance, I have a very dry sense of humor and absolutely no verbal filter.

I was reflecting back on my week and trying to notice any patterns of my behavior. I realized that I said send Jesus or I need Jesus a lot. I had to clean my house? send Jesus. At the gym and I was tired? send Jesus. Dying my hair and no idea what I was doing? I need Jesus. I wound't say I was religious in any way. I'm definitely a spiritual type, but I'm not religious, so this was just my dry sense of humor. Or so I thought.

I'm just joking around with myself as one does, and I said this in my head while looking at the massive pile of dirty laundry. Then my intuition spoke up and says that the reason I keep saying this is because I feel lost. I feel insane admitting this, but there is a point.

One, there are going to be times when you feel like you are doing everything right but have no idea how the heck you are going to reach your empire. Two, it's okay for you to feel completely lost. And three, pay attention to what you are doing and saying because you're probably trying to tell yourself something really important.

Revealing My Newest Project!

Hello Queens!

So, I've mentioned this several times before, but now I can finally talk about it! While I have been up-leveling to the next phase of my life, I was thinking of ways to expand the Quarter-Life Queens family. Now, I know that I ramble like nobodies business. My blog is densely packed with words (not always coherent) and just whatever comes to my mind.

I like that style of writing because it's more stream of conscious. You know that my mission is to always be honest and vulnerable with you all and one way I do that is with the tone that I write in. I recognize that means that you may spend several minutes reading a post and not all posts have a distinct message. And that's when it came to me.

Allow me to formally introduce you to my newest thought baby: Epiphany. Epiphany is an email list serv where you'll get one message a week from me about a life lesson I have learned in that week. The emails are no more than 3 short paragraphs (with one or two exceptions) but usually about two paragraphs. I still write in my natural tone, but all of the emails have a distinct message and lesson.

So my hope is that you learn something from my lessons. I have said before that while I love personal development, I feel that too many people write the story only after they have received the gains. I get that because credibility, but it has always been my mission to not gloss over anything. Including the really hard stuff. My hope is that you will read our epiphany of the week and learn something about yourself. Everyone's journey is completely different and through Epiphany perhaps you will be inspired and perhaps your journey can be just a little less difficult.

And if that's not incentive enough, you will also got loads of freebies as part of the list. I firmly believe in the power of inspirational quotes, so twice a month you'll get a desktop and Iphone quote wallpaper for daily doses of inspiration. And when you sign up, you'll receive access to the Epiphany workbook.

The workbook is a series of questions and prompts that I worked through over the span of several months. They are the questions and prompts that made the biggest difference to my mindset, finances, ambition levels, sense of self and just overall confidence in my ability.

If you want to join the epiphany community and gain access to these resources, please do sign up!
Epiphany Email Sign Up

So You Think You're a Bitch

Hello Queen!

First, let me address that I know there is currently a glitch on the mobile site. There is an ad running at the top of the page that is making it impossible to read this blog on your phone and you can't just swipe it away. I currently do not have ads running on that section of my site, but rest assured that this will be fixed. Tech stuff is not my zone of genius, so I don't know when it will be fixed, but it will. Until then, please read from your desktop or laptop.

Now that that is out of the way, I want to talk to you about the horrible ways we can treat ourselves. My OG readers will recognize the significance of this title. I've already spoken about when you place judgement on other women and when other women place judgement on you. Today, let's talk about when you place judgement on yourself.

I work very hard to be aligned and calm. I train myself to focus on success, love, happiness, support and ambition. But of course, I am a person and overcoming years of programming to focus on failure is not fucking easy.

I am a person, and though I have always said I am slow to anger, there are days when I am pissed AF at everyone.

Me at the person who even dares to breathe my way

This is largely during times when I am stressed or concerned about something. I devote all of my energy to this one area of my life where things are "going wrong". Then I get anxious, resentful, selfish and eventually angry. Basic manners; who the fuck is that?

I can recognize that this is not the kind of energy that I want to put into the world. I beat myself up for being so nasty to people and for not caring more about how others are feeling. To be quite frank, I call myself a bitch. "Stop being such a bitch" is the exact wording I use. I mean, in those moments I honestly am so caught up in myself and I can't help but to feel angry even at others. But I also turn that anger at myself for not being "better."

I want to remind you to treat yourself with kindness even when you are being the absolute worst version of yourself. Yes, we are about high-vibe self love and universal love, but we also embrace our humanness. You're not always going to be nice all of the time. Sometimes it will be you who is putting out the toxic energy and low vibes. And when it is you, love yourself anyway. Remember you are still a queen, even when you're in a funk. I'm not saying stay in a funk forever and treat people like shit. I am saying embrace the anger for what it is and let it go without turning it against yourself.

Navigating 21st Century Dating as a "Late Bloomer"

Hello Queen,

Welcome back to another episode of Shar's selfish time. Prepareth thyself for the gif overload. Today I want to talk to you about a relatively new component of my life: dating. I have previously written blog posts to the late bloomer and one where I opened up about single shaming. I opened up to you about what it feels like to be the single one and what it's like to be viewed as the late bloomer. I made it very clear that I wasn't ready to enter the romantic space and that was okay for me (as it is for you!).

Well queen, somewhere between there and now I became ready. That's right, I started dating. There came a point in my life recently when I looked around and realized oh shit, I'm really doing this and I'm having fun. Unlike my previous two posts where I actually have an important and empowering message for you all, I just want to talk about my experiences thus far (mostly what I have learned about myself from dating others). LOL please don't judge me because I am going to be very open with you all (as I always am).

1. Dating is not as intimidating or serious as it sounded in my head. Seriously, for years I didn't want to date at all because I felt like it would take up too much of my time and I just honestly didn't want to be that vulnerable. Honestly, it's just a lot of talking with the some fun possibilities. 
2. She loves control (you must sing this to yourself in Camila Cabello's voice). That's right. I like being in charge even in "relationships". I don't mean this in a bow down kind of way (obviously) but in the way that I feed off of energy. If you're being hyper, I will balance by being calm and vice versa. I just happen to enjoy being around shy men because then I can be the hyper one and I have a bit more control over the conversations and the date itself. 
3. The more dates I go on, the more I realize that I still don't want a relationship. I used to wonder if my lack of desire to have a significant other stemmed from my ignorance of never being in a relationship. Well, turns out I always knew myself pretty well in that while I enjoy dating, I don't enjoy any kind of commitment. She's a free spirit!
   
4. Some guys are just assholes and not worth your time at all. There's no way to sugarcoat it. Some guys are just fucking rude and insecure. They'll use all of their little power tricks to take away your power, but they don't know that you're a queen. Trust me, sis, that guy ain't worth a minute of your time and you should run away now because that aggressive shit is a HUGE red flag. 
   
5. And because we are women, we can't get away from being shamed. Now people can't shame you for never dating, but they do shame for not wanting a relationship. Just because we live in the age of hookup culture doesn't mean that we are exempt from continuing our quest for marriage. And if you're that bitch that just wants something a little more than a hookup and a lot less than a relationship (maybe FWB?? I don't know what I would call this weird in between ground) then you will be shamed hardcore. Even as a relationship virgin, I knew that I was Samantha in Sex and the City. It still ain't easy to be the Samantha. But don't fret ladies as we all clearly just haven't found the right one (that's sarcasm if you don't hear it). 

That's all, Queens! And if you're not dating, never dated or aren't interested in dating that's okay! You continue to do you sis and do things according to your own timelines not someone else's standards. Age is nothing but a number and does not dictate what you should be doing when. I really mean that (remember i'll be 24 this year and I've only just started dating). 

I'll speak to you next time!

How to Keep Your Business Moving While You Do Absolutely Nothing

Hello Queen,

If you're reading this than you are feeling as lazy as I am. I mean it's no secret that the past couple of months I have been completely uninspired to do anything at all. I just want to get home, flirt, eat, hit the gym and take a long nap.

No regrets sis. If you're anything like me than you have read all of the PD books and podcasts and instas that tell you bosses work when no one else is. The message is hustle, hustle and then hustle some more. Like girl, this is Quarter-Life Queens and I wouldn't be here if I didn't at least somewhat believe in the hustle. But we strive for balance here. Your hustle is precious, but so is your free time, sis. So, let me tell you what you came here for. How the heck do I keep my business going even when I'm laying in bed doing nothing but eating hot Cheetos and cherries?

The answer is quite simple: schedule. That's my number one tip. I firmly believe in keeping your business fun by following your inspiration. Forcing yourself to be creative and push past exhaustion all the time is a fast track to ihatemybusiness. com. 

So, when you feel struck by inspiration, run with it. Write and plan and design and whatever else it is that makes up your empire, do it. Then save that ish as a draft or schedule it to go live on a certain day. I'm a big fan of this method because I feel that it allows me to have better writing and more authentic messages and projects (rather than the things I force myself to work on) plus it allows me to do absolutely nothing in the future. 

That's right. Posts everywhere are going up when I set them and if ever I am struck by sadness, overwhelm, burnout or just the need to be lazy, I can do so with the knowledge that things will keep moving forward because I planned ahead. I recommend this because I find that this gives me more space to recharge but also to just breakdown. 

My last tip is to stay organized. I don't mean you have to keep a schedule or track everything on your calendar. I mean don't just let your ideas buzz around your head. One you'll forget it. Two you will forget everything else with it. I personally use evernote to keep track of my thoughts and tasks because I live the format and ability to structure everything by sections of my business. For appointments I use google calendars cause I can directions, alerts, color coding and estimated transportation time. 

That's it, Queen! Hope you found this helpful. 

Until next time

Finding the Beauty in Even the Harshest Life Lesson

Hello Queen,

I love learning lessons as an adult. I'm talking about the lessons you learn just from living your life while fully supporting yourself. Some lessons are beautiful or hilarious and others are deeply painful. I've learned that eating cherries in bed will stain your sheets red. I've learned that you need to hangout with people or you'll be lonely, sad and eventually angry. I've learned that if you eat nothing but carbs even if it's at you maintenance calories you will gain weight. And when you're an adult the things you get excited about might be a new mop or the chance to do nothing.

There are also painful lessons. Like the true costs of living outside of your means. How you pay for mistakes you make long after you make them. How trying really hard at something you hate will only make you sad. People will not always see you as you are. There will always be new battles and struggles. It pays to have a lawyer on your team. You get the point.

But as you all know, I believe in growing through lessons. While I might feel the sharp stabs of my mistakes, I also believe that they are meant to teach me something. I choose not to be the victim and spend hours on end trying to find solutions. Instead, I trust that all will work out and always know that I will be okay.

As with anything, choosing positivity in lessons isn't as easy as it sounds. Some lessons are so painful that you can't find the lesson at all. In the moment, how are you expected to look for the good in something that just hurt you? How do you find the positive lesson when you are drowning is resentment, despair, anger or sadness? It's too easy to slip into the mindset that you must be being punished. But queen, I want you to know that whatever you believe is TRUE. If you believe that you are being punished, then you are being punished. But if you choose to shift your mindset and believe instead that these lessons are happening for you, then that is TRUE.

Trust me, it's so much more pleasant to believe that everything happens for your growth than to believe otherwise. You may feel like you're lying to yourself at first, but you'll eventually start to believe yourself. And this is why I love all of life lessons. No matter what happens, I know that it's all working in my best interest and that I am always on the right path. That doesn't mean that I have to grin and bear it, but it does mean that I know there's a brighter side.

Remember, "Some storms come to clear your path"

Until next time!

Take a Break: Reassurance for the Uninspired Creative Entrepreneur

Hello Queen,

Many of you (like me) are in very creative fields. You may be designing products, writing blogs or other stories, filming and editing videos, thinking of fun and innovative ads, curating your Instagram or anything else. It's no surprise how much of our path to empires demands our creative energy. I recently took a break off blogging and slowed down on the number of posts I put out because I wanted to follow my inspiration.

I mean, you can tell if i'm not inspired because there's no passion behind my words. We already know that I am multi-passionate and can take on a million different tasks and projects. Because of that, I can jump from thing to thing and if I'm not feeling inspired to write my blog for instance, I can shift my focus to my email list, my book, my logos or branding, planning my Instagram and Pinterest posts and designing all of the free goodies I plan to give away to you all. It's great to know that it would be really hard for me to be bored when it comes to my business.

But, like any other human, I lose inspiration. Because my business depends on my ability to be creative,  I try to force it. And because I am an overachiever, I think less of myself if I am not able to be as creative as I want. I have said this before, but it's worth saying again. You are a human being, and you don't have to force yourself to be creative. Allow yourself to learn to take breaks now. Set that boundary with yourself so you don't find yourself 20 years down the line working every minute of every day.

Motivation will come and go. Inspiration will come and go. You might take a step back from one of your projects, but you are not worth any less than because of it. Your worth is not dependent on anything, including your ability to be creative. Rest that energy and trust that you are always on the right path even if you're not creatively hustling 24/7. Enjoy that rest girl!

Cash me at the Beach. Howbow da?
Photo by Hrvoje Grubisic on Unsplash

True Vulnerability: What do you do when you can't afford rent?

Hello Queen,

This is a serious post (as you can tell by the title) and one that I have been putting off for quite sometime. The reason is simple, I am ashamed of this part of my life. I preach to you the importance of not tying your sense of worth to any outside factor. I remind you the importance of thinking positively, embracing your emotions in a holistic and productive way and just to keep moving forward. However, I do this in vague ways sometimes. I speak to you about some of my struggles, but not about all of them.

I can't afford my rent on time this month. That is incredibly hard for me to admit because I am so deeply ashamed of this. By anyone's standards this is shameful. People will read this and think bad with money, irresponsible, stupid, bad planner and any negative word you can think of. You might read this and think I must have been spending money like crazy. I must have been buying things I couldn't afford, taking vacations, clubbing with my friends and just in general mismanaging my money and living outside of my means.

Hell, that's what I thought before I was in the situation. The truth is, I was unemployed for a few months and by the time I was fully employed I had to play catch up. I don't mean for a month or two. I mean for several months and still now. I haven't had the money to be frivolous. All of my shoes have holes in them because I can't afford to buy a new pair. I get paid well, but so much of my money gets sucked up by the other bills I can't afford to neglect. Student loans credit cards and transportation to work will take up more than half of my salary for one pay period. I get paid on a biweekly schedule, so the first of the month came and went, and half of my salary was gone to bills which means that I can't afford to pay the other part of my rent until halfway through the month.

My friend sent this to me and it is 100% accurate

This is terrifying to me, not because I tie my sense of worth to my ability to pay bills, but because getting evicted will literally leave me homeless. Because getting evicted will stay on my record and make it impossible for me to rent an apartment any time soon and therefore will mean I will struggle to locate housing for months (or even years) to come. I mean, who wouldn't worry about this. I so desperately want the money to just fall in my lap so I can pay my bills and continue to repair all of the damage done when I didn't have a dime to my name.

I toss and turn and think of any way I can find the rent. No one in my family makes the kind of money I need. I couldn't get a loan for the life of me. I worried that worrying would mean that I was attracting the very thing I am afraid of. I try my best to trust deeper and believe that everything will work out. I try to live my life positively regardless. I beat myself up for choosing to live in a place without a solid plan over a year ago. I try to find the lesson and believe with all of my heart that I am not being punished.

Well queen, it's hard; it really is. I struggle not to cry and think of the positive whenever I can. I mean, how do you find the bright side of not being able to pay the most important bill? I have to choose to believe that I must be experiencing this so I can share the story with you all. I want you to know that your financial situation says nothing about you. I want to remind you that where you are now is not where you will always be. I want you to know that your future is bright regardless of how bleak aspects of your life look.

But most of all, I want you to know that you are still a queen even as you crawl through the mud. You're not alone and please don't ever think that your struggles mean that you are not perfectly capable. Please don't ever think that you aren't worth more because of where you started or where you are now. You're not alone and you will always, always be okay. Your life is always blessed, even when it is far from perfect.

From Poor to Middle Class: Social Mobility and Wanting More out of Life

Hello Queens,

I like to think that by this point, you know me pretty well. Or at least you have a really good understanding of my personality. What you don't know is a lot about my background, so I want to talk about that today. I grew up poor. I'm talking if my family didn't have public assistance we would have been starving and homeless kind of poor. My mom worked (and continues to work) very hard to support herself and her family. She works at a job that puts a strain on her mental health and physical health. I knew firsthand that hard work does not always equal success because regardless of how hard my mom worked and how much she sacrificed, the truth is that minimum wage is not living wage almost anywhere in the country and especially not New York City.

Part of my burning ambition and desire for greatness and financial success comes from my desire to place my family in a better life. I want my mom to live the life that she deserves to live, not the one she was forced to. Like all children, I want my mom to be proud and to see that all of her hard work and sacrifice and tears did lead to happy and successful lives for her children. The things is that my mom had me later in her life, so I feel pressure to do this as soon as possible so my mom can enjoy her life for several years and preferably before she is a senior citizen.

You all know my struggles. You know my dreams, my hopes, my ambitions, my faults. There is pride in knowing that I have made it to middle class status. There is pride in knowing that I have gone so much further than anyone in my family has ever had. But then I have my moments where I'm like this is fun, but also weird. It's like this completely foreign world (that only existed on TV and midtown growing up) suddenly opened up to me. Many of my friends are white (as a kid the only white people I knew were my teachers), I shop at farmers markets, I've traveled more than most people I speak to. My friends work in professional fields. We go to theaters, museums and bars. I shop at Trader Joes and Whole Foods and not the corner bodega. I have a swimming pool and I go on vacations. I shop at Anne Taylor and Loft. I eat organically and juice my vegetables. I've dined at Michelin star restaurants and rub shoulders with doctors, lawyers, directors, professors, advisers, counselors, geneticists (which I can't even spell) and presidents. I work behind a desk in an air conditioned office with hour lunch breaks, full medical benefits and paid time off.

I am Tai when she's suddenly part of the cool crowd

I say this not to brag, but to bring attention to all of the things that I now I have that are in such sharp contrast to how I grew up. My favorite movie as a kid was Clueless because of how glamorous everything seemed. It feels like I suddenly looked around and almost all of it was mine. I heard a lot about economic mobility for low-income students. Well, I want to be real with you.

Yes, my income is much higher, but I also have a lot more bills (hello student loans, rent, utilities, transportation and credit cards). There are many times where I can't even afford all of my bills because of bad financial planning (thankfully I am almost out of that). But the biggest difference has actually been the social mobility and there's not as much emphasis on that. There might be a day when you're shopping at the farmer's market or sitting in a doctors office that looks nice and isn't filled to the brim which will feel surreal.

There may even be times when you feel tempted to settle in to where you are because you have so much more than people you know or you feel that it would be selfish and ungrateful to want more. Well Queen, you already know that you are grateful for all of things you have and how you live. But always know that you are a queen for a reason and that's because of your unwavering commitment to fulfilling your greatest destiny. So, never feel bad for wanting more and know that it is safe for you to level up.

The Power of Positive Thinking: How to Overcome Negativity You're Not Even Aware Of

Hello Queens,

Thanks for your patience as I have worked through some things going on in my life. But, I am back and I am inspired! So, I missed my bus this morning and I was raging. I'm talking full anger, tantrum, swearing, don't fucking look at me anger. Now I recognized this as a sign that I was very out of alignment. I decided to go to one of my old alignment practices that I hadn't done in a while and that is to write down all of the stories that were running around my head.

You might be thinking, what the heck does she mean by stories. I mean all the thoughts you allow to occupy your mind. I wrote all of that toxic shit down and realized something so important. A positive mindset takes work. It has been several weeks if not months since I have intentionally sat down and went through my positive mind habits. I allowed the arrogant part of myself to think that I was done with the positive mind work and I was full zen master now.

Yeah, that's not how it works. As I watched the list of the bullshit I was telling myself, I was amazed by how much toxicity I allowed to slip back into my life. Here's just a couple examples of stories I was telling without even realizing:

1. It is safer to be mediocre
2. Being angry means I won't get hurt
3. I'm bad at managing money so I shouldn't have any
4. I'm too selfish to be in a relationship
5. You can't eat delicious food and be fit, so I'd rather be fat

Yup, that's the kind of shit that slipped back into my life. What's scary is these are the thoughts that were running through my head and I still thought I was zen AF. I tell you this so you know that the road to success is not linear. Positivity and manifestation takes work and sometimes you'll slip. This doesn't say anything about you other than you are human. 

It's my hope that if you are reading this and just feel off that maybe this can help you be a bit kinder to yourself or give you a starting point to getting back to happy. 

Until next time, Queen. 

PMS, False Benefits and Lack of Motivation: How I Broke Through All That Shit

Hello My loves,

I have always made it my policy to be open and honest on this blog. So, I have been feeling really sad and withdrawn and kind of all over the place this week. I'm not going to use the term depressed, because I remember being depressed and that was just numbness and pain. I can feel the full range of emotions and I've just been in a shit mood.

If ever I was playing in victim mode, it was this week. How dare insurance not cover my dental work? Why is this bitch asking me so many questions? Why are people blocking the aisle?! Stop looking at me. I don't want to talk. Why is this happening to me? How can I make this work? I don't understand. I need a drink. I just want to go to sleep. I can't spend more time in this reality. Like I went full on back to emo me where all I did was read fanfiction, watch Youtube videos and drink everyday. Now, I was on my period. Yeah, I know.

There are already a ton of stereotypes about girls on their periods, but here's the thing. I got rid of my period because it fucked with my moods. I didn't get sad on my period. I was withdrawn and suicidal. It had been several years since I had my period, so that shit caught me off guard.

I was lost in my despair and while I recognized I was way out of alignment, I didn't do anything about it. And that brings us to the point of this blog. I was reaping false benefits from my shitty mood, so I stayed in a shitty mood. And I could use the excuse of my period to stay there. I convinced myself that it would pass and that I was allowed to be angry, sad, upset, victimized for the week.

So, I took a hiatus from life. Yup. I put a pause on that shit for days. Clean your house? Nope. Write your blog? Nope. Work on your email listserv? Nope. Cook? Nope. We all know that the best version of me loves to hangout, so I was upset with myself when I turned down six different invitations to hang out this week in favor of staying in bed.

Not my queenliest move, ya'll. Not my queenliest move. I've talked about false benefits before (first introduced to me when I read You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero), but I want to bring them up again. As much as it hurt me to act this way and as shitty as it made me feel about myself, I kept doing it. When I was younger, I called this intentionally inflecting pain, emotional cutting because the more it hurt, the more I kept doing it.

So, what are the false benefits I was getting from being in a shitty mood?

1. Attention: People were concerned about me and I subconsciously liked that I could get their sympathy. (Yes, I know that's fucked up).
2. I didn't have to do anything. Yup, I had an excuse so I could neglect my health, home, business, social life and dating life. Hygiene? Yup, fuck that shit. The gym? Who that?
3. False sense of power: I believed my pain allowed me to be an asshole, and though I never did so intentionally, I never felt bad if I was being a bitch. (Also fucked up and completely out of alignment)
4. I could not worry about anything. Something that has been bothering me is my shitty eating habits and the fact that I am gaining weight. That shit pisses me off, but I was in emotional pain, so I had an excuse to eat junk, not track and completely ignore my health. 
5. I could escape from reality. I convinced myself that life sucked. That meant that I could binge watch TV and read fanfiction all day long at the cost of everything else. 

Yeah, real honest time here. If the emotional hole I was in was not serving me in some way, I wouldn't have stayed in there. I subconsciously choose to be in a shitty mood for days because there were things that I liked about it. Then I remembered who the fuck I was. Listen queen, the minimal false benefits I reaped from playing in victim mode are nothing compared to the real benefits I get from playing life as the queen I was born to be and choosing happiness and gratitude.

The Sun Will Rise Again. 

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

Disclaimer: I am in no way applying this mentality to people with mental illness nor am I implying that people choose to be sad/depressed/anxious or anything like that in any way!