On Stepping Into the Unknown

Hello my beautiful queen.

Happy Tuesday! Honest check in with how I am feeling. I just made the decision to quit my job and girl it was scary AF. But what I realized was that I've been saying I would do this for a long time. And each time I was waiting because it wasn’t the right time. Girl, it’s never going to be the right time.

I will always have bills. I will always need a place to live. I will always have responsibilities. And I realized that If I waited for a day where these things would not be as big of a barrier, I would be waiting forever. There was a day where I was walking to work. And time just flashed. I imagined that I was still walking down this path, and the stores had changed but nothing else had. I was no longer 25, I was 28, then 30, then 35 and then I was dead. And all I could see was me walking down this same path, watching the stores change around me and promising myself that I would change my reality once I had enough money to free fall. Less than 10 seconds had passed but everything changed.

I almost cried when I came back to myself. I knew that the Universe was showing me what my life would look like if I didn’t make the change. It was a powerful reminder that there is never a right time, but that this was my path. That I was meant to forge forward with this in spite of the fear.
Jump and the net will appear and all that.

I’m not saying that you have to quit your job, as you can find happiness exactly where you are at if you give yourself permission to have it. But I can be open with you all and say that I tried for years to be happy with where I was at, but when it came to work, I just couldn’t find it. I would wake up every day angry and annoyed no matter how much I worked on my mindset. I knew that something had to change. I would either need to have a shift in my mindset, or I would need to let go of my job. I tried to shift my mindset around this, but I couldn’t. And I now know it’s because it wasn’t meant for me, not because I didn’t have the willpower to change my mindset.

I believe in my emotional guidance system and I knew that staying where I was and trying to convince myself that I was happy was not working for me. And so, I jumped.

The fear has not magically disappeared. But I can say with confidence that what I feel the most is peace with my decision. I have faith that things will work out, but to the version of me that feels the fear I would say:

It’s okay that you’re afraid. This is something you’ve never done and you’re going against the status quo. I believe everything will work out beautifully, but my love, even if it doesn’t, you will be okay. I know deep in my soul, that my greatest regret will not be doing this and failing. It would be not taking the risk at all and dying with the dream in my heart. So, bad decision or amazing decision, I won’t know until I jump. But at least I will know that no matter what happens on the other side, I fucking went for it. And that will bring me more peace than I can know.

So, to all of my beautiful queens, I am going to leave you with this reminder. The greatest way you can take your power away is by believing you have no power at all. It took me almost two years to make this decision, so have patience with your journey. But I want to leave you with this question.

Where are you allowing life to happen to you? Where are you denying yourself?

Much Love, Always,
Shar

Behind the Quarter-Life Queens Scene

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

So many exciting things are happening in the QLQ space. And it is no coincidence that as I work on myself and expanding my consciousness, QLQ grows with me.

You'll hear more about this soon, but for today, I want to share with you about a lesson I have been learning for over four months. And the beautiful things about lessons is that you learn about them exactly as you are meant to learn them. And they don't always require your conscious attention to unfold. What a beautiful moment of awareness this was.

I need to share with you how self-sabotage has showed up in my life. I think so many of us hear this term and think of the major ways we self-sabotage. While it is true that there are obvious ways we self-sabotage, more often we do so in subtle ways. I want to share this with you as an example of what this can look like and what I do to over come this behavior.

I have mentioned several times to you all that I have been focusing a lot of attention on social media. At the time, I thought I was focusing on social media because I genuinely loved and enjoyed the platform. Prior to starting QLQ, I wasn't really on social media. Sure, I had accounts, but I wasn't active and I used it more so as a means of distraction. A way to fill my moments of boredom.

But when I started QLQ I learned to love social media because it was a way for me to easily communicate with my queens who are in this space. As I have shared, healing is cyclical and stories exist on multiple layers. I have trained myself to view the experience of healing the same thing as a way for me to understand myself on an even deeper level--as opposed to believing that the universe is delivering the same lesson because I haven't learned it yet. My Universe does not engage in testing, nor does it question my worthiness or my ability to learn. It is simply an opportunity for me to learn more about myself. But I digress.

On the surface, I convinced myself that I was vibing so hard with social media because I liked having that open communication with my queens. But that didn't explain why I was throwing myself into it. It didn't explain the level of obsession I was developing with it.

My queen, you already know that I don't believe in hiding my missteps. I threw myself into social media and completely ignored all other aspects of my business. Developing courses, creating content for the blog, talking with my queens on the email list. All of it just fell to the side while I focused on social media. I learned that this was self-sabotage. And it was self-sabotage because I wasn't focusing on the mission of QLQ and I wasn't paying attention to how to grow it in the ways that I want it to grow.

If I am being completely honest with myself, I was once again chasing clout. The little girl in me who craved validation and wanted to be popular had taken over in this area of my life, but I didn't recognize her. Because this time she was partnered with my limiting belief that only the most popular, charismatic people can run a business. She loved social media because she could track how many people loved her via the level of engagement on the posts and the number of followers on the account.

And as the weeks passed, and the numbers did not change, I allowed myself to become obsessed with the numbers and how to increase them. Not because I believed it would make my business better or increase my ability to sell, but because it would make me feel more worthy.

This is not a new limiting belief. It is not something that I am unfamiliar with. It's that same story in a new area of my life. The wonderful thing is that I know this story and it's roots, so I can work through it.

I share this with you to let you know that it is okay if you stumble. It's okay if old patterns take over and it takes a while for you to catch on. You have the power to rewrite your stories and to change your patterns. Healing is cyclical and everything is designed to serve your growth.

I also share to let you know that self-sabotage is not always obvious. Sometimes it appears in your life disguised as something else. The deeper your go with your practice and the more you commit to understanding your self, the easier it will get for you to notice your patterns and the habits of your ego. The easier it will get to correct and flow through your life.

I have been doing personal development work for 8 years, and I still have moments like this. But now i get excited when things like this happen, because now I understand myself in a way that I previously did not.

If you're curious about how else self-sabotage can show up in your life, I recorded an entire podcast episode about self-sabotage in my own life. The link is below.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Give Yourself Permission to Figure it out

It's okay if you don't have everything figured out right now.

We can spend so much time feeling like we're falling behind or that we are inadequate for not knowing exactly what we want and exactly how to get it. This is something that used to really bother me.

I felt like I needed to know what career I wanted

I needed to know who and when I would marry

I needed to know if I wanted kids

I needed to know where I wanted to live for the rest of my life

And it just felt so inauthentic. Because I'm all about flow. I never liked being told what to do. I never liked people setting expectations for me. I knew even from the youngest age that it was all bullshit. Hell, I don't even like my alarm telling me what time I need to wake up. I'll wake up when I'm good and ready. And I was here to explore my life and my journey and just to enjoy it. I was here to explore what it meant to be me.

But sitting here, I once again feel this pressure. But this time in my business. Making the decision that where you are now is not where you want to be is scary. I will never deny that, and I am so proud of you for making that decision. Making the decision that you are an entrepreneur and you want to own an empire is fucking terrifying. 

Once I seriously decided, my brain scrambled and all of my feelings of unworthiness came up. I felt the need to gather all of the information I could get my hands on to learn how to build a business and how to be an effective coach. And I quickly learned that no amount of information or knowledge was going to make up for my feelings of inadequacy. It was not that I did not know enough. It was that I didn't feel like I was enough. I learned that if I wanted to build a business that has always existed in my heart, I had to heal. I had to be okay with not knowing it all and be willing to figure it out.

In my business, the first thing I had to learn to be okay with figuring out is my niche. I had to be okay with allowing myself to figure out who my ideal audience is. I had to be okay with learning to understand her and myself. If I could tell you anything, it would be to follow your flow of inspiration. It is okay if in the beginning, your content feels all over the place. You are still finding yourself, your voice and your niche. Trust that what you feel called to speak about is what you are meant to share.

As you get into the flow of creating content, you will notice a theme begin to unfold. You will notice what lights you up to talk about. And this, my love, is how you find your niche. This is how you come into yourself in your business.

As women especially, the business space can feel incredibly intimidating.

Because it felt like everyone else already knew that. And comparison truly is the thief of joy. Here's the thing, Queen. No one knows what the fuck they are doing. No one!! We decided to come to earth to explore our humanness and learn what it feels like to figure it out. It's all a game rigged to help us explore ourselves on the deepest level through our experiences.

You are behind on nothing. Your path is unfolding in exactly the way that it is meant to. Everything happens for you.