Top Ten Highlights of 2017: Welcoming the new year

Hi everyone,

I hope that you are all having a lovely weekend. It is snowing here in New York which means that I am staying inside today. I find myself eagerly anticipating the new year, one because I know that it will be a great year, and two because 2017 was a struggle. Or at least I have realized that I started viewing 2017 as this awful year that almost ruined my life. We're not about that on here. Instead of focusing on all of the bad that happened in 2017, I decided to shift my perspective. I'm ringing in the new year by saying a hearty thank you for just 10 incredible things that I got to do in 2017. 

1. Going to Miami and chilling in a private cabana on the beach. Plus being day drunk for the entirety of my trip. This was my first solo trip that was a getaway and not an adventure/touristy one. This was also the weekend that my niece was born. You can tell how much I love y'all cause I'm letting you see my crazy baby hairs post swim while I get day drunk.

2. Going to Costa Rica. Hands down the most beautiful place I have ever been. The people were so lovely and anytime I got to latin american countries, I feel so in touch with my hispanic heritage.

Chilling on the boat party on the way to the beach

If you like Pina Coladas (sorry I had to). Fun fact: I still drink Pina Coladas even though I'm allergic to pineapple

3. Releasing my fears. I went white water rafting, real zip lining and I rode a horse. Drowning is one of my worst fears and shooting across a jungle on a line was terrifying, but I did both. I braved rapids, and came out on the other side. I also have a video on my channel about my time in Costa Rica.

Note the look of excited horror on my face. 

4. Finishing my master's thesis. This paper took up 9 months of my life and once I was done with the last edits and hit submit, I can't even explain the euphoria.
5. Graduating from UPenn. This was unbelievable for me because as a teenager I didn't think I would get the chance to go to an ivy league, and I proved to myself that not only could I go to one, I could graduate from one. Plus graduating is always an amazing feeling. I sadly only have video of this day and no pics.
6. Shortly aftet graduating, I took a week long luxury solo trip to Mexico! I had always wanted to go to Mexico, but could never find anyone who could afford to come or that wanted to come. So, I went by myself. That was absolutely terrifying, but I had the best, most relaxing time. Plus there were hella cute boys and unlimited free food and drinks.

7. Because grad school is weird, everyone had one more month of class post graduation. During this month, I received news that my master's thesis received distinction. #blessed.
8. To celebrate my new job and completion of my master's program, my best friend and I took a last minute trip to Tokyo. Now this was a dream that my pre-teen self would have died to live. I made it my reality and had the best time ever.

Kawaii Monster Cafe

Sushi train with new pals

Pre-game cocktails at the Whiskey Library.  Lol this took us so long to find, but it was so worth it. 

Traditional Karoke. Of course, I'm singing Moana. We had so much fun we took an extra hour by accident. 

9. I got to be a boss in an awesome summer program and help new students learn to navigate college. Plus we went on some dope trips. Wildwood was awesome (an amusement park/boardwalk) in New Jersey.

10. I got a job in a study abroad office. This had been my goal for several years, and I was finally able to do so. It has been everything I thought it would be and more. I am lucky enough to have amazing coworkers and a wonderful boss. I also got a second job working with alumnae and students with another cool boss.

Thank you so much for reading this post. I am so infinitely grateful for your presence in my life and for your support. If you too feel like 2017 was a shitty year, or you just want to think of something positive, then I encourage you to reflect on ten amazing things that happened in 2017. I would love to hear about your highlights in the comments below. Thank you my loves! I will see you in 2018. 

Reflection and Visualization: Preparation for the New Year

Good Morning my loves,

It is the weekend of the new year, and I have one thing on my mind: Getting ready for 2018. I feel like 2018 is going to be a year of amazing changes, and I want to make sure that I am prepared for the new year. That's right, I'm coming at you with a new year, new me post (DON'T CLICK AWAY IN HORROR, I PROMISE IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE).

I won't make this long, but I did come across something that inspired me to right this post and that is Nodus Tollens: "the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore-- that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don't understand, that don't even seem to belong in the same genre..." Now is a great time to reflect both on 2017 but also your future. 

1. Is there something in your life that you feel unhappy with?
2. What went really well in 2017? What absolutely sucked?
3. Where do you want your life to go and what can you do now to get there?
4. Who do you want to be? Why? 
5. How will you start living like your ideal self?
6. What both scares and excites you? 
7. How can you make 2018 the best year?

I will be reflecting on these questions as well. I want to make sure that I enter 2018 with a clear mindset and a clear understanding of what I want. I also need to know what has not worked in the past, so that I can understand the lessons that I have learned in the past. The last thing that I want to do is keep learning the same lesson again and again (trust me life lessons can be harsh as hell). 

There are a lot of amazing things that I know are coming to me in 2018. Now I just need to get my energy to match that. 

ACCEPTING YOUR GREATNESS

Good Morning My Loves,

Happy Christmas Eve if you celebrate. If not, then happy Sunday. It is currently 8AM and I felt the need to post, but I'm not sure about what.

No, that's a lie. I do know what I want to post about. I can feel it in my bones that 2018 is a year of greatness and immense progress towards goals. There are so many amazing and scary things that I'm planning to do in 2018 that I sometimes find myself absolutely terrified and excited at the same time. I feel like I'm going full speed ahead towards a future that I worry that I don't know how to handle. Yet, when I sit in silence, I realize that I am more than ready and prepared to launch my empire. I am ready to welcome all of the abundance that will enter my life in 2018, and so are you.

I wanted to come on here and say to any other queen that your future is so bright! 2018 is a year of actualization for all of us, and I don't want you to be afraid. You are amazing. You are brave, you are incredible and this is your destiny.

I can't get rid of the fear for you, but one of the best things that I've ever heard is that fear and excitement feel the exact same way in the body. The difference is mind set. While it may be terrifying to take the throne of an empire that you are just building, it is time for us all to do so.

It feels very weird to have a post that's not 20 pages long, but that is genuinely all that I have to say. As always, please feel free to leave a comment if there is something you would like me to talk about in a post, and I would be happy to do so.

Alright my loves, get ready because it's time to put your crowns on.

Gaining Weight Post Weight Loss: Loving Yourself Where You Are At

'ello my Loves!

I hope that you are all having a fantubulous holiday season. And if none of your holidays are in December or you don't celebrate, then I hope you're having a fantastic December.

Please excuse your girl as she adjusts to her new job. I will still be posting, but as you can tell, I've given up on blogmas. Quality over quantity won. But, I shall still be posting two to three times a week so make sure to stay tuned.

Anyway, I'm coming at you today with a post about body positivity. More specifically, dealing with weight gain post weight loss. Now, I know that this blog is all about building your empire, but the heart of your empire is YOU! If you're not feeling confident in yourself, then it will be very hard to be confident in your dreams.

A little bit of background is that I used to be fifty pounds heavier before I dropped it all in the span of a year. Over the past four or so years, I have gained 20 pounds of it back and am now the heaviest I've been since I was eighteen. This is a terrible feeling that has contributed a lot to the anger and resentment that took over my life for a few weeks. Anyone who has lost weight and gained it back knows what it's like to literally feel every ounce of fat on your body as the weight of failure. But, I'm going to talk to you about how I have come to grips with my weight gain and love my body as it is.

First, I realized that shaming myself would only make me hate myself, not motivate me to lose weight.

Second, I accepted that what I was doing to maintain my weight loss and continue to lose weight was not working. My calorie count may be well below my maintenance level, but I've been at a deficit for so long that my body has adjusted. My diet also consists of 60-75 percent carb and minimal, fat, protein and micro nutrients. So, I reassessed and adjusted.

Third, I learned to be patient. I didn't gain weight in five minutes, so I'm not going to lose it in five minutes.

Finally, I learned to be grateful. While I may not be my ideal weight, my body is still capable of doing so many amazing things. I learned to focus on the good (I can see, I can listen to music, I can walk, I'm healthy, I can think and write and read and move and sleep well and digest food and I don't have allergies etc...) and not the bad (I'm heavier than I want to be). This last one is the most important piece of advice I could give you. Changing your perspective from a mindset of lack to one of gratitude will change your entire life.

As always, I hope that you enjoyed this post, and I can't wait to see you next time. By my loves

10 Ways To Get Out of a Negative State of Mind

Hello My Lovelies,

You may be wondering, where the hell have I been? Girl, I started a new job (yay!) but that's not why I've been gone. I started this blog as a source of positivity and to inspire other women to follow their dreams. I vowed to be honest, vulnerable and authentic with my audience. This blog is my heart and soul and as such is often a reflection of where I'm at in life. I am honest with you both with my joys and my failures because I want everyone to know that the path to success isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I want you to know that it's okay for you to feel your emotions like a person and that you don't have to be a robot of inspiration to achieve greatness.

That being said, I've found myself so lost in my feelings that I began to hate myself. I'm angry, resentful, stressed out, insecure and like I'm on the verge of a break down. All of my posts started to reflect that and I'm not trying to turn this blog into that, so I took a step back. I want this to be a positive space, and now I'm back!

Yes, that is a Halloween reference at Christmas time. Sorry, not sorry.

Now this post is more about what I'm doing to get out of my funk and focus more intently on the amazing things that are to come. For any other queen who is feeling lost as hell and overwhelmed by your emotions, this post is for you. I always preach that you need to let your feelings run their course, but I forgot that sometimes feelings can take over your whole life. I reached the point where sadness and anger became my whole life, and I've had enough. That bitch had her chance and now she's being greedy. 

So, without further ado, here are ten things that I do to bust myself out of this negative Nancy prison. 

1. Get grateful: For me a lot of my resentment and anger came from a place of stress. And I stressed because I could only focus on what I didn't have and trying to figure out how the hell to get it. Instead, I am choosing to focus on what I do have and be infinitely grateful for it. One way I do this is by writing down 10 things I'm grateful for every night. This helps to shift my perspective. 
2. Go to the gym: I gain weight very easily, which causes me to be terribly insecure and even angrier because my clothes don't fit. Going to the gym allows me to feel more in control of my body, plus it makes me feel really good (endorphin's). 
3. Play: Too much stress will kill your fucking vibe. If you feel like you're about to have a heart attack every single night, then it's time to play. By this I mean go do something new and exciting. Hang out with a friend, take a walk. Whatever it is going to take to get you out of your house and shaking up your routine.
4. Reconnect to things that make me happy: When you're caught up in the stress of being an adult, it's easy to focus on responsibilities and not on what makes you happy. I do more of what makes me happy so that I can be distracted from the stress and so that my life doesn't feel like one long as prison sentence with bills as the warden.
5. Journal about my vision: Caught up in my feelings, lost the dream. When it feels like I'm holding up the entire weight of the world, I sit down and write what I want out of life. I'm very detailed (Where do I live? What does my house look like? What does my day look like? Where do I eat? What do I wear etc...). If I don't remind myself of what I'm working towards, then it is too easy to get lost in trying to survive. 
6. Meditate on my feelings and allow them to pass: Simple, being numb does not serve my purpose. I think about what my feelings are trying to tell me and then I let that shit go.
7. Worry less: Worrying is a form of control. Me worrying about something and planning for the worst only causes me pain and does not make my problem go away. So, I focus on the good.
8. Get inspired (got a whole lot of posts about where I turn to when I need inspiration): Sometimes, you need to hear it from someone else. I find that no matter what I tell myself, I can't seem to shake it, so I listen to someone else and they shake it out for me. 
9. Laugh: It is the bets medicine. I watch comedy movies, stand up and read hilarious stories so that I can get a laugh. 
10. Develop a hobby: My entire life became worry, so I decided that I had too much damn free time on my hand. My hobbies are now painting, creating content and crafts. I'm always looking for new hobbies. 

That's it. That's everything I'm doing to lift myself out of this terrible mood. I hope that you find this helpful and let me know if you tried one of these tips. Now go forth into the New Year. 

NO MORE SAD SONGS! Walking into 2018 like

So, You think She's a Bitch (Cutting People Out of Your Life)

Ya'll, I've got to be honest and say that it's day ten of blogmas and I'm already dead.

But, I've set myself the challenge of not just posting everyday until Christmas, but posting content that I like everyday till Christmas, so onwards we go.

I spoke about heartbreak in an earlier post, and now I'm going to talk about heartbreak in the realm of friendship. One thing that I've found is that as I became more focused on my goals and determined to live my best life some people go away.

It is so important that people you surround yourself with are also going after their dreams or at the very least not resentful of you going after yours. So, what do you do when someone you've been friends with for years and is an integral part of your life no longer fits?

One size does not fit all, but I can tell you what I did and why it made such a difference in how I felt about myself and my dreams.

One, pinpoint what it is in that friendship that's not working. Do you feel upset that your friends not living up to their full potential? Do you feel like you're always trying to lift them up? Or is that they have become resentful of you? Something different? Whatever the reason the friendship isn't working anymore, you need to get clear otherwise you can't move forward with a clear mind.

Two, have an honest conversation with this person (if you're interested in preserving the friendship). Now that you know what's bothering you, if it's something that can be changed, then talk to the person. Let them know how you feel and what they are doing to make you feel that way. Maybe this person only ever comes to you when they want to gossip, or maybe they always have a snide comment. Speak honestly and know that this conversation may not save your friendship. Be prepared both to stay and to leave.

However, if what's bothering you is the persons personality or where they are in life, then you should know that it's not your job to push someone who's not ready to go after their dreams. It's exhausting for you, and annoying for the other person (trust me, I've been there). I get it. You want to see this person be the best version of themselves too and you can see all of the ways they hold themselves back, but it's not your place to fix them.

I had to let go of my absolute best friend because we no longer clicked. Our visions and energy did not align which caused a lot of friction. It's not easy to let go of someone who was important to you, but it's much harder to stay in a situation that uses up all of your energy. Sometimes you'll miss this person, but ultimately, you're clearing the way for new friends and dreams. Sometimes building an empire means cutting connections.

The takeaway is that people grow apart. On your path to greatness you will lose people and that is okay. She is not a bitch, and you are not a bitch for removing her from your life.

Thirteen Looks to Rock the Holidays (No Matter What You're Doing)

Hello my beautiful quarter life queens. I am back twice in one day because as you all know, yesterday took an L. Since today's post was a lot heavier, I thought I would do something lighter and more in tune with the holiday. Fashion, baby! Although I will not be purchasing anything anytime soon, some of you out there may be wondering what the heck you're going to wear this holiday season. 

So, I bring you holiday looks to reflect your badass queenly attitude. The following are all items that I personally love, but I tried to include as many different kinds of looks as possible. I love dressing up, but I want to emphasize that if you want to chill in your sweat pants this season, then rock it boo. 

Now onward with this post with no pictures (copyright infringement is hella real). Instead, I have given all the looks names. I hope saves you from having to scroll through sites for twenty years. 

You this holiday season: What's that? You think I look like an angel. 

Living your 80's Dreams

I Have Arrived

Be A Little Extra

Hitting the Club Like

Soft and Pretty

Senorita

Dark and Sexy

Bohemian Princess

Living Your Pretty Little Liars Fantasy

Stepford Wife

I Have Graced You With My Presence

Let's Dance

Can We Wrap This Up? Free drinks end at midnight

Ending 2017 like:

Feeling Like You're Drowning

Hello My Lovelies,

I hope you're all doing well on this wonderful day. It is snowing here in the northeast region, and I am sitting at my desk curled up in a soft blue blanket contemplating life. This post is going to be a combo of sad and inspiring (I hope), so prepare yourselves. As you all know, I think it's so important that I'm one hundred percent honest with you. Not just because I'm naturally open, but because as a lover of self-help materials, one thing I wish I saw more of is people struggling.

The book, or the podcast, or the video comes to us after this person has mastered their life and achieved success (or so it seems). This is incredible and inspiring, but on those days that I feel like shit and am resentful, I wish I could read content about someone else who is going through the same thing so I don't feel like such a failure when I'm not kittens and rainbows all the time.

Sometimes life just fucking sucks and that does not mean that you are ungrateful or that the universe will snub you because your heart is broken. After all:

I start my second job this Monday. After months of looking, I am finally full time employed, although not in the traditional way. I am overjoyed, but my happiness is being eclipsed by the reality of being an adult. I worry heavily about how I'm going to pay for things. My student loans, my rent, how I'm going to eat, how I'm going to get to work all sink me. 

I look around at what I have and am infinitely grateful but also resentful because I think: how could this be me? I worked so hard so I would not have to struggle and yet I find myself here. I crunch numbers again and again and each time a little piece of my heart shatters. 

But, I keep moving. I have been a control freak for my entire life and I need to accept that somethings are out of my control. No matter how much I cry about it, I know in my soul that I am where I am meant to be. I believe in a kind universe and I know that everything will work out in my best interest. So, as hard as it is, I try not to worry, but still I can feel the sharp stabs of despair in my heart. 

And that is okay. All of my emotions have a purpose in my life. It is okay if I allow myself to feel sad and wallow. It is okay if you feel sad. It is okay for you to be depressed and angry. After nearly two decades of repressing my emotions, I know how important it is to let them run their course and let them go. Trust me, if you don't they always come back until one day you are completely shattered. 

If you're at the point in your life where you feel out of control. You feel abandoned and lost and maybe you come home and cry and stuff your face with donuts because who cares what you look like your life is over, then I hope that this post helps you. I hope that this blog helps you see that you are a queen always even if sometimes you are a very sad one. 

None of us are without our struggles (regardless of what it seems like), but remember your struggles do not define you and do not determine your worth. Stay strong.

So People Think You're a Bitch

Hello my lovely readers! Can I just say that your girl has been on this thing where she hasn't drank in hard liquor in a few weeks. I drank tequila a while back ago and felt like such utter shit that I was like I'm never drinking again. It seriously triggered my anxiety and depression.

Well, I'm proud to say that I've stuck to that no drinking thing because I adjusted my initial statement to "I will never drink clear liquor ever again". So, I tried to go to the liquor store to pick up some wine only to realize that I forgot my ID when I was all the way down there. I took that as a sign from the universe that I was not meant to drink tonight.

Anyway my lovelies, I wanted to continue on my trend of talking about other people's perceptions of you. Particularly those of us who are more assertive and no nonsense because jeez, no one likes being called a bitch. Now, let me be clear and say that no one has called me a bitch in a while, but I know that this is something that assertive women face. You state your own opinion or demand the best and suddenly you're a bitch.

Listen, I'm going to keep it short and say that others opinions don't matter. Going after your dreams can make others resentful. Demanding what you want may get you called a bitch, but oh well. There is nothing wrong with being assertive. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being no nonsense about it. Others may try to get you to be softer, but as long as you're not going around purposely making people feel like shit, then it doesn't matter.

I tell you this because at one point I started believing that I was a bitch and that didn't do anything for me. I tell you this so that you can know what I know now.

You are a boss, you are a queen and you are running an empire. Don't let anyone tear you down and don't start calling yourself a bitch because others see you like that. Jen Sincero once said that the world is full of billions of mirrors. Whatever someone doesn't like about you is just a reflection of what they don't like about themselves.

So go on with your bad and boujee self and take zero shit from anyone.

Why My Blogmas Has Nothing To Do With Christmas

Okay, it's blogmas whatever day this is, and I'm sure by now you've noticed that I'm not following the usual blogmas format. Although I am posting everyday, I'm not following the Christmas/cheery holiday format. I know and it's on purpose!

This blog is absolutely not about negativity, but I must be honest and say that Christmas is not my favorite holiday. I love the holiday, but I'm not one of those people that plays holiday music all month long. I'm not all rosy cheeked and decking the halls with joy.

The rest of the world v Me

In this picture, I am definitely the grinch, although I'm not out here trying to kill anyone's Christmas mood. The whole point is that I'm not following the traditional format because I don't have enough Christmas spirit to do it.

I'm doing blogmas because I love the challenge and I like the idea of putting new content into the world everyday. So for the most part, these blogmas posts will have nothing to do with the holidays except for one or two posts. Hopefully you find that refreshing and not depressing.

And that's okay! Let the world relish in their holiday joy and relish in your own joy. This blog is all about being yourself and following your dreams. Well, this is me. I shall unapologetically continue to be my non-Christmas obsessed self. And if you don't like Christmas, then girl do you!

Now New Years though

TURN UP!

Bye my loves. See ya tomorrow

All or Nothing: Are You too Rigid?

Hello my lovely readers! How are ya'll doing on this wonderful blogmas day. Not even going to lie: I have no idea what blogmas day this is. My apologies for missing yesterdays blogmas. Your girl is putting in hella overtime this week and didn't get home till 9:10 where she promptly knocked out. I'm sorry!

I'll do better! So, today I want to talk to you about something that I'm not sure I know the answer to. I've been told that I have a very black and white attitude. In my mind it either is or it isn't. You do or you do not. I have worked at understanding that the world is more nuanced than that, but there are certain parts of my life where I still have an all or nothing attitude. 

Are any of you the same way? Do you see it as a good thing or a bad thing. Some people see my view as a negative thing, while others see it as qualities of a boss. I feel like I'm trapped somewhere in the middle. I love that I have this attitude because it means that I hold myself to very high standards. I can be honest with myself and say if I didn't do something it's because I didn't want to. It also means that I'm not willing to settle for less than what I will happily take.

At the same time, is it ungrateful to say like thanks for the offer, but no? Is it bad to be so rigid with some parts of your life? 

For me, the answer is no. Yes, be flexible and trust your gut, but don't compromise your happiness and vision because you think your standards are too high (or worse because others tell you your standards are too high).  

The takeaway is that it is okay to have an all or nothing attitude when it comes to your dreams. Be rigid in your goals but flexible in your methods. 

As always, I hope that you enjoyed this! Also, I have a plan for what I will upload during blogmas, but if there is anything you want me to write about please let me know in the comments or on one of my social media platforms. I would be happy to make a post about what you want to read.

Lots of love,

Sharlene

Vulnerability: My Battle with Depression

The following is an excerpt of something I wrote to myself. It is deeply personal, but so important to share. While I am usually a positive person, this is a part of my life. I don't want anyone out there to think that they have to be this perfect, happy person 24/7 to be successful. I want you to know that it is okay to be vulnerable and to feel pain by being vulnerable and sharing my pain.

My vibration is low. I’m feeling lost, overwhelmed, resentful and victimized. This belief comes from the idea that I’m not good enough. That people don’t see my worth no matter how hard I try (a core fear that was rooted in childhood. I hate feeling undervalued). That i’ll always have to work twice as hard to get half as far because of my race, background and gender. That the world is slanted against me and I should just die. I can feel depression creeping into my life, and to be truthful I have spent my entire life running from depression.

When I first started to feel happy after being depressed for years, I had this anxiety about becoming depressed again. I described this fear as being at the mouth of a dark hole desperately trying to cling to surface, but I can feel myself getting pulled in deeper so I dig my nails into the concrete until my fingers bleed. Truthfully, I have felt like this many times and this is still my number one fear. I’m terrified to go back to that part of my life. I’m scared that I’ll give into the depression and spend more years of my life wishing I was dead.

This has always been my greatest weakness.I don’t know why I keep getting surprised when these negative feelings keep resurfacing. I keep pushing them away. I say positive vibes only, but sometimes I feel like shit. I feel stupid, worthless, fat, unlovable, naive and just like trash. I need to face these feelings and I need to face my depression otherwise they’ll keep interfering with my goals and my vibration.

It’s time to be honest with myself. I still struggle with bouts of depression. Sometimes my vibration isn't high. Sometimes I doubt myself. Sometimes I think of suicide, yet this is not who I am. My feelings are not a reflection of who I am, but they are a sign.

I’ve always believed in faking it till you make it. Well it’s time to stop faking it and put in the work to grow as a person by facing what I’ve been running away from: the emotions I don't like.

So, I say pause to everything that is going on around me because I need to work on me. I’m still going after my dreams, nothing has changed in that regard, but I’m resetting myself so that my energy matches my desires.

I have been working on this for over a month, and I have to say that I feel a million times better. I still have my moments when I feel like this, but being honest and vulnerable with myself has made facing my demons just a little bit easier. Accepting and repressing my emotions has made all the difference.

Honesty: My Struggles and Why I'm Not Worried

"I done did everything except worry"- Big Sean

Hi y'all and welcome to day two of blogmas! I have to say my holiday cheer is going up, and I am so damn excited for 2018. Today, I want to practice what I preach and that is honesty with my audience.

I don't even know who reads this blog, but I just have to say that I love you all so much. And I mean that genuinely. I love you, and I know that you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Now, enough of the cheesiness. It's time for some honesty. So, I've been employed part-time for almost two months and it has been absolutely amazing. I feel like I have accomplished so much in these two months and I am grateful everyday that I have an amazing boss.

However, your girl still has full time bills. I struggled so hard to pay my rent for a while. I cried and cried because it felt like I couldn't do anything right. I had applied to over a hundred jobs at that point and I was throwing myself a pity party. Y'all know that I saw the light and saw my struggle for what it was: a redirection.

Now, here I am in December and I am up for a position that is everything that I wanted from a job. It is part time as well, but two part time jobs make a full time.

But, the title of this blog is honesty, and I have to tell you that I'm missing two thirds of my rent and that shit is overdue. I have to be honest and tell you that I get paid hourly and come January, I may be short again because colleges are closed during the holiday break and I won't be getting paid.

This is my current situation and now I'm going to tell you why I'm not worried.

1. I am one thousand percent certain that I am meant for greatness
2. I don't let my circumstances dictate how I feel about myself and what I can do
3. I know that everything will work out as it is meant to
4. I believe in a kind and giving universe. Everything that happens will only push me towards my end goal
5. This isn't the end of the world. I always remember that

I hope that my honesty helps out any other girl out there who's trying to build her empire but feels like she's crumbling under the weight of her circumstances. You are a queen regardless of what is happening to you, and I want you to know that always. 

And it the words of another queen, Laura Lee: Keep it moving. 

Lots of love always and remember, you know how to bounce back. 

Gifts (NOT STATIONERY) for the Badass Queen in Your life

What? No, this isn't just a list of stuff that I want. 

Haha, no, but in all seriousness, I got really tired of seeing the same things repeated over and over in gift guides. Just because she's a badass doesn't mean she wants stationary and a watch all fucking day.  So, this is for that one friend in your life who is a total badass and seems to have it all. I tried to incorporate as many different things as possible. Hopefully, you find something that you think is perfect. I'm sorry for the no pictures y'all! Copy right is real, and I respect that. 

Brush Holder

To Remind Her that She is Loved Always

To Remind her to Relax

For the Chef who hates to clean

The Best Eye Shadow Palette in the World

Plus Some Brushes to go with it

A Book To Feed Her Soul

For the Crafty Friend You're Willing to Splurge on

For all of those "business" trips

Getting In Touch with Your Intuition: Eliminating the Maybes, So You Can Go After What You Really Want

Earlier I wrote a post about struggling with distinguishing between the voices of my ego, my mind and my intuition. You may be asking yourself what's the difference? Well, you're in luck because I'm going to explain it as I see it. The difference is quite simple. The ego and the mind have been heavily biased by life and have learned to be afraid. The intuition knows, is calm and always speaks to help you achieve your highest potential. That's it.

Well,  I've decided to kick-off this blogmas (I know, am I crazy?) by talking to you about something I learned on the Lively show podcast: how to get in touch with your intuition. One of the most powerful lessons for me was that so often your ego and mind are shouting so loudly that you can't hear your intuition (even though it is always speaking to you).

So, how the heck do you drown out all of that other noise and speak to your intuition? First, I want you to empty your mind

Great, now think clearly about what is that you're struggling with. Really think about it and allow it to occupy space in your mind. While this can sometimes be painful, it's important that it's occupying all of your thoughts so you don't get mixed signals.

Once you feel at least kind of centered, begin to ask yourself questions. I was amazed by how simple and effective this was for me. Your intuition speaks calmly, so the first answer that comes into your head that is spoken calmly (important because if it's yelling that you're a dumbass that ain't your intuition) is your answer. And the best part is that the answer never changes! That's right, no matter how desperate or sad you're feeling the answer will still be the same.

I can't describe how insightful doing this has been for me. Not only has it given more confidence in knowing what I want and what I am capable of, it has allowed me to learn to let go because I no longer see a trillion maybes in front of me.

I highly recommend that you try this out if you too feel like you're being pulled in a million directions. I also recommend that you check out the Lively Show (podcast) if you're looking for some calm guidance on the path to your empire.

And as it is blogmas, I shall see you all tomorrow.

Why You Need to Follow Your Dreams

Hello my lovely readers! How is everyone doing today? Warning, that I'm about to get hella meta (hello inner philosopher).

I have to say, I'm having one of those days where I just feel super connected to the universe and appreciative for what I have. And, I like blew my own mind this morning, so I just had to get on here and tell you this.

I really struggled with the idea of being successful because although I know that I am meant for greatness, I also know that greatness comes with a lot of responsibility. Like anyone else, I asked myself who am I to go after my dreams so whole heartedly? Why do I deserve my best future? Is living greatly selfish/greedy?

I finally realized why it's so important that I chase my dreams and accomplish shit that I want to accomplish. Going after what you want is important not only because it shows gratitude for the life that you have, but because you are a part of someone else's destiny!

You might be thinking to yourself: "Shar, you've gone of the deep end," but hear me out. Have you ever had an aha moment, or stumbled across something that really changed your life? For me, as a teenager when I was severely depressed, music and books saved me. Anyone who has been an angst ridden and depressed teen will relate. Where would I be if those musicians and authors were like nah I don't feel like it and gave up on their dreams?

As an adult the moments were different. I got to the point where I began writing Queendom because of all that I learned and felt from other badass inspirational people. They helped me get to where I am now by following their own dreams. Would I be going after my dreams if they had decided to stick to safety?

It's no different for any of us looking to change our lives and follow our dreams.  If you're at the point where you're like: "why the heck should I be the one to follow my dreams?" and living your best life is not a good enough answer for you, then know it's because you will have an impact on someone else's life. Maybe it's your business, book, blog, videos, music, whatever that saves someone's life or helps someone out of a hard time or inspires someone who will change the world. That is the connection between all of our destinies.

Eight Tips for Getting Out of an Unemployment Funk

So, you feel like shit.

You've applied to what seems like hundreds of jobs just to have doors close in your face. You keep asking for answers but the only thing you hear is bitch, you're a dumbass. You feel worthless, and lost and stupid and just have no idea what to do, but have no choice but to take action.

If this sounds like you, then you're not alone. In America, we say education is the key to a good future, and if you don't get what you want it's because you didn't work hard enough. Then you find yourself highly educated, unemployed and contemplating taking a 10 dollar and hour job just so you can eat. It's hard not to beat yourself up in this moment. To not feel angry, helpless, resentful, jealous, suicidal, anxious and just like a giant pile of crap would be a miracle. You all know that I have been there, but I'm going to share with you what helped me get out of this dark space.

If you've stumbled across this blog, it's because you're looking for something different. Maybe you feel like you're drowning, or you're just looking for a new approach. I hope you're ready to read and process this information, and if you're not, that's okay. Sometimes you just need to grieve, so allow yourself that time and come back to this.

1. I forgave myself. Again and again I told myself that I was the one to blame. I couldn't find a job because I was stupid and worthless and everyone else could see that. I couldn't stand up to the competition. I'm sure you know how much of a toll that takes, so I had to forgive myself. I forgave myself for being so harsh and hateful. 
2. I shifted my perspective. I reminded myself that I couldn't find a job because where I was looking did not serve my purpose. Doors weren't shutting in my face, I was being redirected because I was meant for something greater. 
3. I became grateful and began to see the good in everything. Everyday is a win, because everyday I wake up, I'm warm and have the ability to achieve greatness. 
4. I followed my passion. Shit, I was already poor, so there was no reason to be miserable. Everything that I tried wasn't working, so I just started doing things that I loved. I read more, I started this blog, I started writing again, I relaunched my YouTube channel. I looked to bring happiness in my life and stopped focusing on the parts of my life that I was unhappy with. 
5. I got clear about what I wanted for my future. Where do I live? What do I have? What do I do? Why is this future so perfect? And then I asked myself, How can I start living that future now?
6. I stopped attaching my worth to my accomplishments. I refused to let a job make or break me. I was worth it no matter my circumstances. 
7. I stopped applying to jobs. It was becoming exhausting and heart breaking and wasn't working. I had absolute faith that what I want is already mine and will come to me when I'm meant to have it. 
8. I loved myself even on the days when I felt like I didn't have any love to give. 

This didn't happen overnight for me and took weeks of work, and pain, and joy, and loss. I still have to remind myself of these things every single day, but I have to say that I am in a much better place. My struggles don't bother me anywhere near as much as they used to because I know my worth. My circumstances don't shape my identity, and I know this now. 

I hope these tips help anyone who feels like their world is falling apart. We don't often seriously talk about the highly educated but unemployed. Know that your experience doesn't make you worthless. Read this everyday if you have to, and trust that you will pick yourself back up because you always have. There is a bright side waiting for you. 

Now, go forth and live by your new rules, Babe!

Amazing YouTubers that Will Inspire You to Up Your Game

If there is anything you need to know about me, it's that I love YouTube. Not only do I have my own channel (wink, wink), but I watch YouTubers for hours every single day. So, it makes sense that one of the posts during this week of inspiration is one about inspirational YouTubers. Now, if you're not into this kind of thing then you're welcome to skip this post, but I would suggest that you check some of these people out. YouTubers a great example of being successful by being yourself, and they truly inspire me every single day. I'm going to stop rambling now and get into it. All of the YouTubers channels are linked below as well. Now onwards with this super millennial post. (As always, this is arranged in no particular order)

Lilly Singh (IIsuperwomanII/superwomanvlogs)

If you've heard of #girllove, then you've heard of superwoman. Lilly is not only an incredible business woman, she is a wonderful example of how to lift yourself up and others up with you. Lilly's main channel is all comedy. Hilarious videos meant to take your mind off whatever happens in your life. Her second channel is where she daily vlogs and reminds all of her viewers to hustle for their dreams. If I'm ever feeling lazy or uninspired, I turn to Lilly because Lilly works hard every single day to get what she has. And if I just need a laugh, I watch her main channel videos because not only are they hilarious, but I can tell how much effort goes into making every single one. It's also nice to see a woman of color killing the game.
 https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII    https://www.youtube.com/user/SuperwomanVlogs

Alfie Deyes (Pointlessblogvlogs) 

As his name suggests, Alfie is a daily vlogger. Alfie is so endlessly positive, and it's not a forced kind of positivity either. Alfie just radiates a happiness in his videos and that is exactly why I'm inspired by him (just look at that twinkle in his eye). No matter what is going in his life, Alfie finds things to be positive about without denying that negative things are happening. Alfie is also incredibly charitable and a business man. You may not hear much about his business outside of the Creator store on his vlogs, but Alfie is also a Land lord and his hands on a couple of different projects.
https://www.youtube.com/user/PointlessBlogTv

Zoe Sugg (Zoella) 

Zoe is one of the first YouTubers I ever watched. I love her calm energy and her humor. Although some call her a beauty guru, I would not call her that. Not because she isn't great at the beauty thing but because that's not really what her channel is about, and she is so much more than that. Zoe's videos range from fun tags and challenges to homeware to hauls to beauty. If you want to see an example of a woman running her queendom that's Zoe (runs a lifestyle and beauty line, is a top YouTuber and a best selling author). What's truly inspiring is that Zoe has done so much for herself and her viewers, plus she struggles with anxiety. To me, it's a great reminder that you don't always have to feel amazing to be amazing. https://www.youtube.com/user/zoella280390   https://www.youtube.com/user/MoreZoella

LauraLee 

Laura is such an inspiration, and I am so glad that I came across her channel. Number one, Laura came from nothing. She worked hard, did what she loved and now not only is she a successful YouTuber, but she owns her own brand. Laura is super quirky, funny and relatable. She is endlessly kind, generous and grateful in her day to day life and her channel. While you would go to Laura if you want to get into the world of beauty, you would also go to Laura for her fun energy and her no nonsense attitude. Laura tells it how it is and takes no excuses from anyone. She is the perfect example of building your own empire and crowning yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/user/laura88lee    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8b8jeJgftvh6eDXxgddA-A

Claire Marshall 

Claire's channel is a combination of fashion, beauty, travel and sit down chats, but it is also so much more than that. Claire has kind of fallen off of the YouTube thing, but I still include her because her story is incredible. Claire is so open and vulnerable with her viewers and that is exactly what inspires me. It takes bravery to admit that you're struggling or to open yourself up entirely to the world. Still, Claire keeps moving forward regardless of what's happening in her life. Her channel is great for when you just need to chill or feel like you're not alone. https://www.youtube.com/user/ohhaiclaire

Books that Will Change Your Life

1. You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
2. How to Be a Bawse by Lilly Singh
3. You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
4. Radical Acceptance: Embracing your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

***Warning: these are all self-help books***

Now, I know what you're thinking. It's cheating if you use two books by the same author. Lol, no I'm just kidding. Honestly, I am so thankful that I stumbled across these books when I did. I was in a very dark place in my life when I picked up You are a Badass at Making Money and How To Be a Bawse. I was so broke, I couldn't even afford to buy the books, so I went to Barnes and Noble everyday to read them for hours. Yes, I did feel self-conscious reading books in Barnes and Noble like it was a library, but I kept doing it because damn it, I wanted to read these books. 

I'll try to make this not three hundred pages long and simply say that these books reminded me that I was so much more than I felt. I was feeling low, beaten down, stupid and worthless and these books truly picked me back up. I'm going to give you a very simple breakdown of what the book is about (because the summaries are way better than what I can provide and this isn't a book report), but what I'm going to tell you is what I felt reading these books. Hopefully these books give you the same feeling too.  The list below corresponds with the list above

1. This book was just incredible, and it's just what I needed. Ever since I was younger I dreamt of being an entrepreneur. But, as I grew up I changed my dreams and passion to pursue something I felt was more stable and would allow me to support myself always. I was in a terrible unemployment funk when I decided to go into Barnes and Noble to read this book. It's all about changing your mindset and understanding why you're broke. This book gave me back my confidence and allowed me to go after my entrepreneur dreams wholeheartedly. It's an inspirational book about picking yourself up from the ground, getting clear on what you want and change your mindset about money. 
2. I read this book at the same time that I read you are a badass at making money. It was the perfect combination. One, I love Lilly and admire her so much. Two, I was beginning my journey as an entrepreneur, I would need to know how to be a boss not only in the workplace, but in life. I am now more confident than ever. It's about how to conquer life gracefully by controlling your thoughts and bringing good to the world. 
3. Even as I read the above books I worried that I would lose the fire inside of me, but I trusted that this was my destiny, so I didn't worry about it too much. This book helped with that by giving me more confidence in myself and my abilities, not just my ability to be a successful business woman. Like the title suggests, it's all about how to change your mindset, attitude and circumstances to manifest what you want and be your best self. 
4. A lot of the above is about being in a state of high vibration and clearing your subconscious blocks. I attempted to do this by ignoring all negative emotions, but that didn't work so well. This book helped me accept all of my emotions without becoming my emotions (because that's what the entire book is about. I've felt much happier, lighter and worry free ever since. I highly recommend this if you're feeling numb or overwhelmed by your feelings. 

I hope these books help you out in your journey. No matter what:

Inspirational Quotes for the Quarter life Queen

First, thank you so much to my first time readers and long time readers. I so appreciate your presence in my life and as always hope that you enjoy. 

Second, welcome to the second post of this week of inspiration! Sometimes, I feel at a loss for words, or I just want someone else words to comfort me. These are the quotes that I read or look at nearly everyday. They resonate with my goals and push me to go for what I want. (Look at us getting our vibration on).

I also decided to try something different with this format and make this one that was less text heavy. Let me know what you think. I'm a writer at heart, but I can start to incorporate more of these kinds of blogs onto the Queendom.

Some of my favorite quotes (please, feel free to use these as mantras if that floats your boat). Also huge shoutout to Pinterest. 

-Niyyarah Waheed