How To Detach From the Outcome

Hello Queen!

It feels so good to be back on the blog. It's no secret that I am building a freedom business. And part of that means doing the things that I feel called to do. I have been loving showing up on the QLQ socials lately, so if you want to catch up with me and see all of my most recent posts, the I highly suggest you follow my on the QLQ socials. Seriously, I've been channeling some serious gold on there.

I want to talk about manifestation and some of the contradictions you might be feeling if you are new to the world of spiritual creation. And there is one big one. Manifestation states that you need to have a clear why and strong feeling of already having the thing that you desire. It also states that you must detach. This is the biggest area that I see people get tripped up in.

And I understand why. You need to visualize and connect and you need to release. Are you supposed to stop visualizing and stop thinking about what you are manifesting in order to create detachment? No. Queen, I want to shed some light here.

Detachment doesn't necessarily means that you stop thinking about the thing. It's about releasing your desire from the desperate choke hold you have it in. Desperation has the vibration of disbelief. When you are desperate for something to manifest, you send the vibration out that you are not sure if it's possible. And certainty is an absolute must for manifestation.

I believe that visualization is a great tool for connecting into the feeling of having what you want. I believe that when you visualize you provide your subconscious mind with clear and specific instructions to bring this thing into the physical realm and into your life. So, I don't think you need to stop visualizing. Especially if it makes you happy.

So, how do you detach? You detach by releasing the belief that what you are manifesting is going to change your life. You release the belief that you need this thing in order to feel X or to be happy. Remember, it's be, do have not have, do, be. When you put a desire out into the universe, you simply have to say I would really like to have this and I feel the emotions of having it now. This makes it so the object of your manifestation simply becomes the byproduct of your state of being. When you release the belief that this thing will have a significant impact on your life, you are able to release the attachment without releasing the desire for it.

Put simply, detachment is simply letting go of the desperate need to have what you are manifesting.

Queen, I know the world of manifesting and creating your reality can be so exciting and overwhelming. If you want to know more about how to manifest and create a reality of your choosing, then sign up for the QLQ email list, because we dive deep, babe. As a bonus, you also get access to the QLQ freebie library which now includes all of my favorite resources for the queen who is new to the world of spiritual growth. If you're looking to master your manifestation and mindset, you'll want to join.

What are you working on manifesting? Do you find detachment difficult? I am currently manifesting a thriving business that allows me to do what I love and work for myself.

Much love, Always,

Shar

What Happens When You Believe That The Universe is Testing You

Hello Queen,

When I say test, what is the first thing that comes to mind? What do you feel? Are you jumping for joy, or are you nervous, sweaty and thinking that you have to prepare?

I think most people are the latter. If you're anything like me, you start thinking of all the ways you have to study to pass and prove you know your stuff. There may also be a little of resentment and anger there. Who decided that this test was a measure of anything? Why do I have to take it? How is it supposed to help me?

My point is that you probably don't have very positive feelings around tests. You even have a clear image in your mind of what it looks and feels like to be tested. This is your subconscious link. Yet, there is this narrative floating around that the universe is testing you.

If something in your life is not going to plan, or you've encountered an obstacle, then you may have heard, oh, the universe is testing you.

Just like I don't believe in divine punishment, I don't believe in divine testing. I don't believe the universe is ever testing you. I go really in depth as to why I don't hold this belief on the QLQ IG post (I have been loving showing up in this space recently, so if you don't already follow the QLQ account, please do sign up because I am there and I am there often). In this space, I want to talk about what goes on subconsciously when you adopt the belief that the universe is testing you.

We already established that you don't have the best feelings around being tested. It might make you feel nervous or like you're not prepared or even that you have to prove yourself. Your mind can call up clear memories of when you have been tested and how you felt.

So, when you believe that the universe is testing you, do you know what happens? Your subconscious mind links that experience to your memories of being tested. And now you are tying moving through this perceived obstacle or challenge with being nervous or feeling unprepared and inadequate.

You then carry those feelings into your vibrational space on a very powerful level (your subconscious). Instead of moving through that obstacle with grace, you move through it looking around you like, is this right? Am I passing? All because your subconscious mind is linking the experience together. There is a subconscious association with the word test.

So, my gorgeous queen. The universe is not testing you. The universe is giving you the tools, resources and experience to grow. I am going to encourage you to really allow this message to sink in. If you do have a reaction to the word test, and that reaction isn't empowering, then you need to stop viewing the obstacles in your life as a test. That is not a link your mind needs to make

If this post was your freaking jam, then you'll love the QLQ community, where I talk about all things woo, mindset and personal growth. Always free to join, the link is right here.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

How You Unintentionally Create Resistance

Hello My Beautiful Queen,

Today I want to get real and raw with you.

You trying to stop your thoughts is not helping. I painted the following analogy for my IG queens that I think really communicates what happens when you put energy into stopping your thoughts.

Imagine that you are in a car on a highway. There are lots of cars driving along beside you. You see that they are there, but they kind of fade into the background because your eyes are on the road. Then all of a sudden, a red Ferrari pulls up beside you. And you fucking hate these cars. You recognize that you hate this car and it really triggers you. So you swing your car in front of it. You jump out and start screaming and pointing at the car that it needs to leave and get the heck out of your sight.

Paints a pretty ridiculous image, doesn’t it? You can recognize that the car would have already passed you had you not stopped and blocked it to point out how much you hated it. This is what you do with your thoughts when you try to stop them from existing.

And today, I want to share with you how I learned this and came to accept my thoughts. It is not a secret that something I struggled with was obsessive compulsive thoughts. As I could, I had no idea what this was. I thought if you had OCD, you just had to clean all the time (black and white interpretation of what a child hears and sees in popular culture). So, I would call the thoughts that I had bets with myself. I had to step over all the cracks or my mother would die. I had to hold my breath for 7 seconds or I would die. And I say obsessive compulsive thoughts because there weren't any rituals that I had to follow. The thoughts would come randomly and there was never any one thing I always had to do. 

For those of you who don't know, OCD is an anxiety disorder. I was able to heal my anxiety to the point where I no longer experience obsessive compulsive thoughts on a frequent basis. I share this with you because it's an important lesson I learned in how you cannot stop a thought. When I was in the height of my obsessive compulsive tendencies, I would notice the thought and try to resist it. No, Sharlene, that's ridiculous. You don't need to do this. No one is going to die if you don't. And obviously, I knew that was true. Me picking up a sheet of paper was not the determining factor if someone lived or died. But the more I resisted the thought, the stronger the obsession became, the more the fear built and the stronger the need to do the thing was. 

After years in the personal development world, I can understand that the thought grew because I tried to make it stop. It grew because by trying to stop myself from having the thought, I gave it my attention, fed it my emotional energy and amplified its voice until I could hear nothing else. I overcame this by allowing the thought to exist! I recognized that it was just a thought. That it was an untrue thought and then just did the thing. And boom, the thought went away much faster than when I tried to resist it. 

And even if you have never struggled with obsessive compulsive thoughts and behaviors, we have all had thoughts we don't like. The thoughts that hold shame or anger. Yes, I can understand why you would want to escape the thought that causes you pain. But you will never get away from the thought by trying to get it to stop, reread the analogy above if you need to. Allow the thought to play and move along.

Remember queen, nothing has meaning unless you assign it meaning. No thought has power unless you give it power. And because thoughts are intimately linked with limiting beliefs, I'm going to make it a two part post. Because letting a thought pass is very different than letting a limiting belief linger and I suspect this is what people mean when they ask, how do I stop a thought in the first place?

Loved this post? Then you'll love the QLQ community where I talk about about all things mindset, emotions and manifestation. Can't wait to welcome you, Queen. 

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Shame and Feminine Energy

Hello My Beautiful Queens,

Happy whatever day you are reading this. Today, I want to talk about feminine energy. Why? Because this is something I am currently working to connect with. As I have been growing into the next version of myself, I realized that I wasn't really happy with how I am presenting myself. I allowed myself the space to be totally honest and came to accept that I have felt like a slob for the past year.

Everything was a priority except how I looked and how I felt about my psychical experience. And as I uplevel, I have been feeling the desire to connect with the things that make me feel feminine. I have been feeling the call to tap into my inner goddess and to release judgement around the desire to look good.

Now, I know the term feminine is a loaded word. I believe femininity is a very individual thing. What makes me feel feminine is not what makes someone else feel feminine. No one is right or wrong. In my life I feel most connected to my feminine energy when I wear clothes that make me feel good, when I take time to appreciate my body, when I wear makeup and jewelry and flowy clothes. That works for me. And for someone else feeling tapped into feminine energy might be about feeling sexy, or feeling powerful. We all have our definitions and experiences of femininity, regardless of how we identify.

I want to share this with you because it wasn't until I was working to tap into my own femininity that  realized I had a limiting belief around what it means to care for your physical space and body. Investing in your personal, professional and spiritual growth is praised. But investing in your physical appearance and caring about the possessions that make you feel good is not.

Why is it that I never feel bad about purchasing a course, but I feel bad about purchasing a dress? Why don't I hesitate to buy a journal,, but hesitate to buy makeup, a purse or a bag? When did we learn that caring about our physical appearance was shallow? Who decided that? And most importantly, why do we care??

So, that is why I am writing this post. As I grow, I am incorporating my physical self into my journey. I am giving myself the grace to unapologetically tap into my feminine energy. I am releasing the judgment I have for desiring to own the things that make me feel pretty and feminine.

Your body deserves the same love and affection you give your mind and spirit. If you are feeling the call to purchase the things that make you feel like the queen that you are, you don't need to justify it. To yourself or to anyone else. Release the shame around the desire to express yourself as feminine in whatever way you see fit.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Surviving the Spiritual UpLevel

Hello Queen,

I just got back from a wonderful long weekend with my family. We went to upstate New York and chilled out at my sisters house. It was just really nice to be with my family and get to play with my nieces and nephew. I also got to catch up with my friend, which was such a nice time, honestly.

As I was coming back home, I just felt something snap and release within me. I felt emotional and just like I was grieving something. Your girl was even playing her in my feelings soundtrack, so you know I was really lost in those emotions. I have learned to consider this a beautiful space.

It was too dark for me to journal, so instead I focused on myself and tried to look inward. Why was I feeling so off? What did I feel like I had lost? What am I growing through at the moment and what lessons can I take away from the experience? How can I find gratitude for this emotional state?

And as I did all of that, I allowed my mind to wander. I allowed my spirit to provide the answers to the questions I was asking. As a side note, queen, your brain will answer whatever question you ask it. Be intentional about the questions you are asking and learn to distinguish between the voice of spirit and the voice of ego. There is more on the importance of language and the mind to come in the QLQ email community, so make sure you stay tuned.

What came to me was that I was up leveling. I have known for a couple of weeks that the next version of me is coming. I have been intentionally calling her in and getting super clear on who she is (and why I am ready to be her).

But with every uplevel, I always forget that there is a shedding. I forget that as we uplevel, we also get rid of everything that no longer serves that next version of ourselves. The universe will work with you to clear your path of the things that do not serve who you are becoming. Much like when a caterpillar breaks its body down as it transforms into a butterfly.

What I forget is that we are human, and we will grieve what was lost. We will grieve the old version of ourselves even when we know the growth is a positive thing. So, when my emotions went all haywire and I couldn't figure out what I was grieving, the answer came to me.

Uplevels are incredibly beautiful experience and serve as milestones in your spiritual journey. But it's okay if they hurt a little bit (or a lot depending on how far of a leap you are making). Give yourself the space and patience to grieve. Allow yourself room to cry as you celebrate. And when your uplevel is complete, you can enter with an empty slate ready to celebrate who you have become and call in who you can be.

Much Love, Always,

Shar

Getting Back To My Roots: A Life Update

Hello Queen!

I realize that I have been sharing a lot with you about what I have learned and how I have accomplished what I have accomplished. That's because I don't believe in hiding what I know. If I try something and it works, I am always so eager to share it with you all.

But I also have been feeling the call to connect with you all. I miss the times when I would just shoot the shit with you. I miss that connection. So, in the spirit of connection, I want to reconnect. That's right. It's time for Shar's selfish time (AKA a life update).

So, what have I been up to? If I am completely honest, I have been working through some pretty big limiting beliefs. This cycle of my year makes me feel like I am all over the place. My emotions are definitely jumping between extremes, but I am using this an opportunity to learn. I believe my emotions are a blessing, so I am glad to feel them. I'm also happy to learn more about what my reactions reveal about what is going on underneath the surface.

Photo by Branislav Belko on Unsplash

I am also working through a big decision. I'm in the phase of my life where I am so grateful for my job, but I also know that I am meant for so much more. I decided to stay in my position for a while longer, but everything within me is screaming you're making the wrong decision. But like any other human being I am afraid of change, and it takes time for me to work through that fear. Also, I'm working on accepting that there are no wrong decisions. Just decisions that alter the path you are on. The way 16 year old me would have described this is, there are many roads. You can pick the road that you take, but all of the roads lead to the same city. So I am grounding into my belief that my success is inevitable. Still, your girl has a lot of fear coming up. I don't want to hide this from you because this is a part of my journey.

On the flip side there are the things I am calling in. I definitely am on the brink of an uplevel, so I am working on creating space for that next version of myself. One of the ways I am doing that is by actively picking up the habits she has (like going to the gym). The other way is by getting clear on who she is and how she lives her life. I like to do that by making a list of some of the traits and habits, and beliefs that she has. I like to visualize what her life looks like so I can more clearly call her in. I'm really sinking deeper into my spiritual practice and am allowing the universe to control the pace.

I am also calling in sisterhood. I have amazing friends whom I am so blessed to have in my life. I also want to make sure that I leave room for new soul sisters to come in. I'm calling a community of women who would do a spiritual retreat with me. A community of women who I can talk about spirituality and business with. This also means working through limiting beliefs around friendship and love.

In the QLQ world, I have been sinking more deeply into projects. This includes resources for the QLQ community (you can join here) and the July edition of the QLQ magazine. Because I have been working on understanding the power of the subconscious mind and my ability to harness that power, I am also feeling the call to release a course around this. This is still in development, but it is something that I am genuinely really excited about.

And that's what's been going in my life for these past few weeks (or months). It feels really good to just get back to my roots of sharing my journey to success exactly as it is. It also just feels nice to catch up with all of you. What have you all been up to?

Much Love, Always,

Shar